Pixels sucks and I’m convinced Adam Sandler can’t make a good movie

False advertising. Pac-Man Jones isn't even that big in the movie
False advertising. Pac-Man Jones isn’t even that big in the movie

Pixels sucks, sorry folks. I wrote this line after the first line by the kid in the movie which sounded single take without rehearsal.

The plot of the movie is that a loser can save the world if aliens are retarded and attack us with video game monsters. Kevin James plays the President. We hear some typical old idiot Republican calling for war with Iran.

I enjoyed the Zapruder film JFK shot first joke. Biffs grandma is back with yelly Space Invader guy.

There are some gay jokes in terms of being less than a “man.” Didnt really appreciate that stupid shit. Who you are attracted to doesn’t affect your ability to kick someone’s fucking ass.

Adam Sandler and his sidekick have better accuracy than SEALS with real training. Right.

The whole movie was spoiled by the goddamn trailers.

Now, when Sandler pulls an impossibly ballsy reverse ramp off a parking garage onto another surface safely, it was an epic defeat of Pac-man.

Why does Q-Bert look like a perfect pocket pussy? I love Q-Bert and feel bad about writing that. Wow they made him charming. I thought they killed him but he jumped back up and the kids loved it. Guess who didn’t? Me.

Dinklage does good in this but the star is the weirdo dork guy. I love him.

“My second favorite President – you know Obamas still my man right?”

So they defeat Donkey Kong and the aliens go away. Q-Bert turns into the pixel chick which really feels negative for me. I liked Q Bert and think he could give better head. Sandler gets to kiss another girl and the movie ends with Martha Stewart and Serena Williams having sex with a midget.


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