Review: Valkyrie


Valkyrie was a decent movie starring Tom Cruise as something von somethingberg, I can’t remember the guys name. But the resemblance between Cruise and the Nazi he played were striking.


As you can see, Cruise is the reincarnated version ‎Claus von Stauffenberg. This is why he wanted to do this project – pretty cool when you think about it. “Oh yeah shoot me in my past life but watch out fuckers because I’ll reincarnate myself as Tom Cruise and tell the story of how you’re all dicks!”

Cruise plays a 5 foot tall version of Santa Claus von Stauffenberg who is a German that was sick of Hitler’s shit. He realized old Shitler was nuts and screwing up their nation and planned to kill the pubic-hair mustached bastard. Unfortunately, he screwed up.

The worst part of the movie is the fact that everyone you like is going to die and Don Falcone from Batman, who plays Friedrich Fromm, walks away unscathed. They ended up killing him, though.

That doesn’t really give me a sense of justice. Seeing someone die because they killed a bunch of people just gives them an instant way out of the remorse. Make them stay alive forever looking at pictures of the funeral or something. Fuck the death penalty. Primitive.

Now, clearly the movie isn’t in German. There may be a German version but the language is shitty-accent over English. It took some getting used to for me and I don’t know that I ever did. Also, you’re not going to get a lot of German actors in this.

Overall, the movie tells a story worth learning about. The movie itself would have been more popular without a Scientologist starring in it, but he pretty much had to.


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