I hate pit bulls

Shit bulls are the worst breed of dog possible. They’re so bad, people have to lie and pretend to push propaganda that they’re not. Like guns, pit bulls are made for killing. Unlike guns, pit bulls aren’t awesome. Well, they’re awesome when you have a gun and get to legally use it on the shit head.

The problem isn’t that the pit bull breed itself is dangerous, even though it immensely IS (more in a second on this). The problem, usually, is a negligent owner. That’s common, since America’s population lacks and the country is full of morons. So, since MOST people probably can’t care for this dog appropriately, we need to get rid of it.

Pit bulls weren’t bred to be merely aggressive. They were bred to be part of a BARBARIC practice called “bull baiting” whereby a bull cow would be tied and several dogs would be released into the pit to bite it slowly to death. Dogs with snouts or merciful tendencies weren’t appropriate for this so they needed dogs with big, wide razor blade mouths and evil brains that snapped like Chris Benoit.

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This Instagram photo from the 1800 shows several shitbulls attacking a nice cow. One of the dumbass dogs is flying in the background because it got the fuck kicked out of it. There’s only white people present, because you know white people had to come up with this cruel shit.

Pit bulls have tremendous jaw strength, which is why when they bite, they never let go until death. My pawpaw always told me if I was ever getting bitten by a pit bull, to shove my finger up its asshole and twist. I’m not sure if that would have made the dog let go or just think I was a weirdo while he was killing me.

But after bull baiting was banned, pit bulls found a new use:

Due to public outrage, bull baiting was banned in England in 1835. Bulldog breeders and owners then moved to the sport of “ratting,” where a number of rats were placed into a pit and wagers were made on how many rats the dog could kill in a certain time period. – DogsBite.org

Pit bulls weren’t even recognized by the American Kennel Club when it was first formed because they were BRED FOR VIOLENCE. Look at the damn thing!

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I stole that photo from a website called Honest To Paws (barf). The article I linked to says a family is working to break stereotypes of pitbulls and includes this statement:

The undisputed truth is that pit bulls are trained by dog fighters to be vicious. Because they make headlines when they attack someone, people have begun to believe that they are innately violent. The amount of media coverage pit bulls receive when there is an attack has reinforced a negative and false perception of them.

That is a LIE. These fools can’t do research. They even cite their own PERSONAL EXPERIENCES as evidence, which isn’t evidence. You found a dog that doesn’t tear your baby up – great! Does that mean you let the entire breed go unchecked?

Would you do that with a lion?

Folks, I’ll leave you with this. This is what the ASPCA itself says about the pit bull.

Today’s pit bull is a descendant of the original English bull-baiting dog—a dog that was bred to bite and hold bulls, bears and other large animals around the face and head.  When baiting large animals was outlawed in the 1800s, people turned instead to fighting their dogs against each other. These larger, slower bull-baiting dogs were crossed with smaller, quicker terriers to produce a more agile and athletic dog for fighting other dogs.

Some pit bulls were selected and bred for their fighting ability. That means that they may be more likely than other breeds to fight with dogs. It doesn’t mean that they can’t be around other dogs or that they’re unpredictably aggressive.  Other pit bulls were specifically bred for work and companionship. These dogs have long been popular family pets, noted for their gentleness, affection and loyalty. And even those pit bulls bred to fight other animals were not prone to aggressiveness toward people. Dogs used for fighting needed to be routinely handled by people; therefore aggression toward people was not tolerated. Any dog that behaved aggressively toward a person was culled, or killed, to avoid passing on such an undesirable trait. Research on pet dogs confirms that dog aggressive dogs are no more likely to direct aggression toward people than dogs that aren’t aggressive to other dogs.

It is likely that that the vast majority of pit bull type dogs in our communities today are the result of random breeding—two dogs being mated without  regard to the behavioral traits being passed on to their offspring.  The result of random breeding is a population of dogs with a wide range of behavioral predispositions. For this reason it is important to evaluate and treat each dog, no matter its breed, as an individual. – ASPCfuckingA

So, knowing that the entire dog breed originated as a way for hateful (white) people to get their rocks off when they weren’t invading sovereign land and “colonizing” it, do you still want to keep defending the pieces of shit? Or, maybe, admit that:

  1. A random pit bull is a dangerous animal
  2. Most shitty drug dealers and criminals buy them for protection which means…
  3. A LOT of pit bulls are raised in shitty homes and taken to the pound which means…
  4. You should NEVER adopt a pit bull unless you are getting it from someone who is a reputable breeder….
  5. and since dog breeding is shitty, you should never get a pit bull.

