Review: The Lazarus Effect

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Lazarus Project is a dumb film about people who haven’t ever attended a science class in their life trying to bring people back to life with shit. The scientist Zoe – unlike the 93% in the National Academy of Science – believes in God and not only that, but is a Christian. We can tell it’ll be THAT type of movie.

So one scientist talks about DMT and how near death experiences are hallucinations. The Christian out argues him of course!! A douche smokes an e cig and blows it in the dogs face. The dog almost kills him for it – not for blowing smoke but smoking an e-cig. What a loser!

They bring a stupid dog back to life. It’s a dick. I would put it down again. The scientists them realize they have the best invention ever. So pharmaceuticals buy them out and steal it.

Somehow, they’re still able to get in the lab that night and plan to bring a dog back to life but end up having to use the stuff on the girl that electrocutes herself. I always flip electrical switches and jump back. That way, I dont get stuck to it. You know by electricity. It’s a dick.

The guy decides he has to bring Zoe back to life. No one is for it but he forces them into it anyway, with probably the shittiest persuasion ever. It works and she sits up – but seems weird. She sees herself in a state of death and decay but the others see her as normal – at first. As time goes on, though, she starts losing her shit when she can read everyone’s mind. It doesn’t really tell us if it is Zoe doing this or if it is a demon possessing her doing it. Zoe explains, at one point, that hell is your worst life experience over and over again. That’s stupid. If God did that to us, then Jews in the Holocaust would be tortured endlessly (because they didn’t accept Christ) while some people might just experience sad events or quick deaths. I’m certain that the afterlife is NOTHING like that. Why? Because why the fuck WOULD it be? Better question.

At this point, I thought this would be a cool concept: what if anytime they brought something back, it might come back to life but the spirit or soul would be lost – and could be replaced by an evil demon spirit from hell or something. Then, it would explain why the dog almost went Cujo. By the way, they use that line in the movie.

So they all conveniently get locked into the lab (again, that they were forcibly removed from and hours later walked right back into). Zoe the possessed butthole eventually kills everyone then as the movie closes begins to reanimate everyone into demon people. She repeatedly injects herself with the Ketracel white that the Dominion use and is stronger because of it. I should have wrote that a few paragraphs ago but I’m lazy.

See that thing in his neck? That was the joke
See that thing in his neck? That was the joke

This movie sucked. Good movie for kids or dumb people to enjoy. 4/10

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