I miss Crystal Pepsi.



Ladies and gentlemen, if we do nothing else in 2015, we need to bring back Crystal Pepsi. Right now.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. That’s the worst commercial I’ve ever seen. Yeah, it probably was. But in 1993, it at least made some impression and it was enough to start off Crystal Pepsi with a bang. We went to Price Chopper and bought some, and you know what? I loved it! It tasted exactly like Pepsi to me, except it was as clear as Sprite or seltzer water. How bad ass!


Plus, it wasn’t just called “Clear Pepsi.” It was called “CRYSTAL PEPSI.” Because crystals are valuable.

Unfortunately, sales started to fade after it’s release and Pepsi, getting cold feet instantly, pulled it from the market entirely. WHY!??!?!


Pepsi sold me on this amazing product and made a fan out of me for life, if they wanted it. I would drink it to this day over any of Pepsi’s other shitty products (Besides their throwback line, that’s good). Mug Root Beer tastes awful. Sierra Piss is half as good as Sprite and Pepsi is a 5th as good as Coke. But if it were clear…

Cherished relic of the past.
Cherished relic of the past.

Unfortunately, there seems to be no return in sight of Crystal Pepsi. Some fool on YouTube drank a 20 year old one and puked up a bunch, so that’s about the only thing new related to it. I won’t even sully the name of my delightful childhood memory by discussing that any further.

Pepsi, bring the drink back. Hey, you can do the thing that Coke did with Surge on Amazon. Why not make it available for special order, at a premium price?


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