Thinking of Burger King makes me gag


Just the mere thought of Burger King makes me sick. Everything on their menu sucks. Their food stinks. How is it in business?

The question of how people eat Burger King is as big of as mystery to me as it is to my cat when I’m taking a shit on the commode in the morning. Neither of us will ever understand what is going on, in those respective regards.

BK, as it is sometimes called by punks, is the main rival to McDonalds. It is a poor ripoff in many regards, while in others, it isn’t even as much of a ripoff as it is just a lame competitor. The burgers all smell like someone poured liquid smoke on them. That stench permeates the air around their restaurants, too, making them public nuisances. I wish we could vote to ban them.

Fucking stinks right there
Fucking stinks right there

Eww, just looking at it made me feel greasy.

Their restaurants, being stinky and gross, usually attract a lower-quality employee. Now, I’m not saying always but in general, you don’t find John Nash doing Calculus while pulling up to the window.

Actual photo of a BK employee preparing the lettuce for service. MMM! FOOTY!
Actual photo of a BK employee preparing the lettuce for service. MMM! FOOTY!

Their french fries are disgusting, as well, but probably one of the least disgusting things on the menu. However, the exact opposite of that statement applies to the nasty ass onion rings at Burger Fling.

Onion rings shouldn’t fit in a condom wrapper (unless it is mine, because my condoms are huge)

Now if you want a bad ass order of onion rings, Sonic can usually get that much right. But at BK, you’ll get some soggy limp condom looking onion rings. Anytime I see someone eating them, I want to slap them out of their hand and ask them what they’re thinking!

Burger King was notorious for having sucky toys when I was a kid, in their kids meals. That’s important. When McDonald’s was giving me Batman, Mario, Dick Tracy (?) and Toy Story, Burger King would have Arthur or something. Now, they don’t even have that. I think they just give you a rock.

What else do I hate about Burger King? How about the logo. The old one, above, and the new one.


First, why is the Registered symbol SO big? Burger Kingr. Second, what’s the point in the blue swish? Just to lead me to a red Registered symbol? And why would a burger bun be shiny? The dark red also suggests the beef is raw and bloody. This logo is just stupid. The only logo I have ever seen that is worse is probably this one:


Also, don’t you just hate it when someone throws your garbage away and you had a nice little spot nestled into the garbage you could safely spit in, without getting it in the garbage can, but now you can’t because there is no bag in it? Dammit. Dealing with that right now.

I hate Burger King and don’t want to think about it anymore. It stinks.


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