Hulk Hogan sucks, brother

hulk_hogan_wwe_2k14_wallpaper__by_swiiftism-d6hx0te

Hulk Hogan is a shitty person. He engages in weird, deviant and warped behavior that would gross out most moral people in the world. And he just generally sucks. Now, we explore why. Brother.

1. Hogan was bad for the wrestling business, because he’s an ego bigger than anyone else in history and is only concerned with himself, brother.

RingsideNews.com has an excellent list here, but a few of the glaring dick-moves by Hogan that they’ve compiled?

  • Hogan nixed a program with Ricky Steamboat in 1985, because Steamboat didn’t want to turn heel.
  • Hogan nixed a program with Randy Savage at Wrestlemania 2, because Savage was far more agile and athletic in the ring.
  • Hogan nixed a program with Ric Flair at Wrestlemania 8, the dream match, because he wants another extended break/doesn’t want to be booed out of existence
  • Hogan nixed the idea of dropping the belt to Bret Hart, the new face of the company
  • Hogan joined WCW, flopping almost immediately, then refused to do the job to Flair in the second of their three-match-series. He had previously agreed – but signed with complete creative control.
  • Hogan convinces Randy Savage to quit WWE (with no notice, infuriating and hurting Vince McMahon, although he deserves everything he ever gets). Instead of working an exciting program with Savage, Hogan teams with him against…the 3 Faces of Fear.
  • Hogan, supposed to job to Sting at Starrcade, reportedly paid off Nick Patrick, in real life, (whom I believe has acknowledged it in shoot interviews). The planned finished was that Hogan would win after the referee “fast counted” a pin on Sting. But the referee counted slowly, making Sting look weak. It ruined the show, but made Hogan look good.

Also, to anyone who would make the case that Hulk Hogan has been good for the wrestling business,

Brooke-Hogan

2. Hulk Hogan is morally retarded, engaging in wife-swapping/swinging behavior. He cheated on his wife, although she likely knew. 

hulk7f-2-web

To begin with, Hulk acknowledges this himself. But he had no choice, since he got caught on film and the list of 6’4″ tanned, balding 60 year old men with a fu-manchu is pretty short. Hulk, who for years has been shown on TV as a “concerned father and loving husband,” was seen openly fucking the wife of his friend, who walked out of the room just as it began. These people are WEIRD. Once you realize they’re all fucking each other, how can you feel good about cheering one of them?

Also, notice Hogan was completely spent after a few minutes of sex. That’s because when all you do is lift weights and NEVER develop any cardiovascular conditioning, you’re stronger for a few seconds and then you’re dead because your heart is carrying around all that extra weight. For some reason, I kept thinking to myself that HBK could carry Hogan through a match at Summerslam but even when his dick is getting sucked, Hogan couldn’t put on a decent performance with a far-younger girl.

3. Hulk Hogan appears to lust for his daughter and, for a guy who is proven to be sexually weird, is probably turned on by her.

While watching an episode of Hogan Knows Best, I once noticed Hulk pulling back Brooke’s bikini and looking down it, to see a nipple! It seemed very unusual but I didn’t focus on it too much. However, as time went forward, I started noticing more weird behavior. Hulk tweeting a very lustful photo of his daughter’s legs.  Hulk being weird by the pool.

hulk-hogan2_660_012913024933

Hulk marrying someone IDENTICAL TO HIS DAUGHTER.

Brooke to the left, Hulk Hogan and Hulk's wife on the right. Right?
Brooke to the left, Hulk Hogan and Hulk’s wife on the right. Right?

Yeah, tell me this isn’t a weird son of a bitch.

4. Hulk’s wife Linda said that Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake had a gay affair

brutus-beefcake-and-hulk-hogan

Linda retracted this allegation, because she can’t prove it, but let’s be honest – how much of a stretch is this one for you? I am not saying there is anything wrong with it because there isn’t – but Hogan has shamed homosexuality in one of his books as well as pledged to be married. Initially, Brutus Beefcake was billed as a male-stripper from “San Francisco” before adopting a barber gimmick. He’s always been Hogan’s closest friend. And we know how open Hogan is about sex. The fucker doesn’t feel awkward about putting his hands on his daughters ASS. Why would he feel awkward about putting his friend’s penis in his mouth and ass?

Hulk also talked about how Pat Patterson told him he would have to suck Pat’s dick on the drive to his first match. That was in one of Hulk’s lie-filled books. Although Hulk claimed he didn’t suck the dick, I always assumed he immediately said “GLADLY!” and began milking scrotums.

5. Hulk’s horrendous parenting skills resulted in an actual American hero being brain-dead until the day he dies.

Not only did Hulk think it would be OK to buy his (exceptionally dumb) 16 year old son a car worth more than most peoples’ homes, but he actually took the idiot to race tracks to practice “drifting” where you try to maintain control while, in essence, spinning out. It’s for idiots.

16 year old with a super-powered car. Safe.
16 year old with a super-powered car. Safe.

