In Your House 12: It’s Time made me laugh.

IYH12

In Your House: It’s Time is the last pay per view of 1996. It’s presented by Milton Bradley Karate Fighters – a shit toy. Bret “Hitman” Hart faces Sid for the championship. We are in West Palm Beach, Florida. The fucking house set is back!!! Also, the trio is on commentary. JR, King and Vince. A fan behind the Spanish commentary table had a sign asking Sunny if she wants to wrestle. I know the answer in 2015.

Leif Cassidy, Al Snow, is our heel against Flash Funk, 2 Cold Scorpio. “I know thas right!” Vince says as Flash comes out. The Funkettes are with him, not to be confused with Funkadactyls. Vince is DANCING. King is about to knock someone out. Flash botches a corner move. He wins with a 450 splash in a rather good match between the two ECW stars. JR says we will see things from both of these men, especially Flash Funk. It actually was especially Al Snow. JR incorrectly calls it a “Shooting Star Press.”

Tag-team titles are on the line next! Diesel and Razor face Bulldog and Owen. JR says these guys aren’t 50 years old and bald. Hypocrisy. Some unknown Mexican wrestlers come out for no reason. Stone Cold comes out for no reason too. He just wanders around until the Bulldog attacks him. Bulldog and Owen end up winning the match and getting a massive pop from the crowd! Austin comes back and attacks Bulldog!

Time for an interview with Ahmed Johnson! Nothing Ahmed says can be understood. “You almost lost something else…your career!” They would not say anything about death!! Ahmed says he only lives for these people. “Call Dr. Kevorkian.” King says. Farooq comes out and calls Ahmed “Uncle Tom.” Once again, I can’t understand him well. Do people not listen to themselves? Ahmed has a fanny pack on. He also wears the weirdest outfits.

Wildman Marc Mero attempts to regain his IC title against Hunter Hearst Helmsley. JR says there is a rumor about HHH and Kathie Lee Gifford!! The match is a very entertaining contest but ends in Mero winning via count out thanks to Goldust hitting HHH (and Mero). Goldust was beginning a face run with HHH hitting on Marlena. Mero takes the championship belt by accident, lol! Vince freaks out and has to signal to Howard Finkel to announce that Hunter Hearst Helmsley is still the champion.

An Armageddon Rules match happens next. What’s that? A Last Man Standing match. Yeah. They were doing this uncreative shit by naming regular matches special things (Final Curtain match). This contest is between The Undertaker and The Executioner, in a ridiculous outfit. A fantastic moment happens in this match: Mankind runs out and trips smacks his entire body on the concrete. He smacks it!!!!! I can’t stop laughing at it. But Foley rolls over and grabs Takers leg. Good save but man, one of the funniest accidents I can imagine seeing. Security comes out and maces Mankind. The camera man goes through the house and my suspicions are confirmed: it isn’t really a house. It is just a set. Also, does it make much sense that the arena is set up with a house set that makes the wrestling-action occur on the OUTSIDE of a house, and not “In Your House?” Undertaker knocks Executioner into a river and he comes back, just in time to take a wet – and extremely hard to deliver Tombstone. Water pours off of Executioner! The Dead Man wins. Undertaker has the right thigh of his pants busted out completely.

We get a promo for the 1997 Royal Rumble. Looking forward to reviewing it, but it had the most addictive generic theme ever! Its still stuck in my head.

Bret Hart does a prematch interview but HBK comes to the ring and pisses him off by interrupting him. They’re building up a Wrestlemania rematch that Shawn backs out of because he lost his fucking smile. Reality was Shawn would have lost to set up a rubber match and he didn’t want to do that. So he ruined the company’s Wrestlemania plans, causing the lowest buy rate in Mania history. However, Shawn did set up Stone Cold/Bret Hart, which was each man’s best match ever in my awesome opinion. Shawn never shuts up in this fucking commentary. He’s got an issue with being able to conclude points well. He can talk alright but never finds a good conclusion so he keeps going and going when you’re mentally beginning him to stop.

Shawn brings up a point I’ve never noticed before! “Bret Hart does not hook legs.” And he doesn’t. He does press his body uniquely over opponents and it is a sort of trademark – a quick, weighty pin. I can’t wait till wrestling games get THAT level of detail in them. Sid goes for the leg drop and misses it. JR says he’s never liked that move. They loved taking jabs at WCW. Apple corrected that to “keg drop” perhaps assuming Jake “The Snake” was wrestling. Sid hits his chokeslam, the signature one-armed variation, but Hitman kicks out. The battle goes outside. Bret steals Shawn’s chair but Sid throws Bret back in. Then he’s like “you didn’t give him that did you?” And King screams “Yeah he gave it to him!” Sid pie-faces Shawn and returns to the ring. Shawn gets on the apron and Bret runs into him. Sid powerbombs Bret! He pins him! WOW. Bret never lost back then. Kudos to Sid.

Then Bret beats the fuck out of Shawn for being alive. Shawn almost gets into it with a fan several times, which is strange considering he’s a baby face. Shawn will face Sid at Royal Rumble and our show concludes with Sid and Shawn both trying to talk to the camera at once.

For an IYH, not the worst but not the best. 7/10. I do seriously believe that seeing Mankind trip and fall may have been worth ordering this show. I’m still laughing over it.

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