Shut up about Columbus Day idiots

fuck-columbus-came-490

I don’t want to hear another word about Columbus Day. It’s dumb.

Columbus sucked. He didn’t even discover what he was looking for. He stumbled into America and fucked up our future sports teams by calling the Natives “Indians” which – hey – was supposed to be for natives of INDIA. He couldn’t even tell the difference between crazy, feather wearing pot smoking dancing idiots and stinky, elephant riding arranged marriage morons. I don’t like anyone, if you can’t tell.

Columbus was also a ruthless fuck, from what I can tell. Now I know I’m supposed to be giving you reasons why we don’t like him but I just wanted to be thorough.

I think of him everytime I use the word "thorough."
I think of Henry David Thoreau everytime I use the word “thorough.”

Also, Christopher Columbus apparently isn’t even his name. And he didn’t discover America, by the way. He wasn’t even the first foreigner here! There was a bad ass Viking named Leif Erikson who came to America LONG before Columbus stumbled over here. We should celebrate Leif Erikson day.

Better than Columbus in every way.
Better than Columbus in every way.
Another sketch of what Leif Erikson may have looked like.
Another sketch of what Leif Erikson may have looked like.

Ditch the Columbus Day shit. Stop saying on the radio. Just quit acknowledging it.

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