That’s Nick before he drove for probably 5 miles. Here’s the car after.

"I think I'll park it right here"
“I think I’ll park it right here”

Now, it’s bad enough to think that a parent would let a child inside of a dangerous machine, like this, without supervision – but it gets worse. Nick was friend with a young Marine, John Graziano. He was a good looking dude and probably had a solid future ahead of him. Here is a photo of John.

bilde

Sadly, John got in the car with DJ Nick Hogan before the above crash happened. John was reportedly “severely injured” in the hours that followed the crash. I remember Hulk releasing a stupid statement saying he was praying that John would recover. I appreciated that statement, at first, until I saw the injuries.

His head was caved in. Yeah, he's probably not going to recover.
His head was caved in. Yeah, he’s probably not going to recover.

I saw that and thought to myself, “My God. That guy is brain-dead. He’s gone – and the Hogan’s are saying they hopeful he will recover.” It was unbelievable – but it got a lot worse.

6. After Hulk’s son destroyed the life of his Marine friend, Hulk Hogan blamed it on the Marine, because he “yelled” at people and was negative….

This is an actual transcript from the jail phone call, between Hulk Hogan and his stupid son, Nick.

“HULK HOGAN: I don`t know what type of person John was or what he did to get himself in the situation. I know he was pretty aggressive and used to yell at people and used to do stuff. For some reason, man, God laid some heavy (DELETED) on that kid, man. I don`t know what he was into.

NICK BOLLEA: John was a negative person.”

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Yeah, I can tell you what he did to get himself in that situation – he got in the car with a child that you raised, Hulkster.

By the way, years later, here is the recovery:

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His mother says she hopes he will someday, “crack a one-liner.” Her life’s goal is that her son will make a joke, now.

Boy, was this wrong
Boy, was this wrong

Writing about that Graziano thing still pisses me off. It’s tragic. But it is the best example possible of why Hulk Hogan sucks. But the thing about being a lousy person forever is that, eventually, God starts taking away blessings.

7. Hulk Hogan is now cursed 

I could almost smell it coming from a mile away – after being such a shitty person, bad things were bound to start happening – and did.

First, Hulk’s wife left him and took 70% of their money and 40% of is business ventures – because Hogan is stupid and didn’t have a prenuptial agreement. Hey, thanks to one stupid indecision, now everything you have is gone! Idiot.

Then, Hulk’s sex tape came out, showing everyone how truly weird this idiot is, despite it also showing how weird the people who released it are.

Finally, a boat motor blew up on Hogan’s hand! Yes!

Ever tried starting a boat motor and having this happen? No one has - except Hulk.
Ever tried starting a boat motor and having this happen? No one has – except Hulk.

Hulk Hogan is a lousy individual. Hulkamania used to be something I enjoyed as a child but now, it is just a reminder of how much of a let-down a human can be when you waste your time looking up to them.

NEW:

8. Hogan is probably the biggest racist ever.

The National Enquirer, who actually does news apparently, has released comments made by the old Bulkster on his sex tape. Awwwww shit!

“I mean, I don’t have double standards. I mean, I am a racist, to a point, f*cking n*ggers. But then when it comes to nice people and sh*t, and whatever.”

Then, in a tirade to rival the racism embarrassments suffered by Mel Gibson and “Dog The Bounty Hunter,” Hulk unloaded even more hatred!

According to sources, he said: “I mean, I’d rather if she was going to f*ck some n*gger, I’d rather have her marry an 8-foot-tall n*gger worth a hundred million dollars! Like a basketball player!

“I guess we’re all a little racist. Fucking n*gger.”

Read about it here if you want I don’t give a fuck

So Hulk Hogan hates black people. Pretty progressive way of thinking, Hulkster. Is it any surprise that he is already dropping references to “God” and his religion or prayer or whatever? That is horse shit for people who fucked up too much to be forgiven. Right, Shawn?

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11 thoughts on “Hulk Hogan sucks, brother”

  1. Enjoyed you article. Hogan was a lousy excuse of a wrestler. He could hardly go 15 minutes in the ring. Hogan couldn’t even carry Flair’s boots. Hogan is a joke! I wish he would just disappear. Very very sad about the man in the car crash.

    Like

  2. yes hogan and his retard family is retarded but some dude joining the military that hasnt even seen combat duty IS NOT an american hero unless you faced combat fought fires or are the 1 cop in history that has saved someone that isnt another cop THEN YOU ARE NOT an american hero simply being linked to the military doesnt make you a american hero

    but yes hogan single handedly ruined wrestling because guess what guys ROMAN FUCKING REIGNS IS HEADLINING MAINIA YAYYYYYYYYY /sarcasm thanks hogan forever meat heads will rule wrestling while the talent watches from the mid card

    Like

  3. Gee, somebody’s bumburnt. better make an article about it on the internet, where it will be immortalised forever. Hogan deserves that. All jokes aside he might be a shitty person but god, man. Lighten the fuck up. Stress & anger kill people from the inside out.

    Liked by 1 person

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