I’m playing Dragon Age Inquisition finally, because it was on sale for what it was worth upon release – like $7. I picked it up and immediately was happy I didn’t pay for this game when it first came out. Two years after it was released, it’s still a piece of shit when you really get down to brass tacks.
My instant, first gripe that comes to mind with this game is the X button (For PS4 users. I hate XBox Ones and you should feel dumb if you bought one). EA and whoever made this mapped almost every command to the X button. Yes. With more buttons than ever before on a controller, some of which are so fucking small, you can’t naturally press them unless you have Mr. Fantastic hands (the Options button, awful). Why did they do this? I don’t know – stupid? Lazy? No beta testers with balls to speak up? Jumping, looting, talking to someone, opening doors, selecting dialogue, fucking a LOT is mapped to this in overlapping ways. You’ll run up to a carcass (sometimes bigger than the thing you destroyed) and you’ll jump instead of looting it, looking like an absolute retard.
Next, the game is overly glitchy. I can’t believe I’m playing a game two years after patches were finished. How fucking bad must this have been before they patched it – since you know they released it with more bugs than it has, now. Environments load up with none of the layers rendered, quite often actually. My character sometimes glitches and can’t move or do actions, requiring me to do a quick travel – minimum. Sometimes, enemies just stand there next to you and fucking do nothing, killing the immersion (Angry Joe). This is all off the top of my head after about a hundred hours of gameplay and I didn’t make a list but yeah, damn, this hurts the game.
Boring ass story? Check. Dragon Age Origins had a fair enough story. This game feels like a cheap knock-off of it, with some more WOW added to it. There’s shit with the Templars and Mages again, OH YOU GOTTA PICK ONE LOL. CHOICES. I’ll get to that in a minute. But I find myself skipping much of the dialogue, thankfully easy to do, because it just drones on and on and on. They try to wedge these little distinct personalities in your companions and your choices will piss them off or make them happy. This is nothing new. We’ve had this for years so I’m not as entertained anymore by repetitive features.
Now, as for the choices in the game, they’re bullshit. I reloaded a save once, chose a different option, and the fucking same line of dialogue played as the one which first played for me under a different choice. You don’t impact this game world nearly as much as you’d like to believe you do.
Also, evidently, it doesn’t make a flying fuck how many agents or people you recruit into the inquisition. Just like with Mass Effect 3, also a shitty EA game, the endings are all reportedly unaffected by your hard work.
Why do game companies do this? How is this a good idea, at all?
The essence of giving me options is different outcomes. If they’re all the same, I never really had any options. It’s like the idea of going to hell for not being gullible enough, ie stupid enough, to believe in a god (in a world of 4,200 fake religions, you think they’re is one real one which requires you to *gasp* suspend your own reasoning and blindly follow it like a lamb? LOL NO. That’s completely senseless, just like this video game is. And yes, clearly, this was just a contrived excuse to go off on religion again. Shut up.
I enjoyed Dragon Age Inquisition but it is lacking in one key trait – quality.
In 2016, nothing comes with quality anymore. Phones blow up in your hands, games are shipped with shitty bugs or just false advertising and the world is all about profit and greed, thanks to capitalism, unchecked by conservatives who are elected by the uneducated population who thinks the “media” is a single, unified entity working against Trump.
Yes, folks. You might not realize it, but decisions on our political level, which affect our economic structure, will eventually trickle-down to impacting the quality of the products you buy, including video games. Stop voting for conservatives, stop making it possible for corporate greed to control our world, and stop making it possible for companies to totally fuck customers (EA) and thrive under that business model.
Or you can vote for people worried about gays getting married, trans people taking a piss, and defending a candidate who bragged about grabbing pussy and then called allegations of him actually doing it a “rigged-system.”
Fuck this game. 6/10