In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage was underwhelming

download (3)

In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage is just after the Royal Rumble 1996. I also am watching an original recording of the PPV for this review, although it may not matter. The show, overall, was pretty dull but was definitely better than the previous few.

We actually begin with the Preview Channel’s preshow.

download (5)

Todd Pettingill opens up on the Free For All coming through the front door and screaming. He tosses it to Vince and the King! They discuss the show and stuff. A video. Doc Hendrix interviews Bret Hart, who has a WWF belt with most of the fake gold worn off. He says “You can train in vain but I refuse to lose.” I have one: I admit I must shit.

Tatanka, heel/Million Dollar Corporation, takes on Jake the Snake Roberts. We see a replay from the Rumble of King kicking out with the snake on him. The most ignorant thing in wrestling happens in this match. Do you want to guess what it is? THE CRISS-CROSS. We learn if you order the In Your House PPV tonight, you get TEN FREE HOURS of America Online. I had so many of those old free CDs they sent in the mail that I used to frisbee them into the trash, where they belonged.

This shit sucked.
This shit sucked.

I’m sitting here staring at a Sean Hannity book, thinking about burning it. Jake hits the DDT on Tatanka and pins him! King really sells it when Jake pulls his snake out. (Not his dick which I have heard was big). Todd has to explain to all of us how to order PPV because people were too stupid in 1996 to do it on their own.

Next, backstage, Doc interviews Shawn Michaels. This must have been the first or one of the first Free For Alls because they’re going all out and Vince only does that at the start of something new.

The newly reinstated Vader (with Cornette) comes out for an interview with Todd in the following segment. As King explains, Gorilla Monsoon (Methusla himself) attacks Vader and Vader just had to defend himself. Cornette says that Vader WILL be at tonight’s show. The Free for All ends. I swear, it was like half of the show!

Sunny appears and we can see her clit hanging down in the bikini, already pulverized beyond repair in 96, years before fans could buy a personal Webcam show in their house. Speaking of…

IN YOUR HOUSE is live in the Louisville Gardens. Razor Ramon opens up against the 123 Kid in a crybaby match. Yeah, we’re going to do that shit. The Kid comes out with a stroller. I’m guessing that Vince knew by now that Diesel and Razor were leaving. King used some ugly baby jokes that you can probably find here. (Link) Razor botches a sleeper by the Kid. It’s sloppy. But they have a pretty good match. Razor puts the diaper on the Kid in an odd moment to see.

The Kliq theme continues with HHH, accompanied by Elizabeth Hilton. Hunter wipes his nose. Cocaine. Duke The Dumpster does a 0/5 promo and runs out to attack Hunter for cutting his hair. Why would you just attack someone and cut their hair? King says Ms Hilton might want to run her hands through McMahon’s hair – “Do you remember where you left it?” King also looks her over during the split screen in hilarious fashion. This guy owns TV time. Give him 3 seconds and he steals 30 minutes. Hunter botches the finish by hitting Duke Droese with a trash lid and dropping the garbage can lid on the referee who wasn’t supposed to see it!! Lol

In a promo by Yokozuna, it sounds like he says Jim Cornette hot dogged the spot light. Yoko has recently turned face. He’s up to 650 here and looks like shit. He faces the British Bulldog. The match isn’t good but I can’t believe how fat Yokozuna was in this match. Vader runs in and beats up Yoko.

Owen Hart vs Shawn Michaels is up next. HBK swings in on a rope from the roof of the house. You could tell he was about to get the belt. Not sure why but King and Vince both start saying something about hot dogs here, too. WHATS UP WITH HOT DOGS DAMMIT? It’s a nice little match and HBK wins, retaining his Wrestlemania title shot.

Rowdy Roddy Piper, the late great Hot Rod, makes some Wrestlemania matches, including Yokozuna vs Vader one on one. He does a thing with Jim Cornette which is boring and man, Piper is at his worst here. Can’t understand him.

Bret “Hitman” Hart faces Diesel in the main-event that Gorilla Monsoon made last month at the Rumble. It’s a 15 foot high steel cage! It’s really 10 feet high. I’ve heard Bret Hart was difficult during the booking of this by Kevin Nash, because he really wanted to look strong. Consider this, though: Bret was the WWF’s Hulk Hogan. He could be a LITTLE demanding and it be expected. Hulk was 1000 times worse than this for his whole career.

Bret works on the leg of Big Daddy Cool the entire match. Diesel comes back and it’s about 60/40 Diesel. It feels pretty tedious. I have to get up and check the mail because it’s so boring. Undertaker costs Diesel the match because he told him last month he would never be the champion again cause the devil or something. Bret Hart retains the belt.

In Your House extra is up next but all it is is Roddy making Undertaker and Diesel for Mania.

Advertisements

One thought on “In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage was underwhelming”

  1. The funny thing about Jake Roberts vs. Tatanka is, these two men had criss-crossed career paths four years earlier in 1992, as Tatanka made his WWF debut before WrestleMania VIII, right before Jake would leave the WWF for WCW after jobbing to The Undertaker at that very same PPV. Then, Jake returns to the WWF at the 1996 Royal Rumble right as Tatanka was leaving for nine years until August 2005. Weird stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

Say something! Comment here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s