Typhoid Mary sucked; was a dumb ass

You idiot
You idiot

Taking a break from pop culture, I want to tell you why Typhoid Mary was a stupid bitch and sucked from the 19th century into the 20th century.

Mary Mallon was a cook for privileged families around 1900. She was also a moron and you’ll see that for yourself soon enough. So back in 1900, she started working as a cook in New York and after two weeks, working in one location, people started getting typhoid fever. In 1901, she moved to Manhattan, so she could infect as many people as possible. The whole family she worked for got sick and the laundress, whatever that was, died!! The years progressed and everytime Mary would go to work somewhere, people would get sick within two weeks. Only a total fucking fool wouldn’t notice the trend but Mary was a dipshit.

See, typhoid fever is spread by poor hygiene and that’s a kind way of saying someone got shit on their hands, didn’t wash it off and then got it in your food, making you a shit-eater. So Typhoid Dumbass probably never washed her hands before stirring the soup with her bare fingers. People started noticing the trend of typhoid going around where this moronic person went and eventually, a researcher confronted her to see if she, perhaps, was an asymptomatic carrier for typhoid fever. For you morons out there, that means she showed no symptoms but had the disease.

Now, Mary could have redeemed herself and, out of concern for the families, given necessary tests to determine if she was a carrier. Unfortunately, we’re dealing with an idiot and she vehemently refused any tests. The researcher came back with another doctor and Mary still refused. She once locked herself in the bathroom (where she never washed her hands). Meanwhile, people were dying!


The New York City Health Department eventually sent someone with police to arrest the dumbass. She admitted to never washing her hands! They held her in isolation for years but eventually, an even bigger idiot,  Eugene H. Porter, came along. This guy was the New York State Health Commissioner and decided that disease carriers shouldn’t be quarantined! OK, thanks Eugene! One ticket out of New York!

Fucking idiot, I knew you didn't have a cure...wait. Wrong Eugene.
Fucking idiot, I knew you didn’t have a cure…wait. Wrong Eugene.

Mary did, however, “promise” not to work as a cook anymore! And of course, as soon as she got out, she started working as a cook again! Typhoid began spreading yet again.

Cops finally caught up to her after she infected 25 people with her shitty hands and two of them died. She still refused to let doctors remove her gallbladder, which had live typhoid bacteria inside of it upon autopsy of her nasty corpse at death. She remained in quarantine during the next three decades until she died.

Some estimate, because of her stupid refusal to cooperate, that she caused at least 50 fatalities, not to mention countless amounts of suffering and agony. The POWER of one single idiot!!!! People today use the term “Typhoid Mary” to describe someone that unknowingly spreads disease. Imagine being so stupid, you become a nickname for future idiots. That’s called failure, folks.

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