Review: Goosebumps – Vampire Breath


Vampire Breath is our next episode because they ran out of episodes that didn’t sound like shit. This episode was so bad, it took me weeks to finish just this measly review of it. I couldn’t watch it. Every time I would start, I would get nauseous because of how bad of a waste of time it was. So just know, this fucking episode is one of the worst of the worst.

Spooky stuff and kids always spooky stuff and kids and shit. A guy who looks like Peter Dinklage is in a coffin


Some kids steal Dinklage’s breath. Vampire breath can actually be stored and held. Go figure. The acting is lousy. I’m pissed. It then gets even worse. Not even high school level. The boy has Burt eyebrows.

Vampire gets his breath and begins an obligatory chase. He breaks into the kitchen and the kids parents don’t even acknowledge it! The kids parents are vampires too. The kids will be too when they become teens, which happens in one minute. No shit. That bad.

The kids are suddenly vampires and have new coffin bunkbeds. Mercifully, this episode ends and not a second before I had to run take a shit. Obviously, a colonic reaction to this poor episode.


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