Review: Hancock

This looks like he is taking a homeless man shit. This looks like he is taking a homeless man shit.

Hancock should be called suck cock.

The story is about a guy, John Hancock, who is pretty much Superman in every way. Oh, except that he is extremely foul, an alcoholic (impossible) and caused millions of dollars in property damage across a city that doesn’t appreciate him.

See, if he were invulnerable or super-sonic, he would possess some type of metabolic rate that would be like a motor and not a human heart. He couldn’t consume enough alcohol to get drunk but he manages to in this. He crashes everywhere he goes. He fucks stuff up and the people hate him. He is also played by scientologist, Will Smith. He has seen better days and his career is now in the death stages thanks to his affiliation with stupidity. I mean, at least the Christians follow bullshit that was made up before their lifetime.

Hanpenis eventually meets an image repair man and in what are supposed to be funny segments, but aren’t, he works on repairing his image. He sucks at it but check this shit out, eventually, Ray’s (the image guy) wife turns out to be Hancock’s super-ex wife and they level the city in a fight that totally sanctions woman abuse. It is actually a little uncomfortable.

Folks, Jason Bateman plays Ray and as mentioned, Will Smith is in it as Handick. So this is not a cast I particularly want to see (live). Charlize Theron is in it.

I guess Hancock moves to New York City and there are plans for a shitty sequel to a shitty movie. I don’t want to see it and am ready for Will Smith to stop doing movies and go back to worshipping L Ron Hubbard with his wife, Vivica A Fox from Independence Day.

Hancock blows cock and I give it a 2/10 for the fact that it might make me have a dream that I could fly. I like those.

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