Mass Effect Andromeda fucking sucks

This helmet looks stupid. Why would you need to look out of your crown?

Mass Effect Andromeda is the latest disappointment from Electronic Farts. Following the promised conclusion to the “Mass Effect Trilogy,” we of course get another title. Like all these fools who think Sony will suddenly stop making Uncharted games. Or Last of Us games. I knew they weren’t done with this and as expected, they shit out another title set “in another galaxy.” Good way around the excuse that you’re done, except that it’s not and you lied.

So, I’m not complaining the game was made, for you stupid fanboy nerd fucks out there. I’m happy, obviously, because I bought it. What I’m complaining about is the game developers lying. I’m also complaining about the quality of this game because it’s slop. Not only are the animations lazy and, as well documented in other reviews, comedic, but the game is RIDDEN with bugs. The game has crashed on me constantly or frozen on me in places where I had to close and start the game again (Strike Team missions). The multiplayer is routinely laggy, although it is routinely good, too. It’s weird.

Once again, back in the multiplayer arena is a premium aspect to the game – although you can earn all the points by putting in hard work. This is something I can accept. However, what I don’t like is how they only put about 30 guns in the videogame, but made you buy TEN versions of it to fully upgrade it. Yes, same as before, but it sucked before and it sucks now. This is stupid. This is how you get by designing more guns.

In the single player, we need to be honest. The story sucks. It’s cheap and feels like a college student wrote it. You’re playing as the son or daughter of a pathfinder who (spoilers ahead) dies and, because he can actually just do this, gives you his powers. What are they? Ehh you get to level up all the abilities like Shepard always did in the previous games. You can select different profiles, now, though. I like that, a little, but you always end up sticking with one or two because you focus on that playstyle.

So, the game gives you the option to colonize like six or so planets and you can do missions to help your bases. You’re also faced with lots of choices, but to be honest, I don’t get the sense many of my decisions make a fuck. Since most of the choices are one of two options, I also dont’ feel like there is any replay value to this. I don’t care enough to wonder what would have happened had I selected “the other option,” enough to want to play through this piece of shit again.

As I’ve complained about before, the game starts you off with shit equipment and makes you level up to even be decent. The vehicle sucks early on, until you make upgrades for it. I never get that, in games. So everyone sucked ass until I came along and began the story? That makes no sense. Why can’t one thing already be level 7 and another be level 2 and another be level 4? Nah, it’s all level 1. No one ever earned an experience point in life until the day you pressed X to start.

The soundtrack is pretty badass, though. Already downloaded it on Apple Music. Pretty sure whoever made this must have been paid shit and the developers probably also fought against using it anyway.

The graphics are HORRIBLE. From the animations to the actual skin quality, this game doesn’t look as good as Fallout 4 to me, which is my minimum standard at this stage. I kept expecting it to load more rendering on faces at first, until I finally realized they just weren’t going to look much better than the last game.

Overall, this is a 5/10 game. If you’re really into the franchise, you’ll enjoy it. If you’re not, you probably will say “What is this? Who cares? This is stupid and boring.”

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