Batman: Arkham Knight is a fantastic game that still sucks a little.


Batman: Arkham Knight is an experience all gamers and Batman fans owe it to themselves to enjoy. The game rocks, has such a deep atmosphere and perfectly captures the Batmobile. But it still sucks in some ways and I’m here to point that out.

You open by burning the Joker’s body. He’s truly dead and this is there to basically symbolize it or prove it to anyone who still doubts. But Batman is far from finished with his work and Scarecrow is hatching a plan on the entire city of Gotham. The streets are evacuated of all except the lawless under the threat of chemical attack. Only one man can stop it – Batman.

This time, however, the game adds the Batmobile. It is a virtually indestructible car (until you’re fighting 40 tanks at a time, which isn’t an exaggeration). It goes super fast, can drive through 50% of everything (but 50% of things are mysteriously solid, as if sprayed with a super futuristic enamel coating), and gets stuck on fucking everything, too. But the car is bad ass and if you ever watched The Dark Knight wondering what that car would accurately feel like in a game, this pretty much is it. This Batmobile is a unique version, however, with a shitty cannon that won’t fire ever at cars, a shitty inaccurate Vulcan chain gun that fires slower than I could empty a semi-auto pistol and the worst fucking weapon in Batman’s arsenal – The IMMOBILIZER. I hate the immobilizer. It never locks on quick enough, misses all the time and you can’t unlock from a car for shit. Total fail here.

The Batmobile is going to be where you spend 40% of this game. Get ready for a driving game, because that’s what Rocksteady unintentionally created. You have to race through tracks and time trials or zany obstacle courses from the Riddler, none of which gave me any issues but just in fairness, I have to mention. I had a friend who I suggested the game to and he said “What the fuck, I hate driving games!” when he got it. You’re going to be driving the Batmobile this game and it is the co-star.

But that’s cool for someone who always wanted a Batman sim. You pretty much have to master car driving as Batman and this car does take a little bit to get used to. It has complicated controls and I like it, because that’s how Batman’s car would be – complicated. I just hate driving the car and getting stuck on random shit including the ground, front end first.

Now, for a few spoilers. If you don’t want to read spoilers, don’t read below this sentence or the line, idiot.

So Arkham Knight isn’t really a mystery like we are led to believe he will be. Pretty quickly into the story, we start getting Jason Todd hints and of course, it is Jason Todd. Batman manages to convince him to be a good guy by grabbing him four times in a Predator scenario, though.

Also, Batman doesn’t fucking die like they’re claiming he does. Poison Ivy does, though. She sacrifices herself to make everyone in Gotham have the worst allergies for years but also, they get to live so that’s pretty cool.

See, Scarecrow sets the toxin shit off and the city goes into full shit-throwing mode. Batman is able to save the day but it is really implausible. Ivy’s flower absorbs a city full of toxin. I don’t know, I just thought it was stupid. I hate plants.

It isn’t just Scarecrow you’ll be battling, this year. Firefly, Deathstroke (both from Origins), Two-Face, Penguin, Riddle Dick, Catwoman, Man-Bat, Harley and others make appearances. Pig Face was my man. I used to play GTA V as a pig-masked murderer who ran around, when you could still kill people and cause massive money losses, and totally destroyed people. Anyway, Pig is in the game. The Bible would refer to this villain as unclean for you in Leviticus.

Eventually you are revealed as Bruce Wayne and it kind of leaves the story with Wayne faking his own death while initiating the Knightfall protocol, referencing the Knightfall comic series.

Also, The Killing Joke and The Long Halloween are referenced, along with LOADS AND LOADS of material from the Grey Ghost to the Flying Graysons.

The game isn’t free from problems – and the PC Version apparently completely blows – but if you’re looking for a great next-gen console game to pick up, you can’t go wrong with Arkham Knight. 8.5/10.

Read about the fuck-ups in the game here.

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