Monday Night Raw’s second episode was bad.

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The second episode of Raw was January 18, 1993 and was the lead-in to the Royal Rumble. Makes sense that they’ll BARELY mention it! The siren is going off. It’s Vince, a microphone-less Rob Bartlett and Macho Man Savage, who gets NAILED by Repo Man just as he is about to talk. It is chaos from the get-go! Then our sick ass open hits.

Terrific Terry Taylor comes out next. He has trouble getting passed the model (not Rick Martel). He will face MISTER….PERFECT. (Howard Finkel impression). Bartlett no sells the seriousness of Savage’s attack, asking him if he saw his car. (#10). A We Want Flair chant. Heenan calls in to tell “Ron Bartlett” off. A “This match sucks” chant!!! “Uh oh!” Bartlett says! (#11). Flair comes out to the crowd’s delight. Vince calls the Perfectplex “The Superplex!”

A lady I would rank around 3/10 blows kisses at the camera. WTF? What was the idea behind this?

Bret Hart is out, still to his classic Hart Foundation theme which was good. Some obnoxious marks are booing Bret. Bret calls Razor Ramon SCUM. He defends his title this Sunday at the Royal Rumble. Story was that originally, The Ultimate Steroid Warrior was supposed to do the honors to Bret but he was fired before the Survivor Series because I guess Vince actually gave him a real drug test. Razor was still a great challenger but this was early in Razor’s career and Bret getting a win over him wouldn’t do NEARLY as much for the Hitman as beating the Warrior would have. Oh well, WWF fucking sucked back then (still does).

Paul Bearer says too many people are dying in Somalia, but unlike Undertakers opponents, they don’t have a choice. I busted out laughing. They seriously had a fucking dead zombie appeal to the public’s desire to donate to starving children.

Marty Jannetty faces a straight up jobber this week. This is to build the anticipation between he and Shawn Michaels match at this Sunday’s Royal Rumble. Fans chant “we want Shawn.” He comes on the phone. “You sure it’s not Heenan?” The inept Bartlett asks, not recognizing his super unique voice. (#12). Bartlett says he likes Macho’s hairdo! Jannetty randomly wins. I didn’t even notice how he did it, although he didn’t break the guy’s neck and cost Vince $14 million.

Vince is being serious talking about Crush being injured by Doink and Bartlett says “He didn’t have a leg to stand on, Crush…err….Dork?” (#13) Vince completely disregards him.

Savage and Repo Man exchange some back and forth via camera. It is a hair above awkward. Then, it’s a Royal Rumble report with Mean Gene Okerlund! These segments were a total highlight for me. Okerlund sold the shows in a way no one else could do. They tried doing these with Todd Pettengill and folks, he sucked.

Todd_Pettengill

Randy Savage runs out into traffic, looking for Repo Man. At one point, a car nearly hits him. Vince yells about it, probably really freaking out. Don’t worry, Vince. I doubt anyone is going to accidentally run over the guy dressed in 10 million sequins, a cowboy hat and streamers.

El Matador Tito Santana faces Ric Flair next. The crowd is very pro Flair. Bartlett is atrocious. Mr Perfect interferes and causes a DQ win for Flair. Then, they fight through commercial. Flair talks to Vince McMahon and in the middle of the interview, walks up to a random chick and kisses her on the lips!!!! He challenges Perfect to a career ending match next Monday night. Mr Perfect accepts.

Raw ends with no mention of the Royal Rumble Sunday but we see Repo Man stealing Bartlett’s “car” which is an SUV. His acting convinced us that it isn’t real at all. The show was bad.

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