No Man’s Sky is a fucking let down

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I looked forward to this game for years and GODDAMN if it isn’t another fucking total let down. Even Rebel Galaxy had more to do in it than this piece of shit! Literally, Rebel Galaxy is free for PS Plus this month. Get it and play it instead.

So I thought about ending the review there, since it would be the review-equal to No Man’s Sky – a game with a fun beginning and nothing else. However, unlike the devs for that game, I’m not a lazy liar. You see, the developers of this game actually lied about what was in the game during interviews and promotions. 

If you’re new to what has been going on with this, the video below

Pretty good video compiling all of the bullshit the game makers touted with this. Now, I will address a few of the lies associated with this game along with my complaints and basically, whatever else I can type before this turtle head of a shit has to be pressed out of me.

You begin on a planet with no instructions. No tutorials. I actually LOVE THIS. I’m so sick of tutorials and shit to read in a game. This just throws me in and makes me figure it out. It works, too. Gamers aren’t usually too stupid. However, within the first 30 minutes, you’ve done everything there is to do in the game.

No, I’m not even kidding. Collecting resources, repairing your equipment and launching your spaceship. That’s the entire game. There is nothing else to do besides name planets and name star systems and *gasp* name flora and fauna.

The Flora and Fauna

We should talk about this for a little bit. If I go outside, on the one planet I’ve been to, I’ll see a pretty unique array of life. Sure, most planets in the universe are not this ‘full,’ but when I look around, I don’t see retarded shit like a fucking 15 foot tall CLAM. Why is that fucking CLAM on every planet? There are also stalagmites and stalactites on each planet. (I remember the lesson from 5th grade on how to tell the difference. Stalactites hold on tight and stalagmites don’t make a fuck unless you’re a nerd). There are also strange, square rock formations on each surface. They’re all identical.

Oh, but they have a different latin name when you find them. OOOOOOOOH.

Aside from discovering the same five rocks, clam plants, and egg flowers on every planet in the universe, there are very rarely unique discoveries after a few hours of gameplay. I found a flying space caterpillar once and I found a dog with the head of a razorback once. I shot both of them.

The Multiplayer Aspect

There isn’t one.

The Story Mode

There isn’t one. (Yes, the game is single player and doesn’t have a story mode)

The Crafting Element

You can craft items for your ship, your spacesuit or your multitool (your gun, which mines and scans and shoots grenades). The upgrades are Greek alphabet based and it’s pretty simple, really. The early ones, sigma, suck and the later ones, omega, are pretty helpful. Most revolve around making your laser beam run out slower, or making your pulse gun fire faster. There aren’t really but three weapons and those can all be heavily modified but still – three…weapons.

This is also one of those games which starts you out WEAK AND USELESS so you have to craft basic upgrades just to be normal. The jetpack runs out after about three seconds without an upgrade and you can run about as long as the average fat person before you gas out. You’ll also need to build heat, cold, radiation and toxin shields to help you. I needed a heat shield in real life once, when I went to my grandma’s and she had the fucking heat on in the summer.

At Least I Get to Meet Aliens and Solve Puzzles, Right?

Oh, I guess on a very simplistic level, this is true. However, the numerical “puzzles” are generally the EXACT SAME PROBLEM: The digits must be moved backwards once. Sometimes, you have to do a little multiplication and once, I even had to do subtraction. *gasp* Only once, though.

Each alien you encounter does the same thing: sit entirely stationary without moving ever, give you a quick little mission involving turning in a resource, and reward you with something you already had. You can earn faction with three different species in the universe but there is literally nothing of a benefit from earning this reputation and – YES THERE ARE ONLY THREE ALIEN RACES IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE LOL. Early on, I thought “Hmm. It would be cool if I was the only person to encounter this Gek species and different planets had evolved different alien races.” Nah, there are fucking three.

Other shit

The developers repeatedly said I would encounter other players but I have never encountered another player. No one has. This is not in the game and if it is, it is poorly implemented. I’m not saying I should all the time but maybe once every few hours in game, I run across someone?

There is nothing to do in this game. Nothing. You have an aimless goal and folks, I YouTubed the ending of the game: NOTHING HAPPENS. You reset and start over, assumingly with your old technology, but without any types of perks or reward. There isn’t even an annoying MILESTONE for doing it.

Am I three feet tall? Why is my guy so short? This shit is annoying, too. I walk up to people staring at their cocks asking to trade.

The game crashes way too much when warping between systems. It has loads and LOADS of glitches, including one that has prevented me from uploading and completing a planet with very little life on it. This has been bugged for a week.

The sound of the game is good, though. They really want the sound to be mentioned so here, I mentioned it.

The game is fun for about 5 hours. If it had been $20, I would have been let down. Unfortunately, it was $60, which should be criminal. The game was falsely advertised and represented and you should not purchase it. If you did, you can get a refund from Sony or Steam and you should attempt to. This type of misleading Trump-business tactic bullshit is killing our economy and our world with poor quality rip-offs in every sector. It won’t stop until the public wakes up and realizes greed, aka capitalism unchecked, isn’t the best answer.

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