In Your House 9: International Incident was a lot of fun

IYHII

In Your House International Incident ended up being a very fun event, thanks to some future stars on the card as well as comedic moments from the King. The event is from Vancouver, BC. We begin with the Free For All. JR, King and the chairman, Vince are all in commentary. The fireworks go off for our free audience, as the instrumental version of Slam Jam plays.

Savio Vega will open up the event with a match against Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw. Of course that’s today’s JBL. He knocked out Savio a few weeks ago on Raw with a cowbell. Savio needed more of it. Guess who comes out managing Bradshaw? Uncle Zebekiah aka Zeb Coulter. Bradshaw is very physical. He wins with a foot on the rope that would have helped him none. Bradshaw hits his lariat but it’s way milder than his future version. Savio gets “branded” by Zeb, but it’s not hot. Just has shoe polish on it or something.

We get an Undertaker music video and because Goldust and Taker will wrassle tonight. Goldust joins the commentary team to do a movie-script-promo. I liked those.

Also, we review that the Ultimate Warrior was replaced by Sycho Sid, who drives a Lincoln into a dumpster. When he gets out of his car, his music plays. Did he have WWF Metal in his CD player?

A Jose Lathario/Jim Cornette debate is next. Jose punches Cornette. Vader and HBK run out.

A Stone Cold interview! It’s good. He says he’ll knock the hell out of you in one second son. Austin says “on the 8th day, God created Stone Cold and I’m rewriting the book.” Seems like they were going the blasphemous route.

Back to our commentators. JRs mic is out. One of the fans yanks King’s headset off and he gets hot! Vince laughs his ass off.

FINALLY It is time for IN YOUR GODDAMN HOUSE.

The Smoking Guns open up the show managed by Sunny, who you can drop money on for a personal skype video of her fingering herself. They face the Body Donnas, who have dropped Cloudy officially (as of the pre match interview). JR calls Sunny a jezebel and King says you’d give your right arm to go out with her. JR says he’s married but King laughs. I’ve heard stories that JR isn’t exactly loyal. That he likes to *watch* the fun. I wonder if he ever says “Good gawd good gawd she may be broken in half.” The Body Donna win!

Mankind was scheduled to face Jake Roberts but he was injured. Henry Godwin is his replacement, with Hillbilly Jim. This match serves as elevation to Mankind’s character. Very effective, because as a child, he scared the fuck out of me! I was still in the period of thinking wrestling was real, and of course seeing some slammed on concrete like Foley was here, from the ring apron, was strong evidence to a 10 year old. We see a shade of this bizarre human’s brilliance as he counters the Slop Drop by holding onto the ropes ingeniously. Mankind wins with the terrifying mandible claw. He runs down the aisle for a second like a regarded person. Apple corrected that R word, but I’ll leave it because the people it would have offended won’t get it, now.

Stone Cold Steve Austin is up next against “Wildman” Marc Mero. It is a rematch from their King of the Ring semi-final match. Mero botched a move and caused an injury to Stone Cold that he returned from, to deliver a bloody-mouthed Austin 3:16 speech that launched his career. Austin also has a rarely used set of tights with a “Stone Cold” logo on the back!! Austin has quite a decent fan base even at this point. These matches are always tainted by Sable’s annoying “Come on! Come on! Come on Marc!” You know, if I were in a fight or a battle, the advice that probably would help me the least is “Come on.” In my mind, I wouldn’t be thinking, “I know why I am losing this fight! I am not coming on. I need to come on.” I dare you to watch this fucking match with the volume up or headphones on and not hear it 10,000 times. The match seems fairly stiff. Austin goes for a power bomb as fast as a ceiling fan rotates and about causes a death. Sable adds “Let’s go” to her audible strategies to Marc, whom she occasionally names in case Steve Austin accidentally assumes this game-changing advice is for him and takes it. Mero counters the Stunner in the same way Mankind countered the Stop Drop – by holding the rope. But Austin delivers a Stunner – no kick to set it up – and wins. Then, he makes 3 1 6 hand gestures. Really not how they like to pretend he acted, looking back from 2015.

The Undertaker music video, featuring Mankind being scary to me at 10, is played again. It is a pretty well done piece. This angle was great.

Goldust is out next to face The Undertaker. Vince says he is the most “bizarre individual in the history of the WWF.” King says “What about JR?” The Undertaker makes his magnificent entrance. King is speculating about who is in the urn. He says “I hope no one ever cremates Jake “The Snake” Roberts. He’d burn for four days wouldn’t he?” We hear silence for a second or two and JR, who I think is smiling, says “Yah awt tah be ashamed of yahself, Kang.” Lots of talk about mind games and lots of it played. Lawyer is using a lot of movie titles to discuss the match. JR says “Bah yore a regahlur Siskel and E-bert aren’t ya, Kang?” King says Siskel and Ebert wouldn’t use their thumbs to rate him they’d use their middle fingers! LOL. Try to cut this guy down and it’s your demise!!

The match picks up and is a lot of the Undertaker beating Goldust up. I am trying to write about the match but anytime I do, King says something else! He says he wishes Goldust would “go over there and give Paul Bearer that gold finger of his…..in his nose or something.” I think this match may be the first time Undertaker does a small package/inside cradle. There’s an annoying bird outside of my office. Just as Undertaker is preparing to win, Mankind appears from under the ring and drags him to HELL!!!! Undertaker comes up from the other side of the ring! That’s…not really that supernatural. But they fight and shit.

We are at the announce table next and a fan puts a Burger King crown on KING!! The best part is that he doesn’t notice it at first!!! Cornette has promised to refund everyone’s money if his team loses. King says “This guy over here’s not getting a refund. He’s gonna get thrown out. Or knocked out!”

We see Undertaker and Mankind brawling in the boiler room. That’ll set up the legendary Summerslam ‘Boiler Room Brawl.’ Out of the blue, randomly, King says the ring may be on fire.

COLISEUM VIDEO EXCLUSIVE – Just for those of you who paid $45 for a VHS, a Mankind/Goldust backstage interview that is strange and yet, quite effective looking back. Mankind calls Goldust “Mommy!”

We see the build video to the main event that we saw on Free For All. Rene fucking Goulet makes a cameo. I’d recognize that Emmet L Brown hairstyle anywhere. In the backstage interview, Ahmed says something unintelligible. I hear laughter.

HBK comes out and the crowd knocks the guardrail over! King laughs! But it’s an epic, unplanned moment in HBK’s history. A WWF champion the crowd was going truly crazy for. Ahmed Johnson comes out to a good reaction and then Sycho Sid! That’s how they spelled it.

Michaels gets nailed by Owen’s cast and Vader tosses him out. A stupid fan pretends to run into the ring and Ahmed Johnson AND The Bulldog charge him and he gets the fuck out of there! King laughs. Ahmed was loaded to kill him with a punch. As far as matches go, this one is pretty good. The fans are into it. The ref has to stop counting to three on Shawn after a running power slam by the Bulldog, because Sid takes the scenic route to hit a leg drop. Thanks to help from Cornette, Vader pins HBK, setting up Summerslam’s main event. Some of the fans are happy. The good guys clean house and are halfway booed!

COLISEUM VIDEO EXCLUSIVE – Backstage with Cornette and crew, discussing Vader’s up coming title shot. Vader just keeps mumbling and growling. He would be hard to discuss something with. That’s our show, folks.

Thanks to some commentary moments and future superstars shining, a good event to see. 8/10.

“You know, if I would just ‘Let’s go’ I would probably win this.”

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