We join you two nights after our last Raw. Because USA COULDNT PUT A DOG SHOW ANYWHERE ELSE.
We open to the LOD story about them silencing critics because you know they won’t. They face the outlaws tonight. BTW Raw is from Waco tonight, where a guy famously said he was Jesus and fucked everyone’s wives and people were foolish enough to buy it. The Outlaws come out and call LOD the “O L D” – but this is before the crowd was smart so no one laughed. The Outlaws get a cheap win. LOD ends up actually fighting each other. Kevin Jelly Kelly fucking sucks at commentary and acting. Cole is maybe 2% better.
Something is wrong with JRs mic when we come back. Ken Shamrock comes out looking he’s either ready for a porno or to wrestle in the WWF. He faces Jeff Jarrett. It’s a nice little match and Cornette hits Jarrett to let Shamrock win. Jarrett says it is time for him and Cornette to go their separate ways.
We come back to King getting the scoop on LOD and them fighting more. Disciples of Apocolypse are out. They’re on those GORGEOUS TITAN MOTORCYCLES. And we see a closeup of the dark silver on purple logo. The Truth Commission and Kurgann are out. It’s boring but Kurgan ends up attacking Recon.
Degeneration X does an interview from HBKs boring looking home. They start a game of pool as the interview ends. Did they finish the game? Hunter says Mania will be XRated.
Sunny comes out and asks if everything is bigger in Texas. She is asking because her pussy is inside out, she’s banged so much. Look it up. Taka faces Barry Windham. Mercifully, Kane comes out to a massive fire in Waco. Here is a pic.
War zone begins. The pyro goes on longer than a full year of PPVs in 2014. The New Age Outlaws come in and The Road Dog, who says he is half drunk, thinks it’s the 80s. Chainsaw Charlie has a gimmicked chainsaw and attacks their car with Cactus Jack.
Next up a HILARIOUS impression of Dusty Rhodes by Dustin airs. He comes out. As “DustDust”
Sadly he will face Bradshaw. Bradshaw beats him up but it’s a funny segment.
We come back to Steve Blackman doing Batman Forever. The Nation is out. Rock comes out posing and goofing around. They face off in a quick match. We get a People’s Elbow and a Nagano Olympics mention. There is a mention of the new NAACP president and Lawler has NO CLUE who he is (Julian Bond) until someone tells him via headset. “Oh the new NAACP president?“ Yeah Jerry you knew that. Go fuck a 13 year old. Something important happens in this match. Steve Blackman pins the Rock. The future movie star who truly is grossing more than anyone else is pinned by the most boring guy in WWE history. I’ve killed three Mosquitos in this paragraph.
Really annoying Luna Vachon interview. I’d let her suck on it. Some don’t get a warning when it’s load blow time…
Next up a Headbangers and Rock n Roll Express match. This is a rematch from Raw Saturday Night. The NWA ref gets the boot however. Screw job Earl will referee it.
So around this point of the review, I decided to change socks. I grabbed a clean (looking) pair off of the floor and went for a smell to verify they weren’t too bad. Somehow my coordination was off and the sock hit my lips. Both of them. The sock was wet. I reluctantly took a smell to confirm what I knew. My cat pissed on them. I proceeded to watch my face for the next 10 minutes. Lesson learned.
The match continues fucking around and after Shenanagins, the Headbangers win the coveted NWA title belts.
To close the show, we get…Marvelous Marc Mero vs Owen Hart. Mero gets DQed but the highlight is Sable and Luna getting into a fight and Sable saying “Get your ass back here right now you little bitch.” It pops the crowd because he cussed and her tits are each the size of an individual cow udder. Future lower back problems aside, the show ends with Luna and Sable being separated. What a…show.