Review: The Equalizer

Uh oh, Denzel is doing something again!
Uh oh, Denzel is doing something again!

The Equalizer is the latest Denzel Washington movie where he plays a total badass/incredible individual of some sort. This time, he’s very much the human Batman spliced with Home Alone’s Kevin.

I wasn’t really planning on reviewing this movie until the end, so the first half I’ll leave largely unaddressed. That’s half because I didn’t take notes and the other half because it was so boring, I turned it off and fell asleep then finished the movie two months later.

Denzel plays some dude that has Bruce Wayne’s ability to beat bad guys up. He’s insanely overpowered. It’s laughable, at times.

At one point, the breaker gets flipped back on and wouldn’t you know it, the damn microwave turns back on after having been completely off. Yeah, because I’ve plugged a lot of microwaves in that suddenly turned on. Everyone with a microwave knows the minute the power goes out for a split second, the damn thing resets the clock and you have to reprogram it.

Denzel’s guy kills someone with a drill. Yep. He drills the back of his head. The guy just stood there for some reason.

The lights go out in the grocery store just like they went out in Dark Knight Rises, in the tunnel. Besides the fact that Denzel kills people with tools like a grown up Kevin from Home Alone on a psychotic rampage, he is basically doing what Batman would in these situations. I feel like they took a ton of “inspiration” from that character. Of course, I really mean cheaply ripped it off.

We see the big scene with the rain at the end, of course what the poster is based on. “There’s the poster,” I shouted aloud. He kills the bad guy, like we knew. Horatio Sanz cop sees it all.

This movie had a ton of shitty music in it too. Listen to the songs. They’re awful! Did they have no budget left after Denzel got his fat payday? I’m tired of this guy and his movies.


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