I win.

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The Titan is stupid people sci-fi

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I was recently finished patrolling the rooftops of my neighborhood while looking for crime and decided to watch a Netflix original. The movie is called the Titan and it stars the guy who played Falcone in Batman Begins, who has been eating a lot, as about the dumbest scientist fathomable.

The year is sometime in the future. Planet Earth has been royally fucked because we kept voting for Republicans and a nuclear war broke out. Life as we know it must be evacuated to another planet. We keep hearing this, as our main characters jog through the Hidden Valley on the ranch dressing bottles. None of the devastation has reached our main characters but it’s everywhere else I guess. Speaking of, our main characters are Terminator Salvation guy and always aghast girl. This chick is fucking always speechless about something. It’s really annoying because I’m sitting here like, “Okay, your husband is turning into Prometheus with snake hands.” but she can’t figure it out.

The premise is that since earth is shit, we have to go live somewhere. There’s a moon of Saturn called Titan which is like earth, but it has liquid methane instead of liquid water. It’s totally inhospitable to humans. But, Falcone wants to terraform HUMANS instead of the planet. That’s his sales pitch, anyway. We later learn he’s injecting people with wild animal DNA and it’s making them all pretty much deadly idiots.

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I really don’t care, do u

The problem I have with it is in this simple thought: if they are physically evolving, why would they mentally DEVOLVE and become stupid animals who throw their wife through the glass while aghast lady just stares with her mouth open?

The movie trots along at first giving you this generic love story with a family who wants to survive this planet’s fate. In a military briefing room, everyone listens to Falcone tell them about the insane plan. IMMEDIATELY, a generic nerd guy objects and says the most basic line ever.

“I’m just not sure about the SCIENCE.”

“Do you have a family? No? Then shut up.”

“Okay.”

And that’s the end of that. It was dumb and it made me mad. I canceled my family’s annual Christmas party through text message, I was so upset.

So at first, everyone is just occassionally getting dark veins when they cough. Some of them learn to breathe underwater for 30 minutes. One of the scientists says, “Oxygenation at 4 percent.” You lose consciousness at 80-percent or so, in real life. This creature’s blood cells no longer need oxygen. Then, suddenly, the main character tears his vest off and starts swimming like a FISH! It was funny and ridiculous. I GUESS THEY PUT TEH FISH DNA IN HIM

His wife is just aghast at all of this. She steals a dirty Q-tip he used, which is a hilarious nickname for people with skinny necks long necks and big heads. She takes it to her laboratory, because she’s sCiEnTiSt too, and she inspects it. When she hits the CSI zoom button on her microscope, she see’s black shit moving around. It’s Alien Covenant goo. It may also be Ardus from Star Trek The Next Generation. He’s the cheap ass oil monster that killed Tasha Yar off so she could go star in F movies and show her 4 inch thick bush off in nude photos.

A scene happens where a bunch of military people come in and one of them says, “Get this shit off of my base.” And another says “The United States owns your base.” because I guess the first guy, who spoke in English with no accent and had a lapel pin sized foreign flag on his arm, was a foreign general. Did you hear that, Trump supporters? He was a dirty foreigner. Falcone goes “You can call the secretary of defense on my iPhone” and he slides it across the table. But General Foreign walks out and goes “HUFF.” It’s probably good that he did because the iPhone had been artificially slowed down by Tim Cook so new phones with minimal improvements could be released each year, artificially increasing demand through a process called planned obsolescence.

The guy has to go through some operations if he wants to keep evolving. One of them is to get cat eyes, lol. You think I’m kidding? Another is to instantly change his outer appearance entirely from human to Prometheus creature. He has hand sex with his neighbor. His wife is aghast.

The movie goes off the rails, as they say, at the end. The aghast woman finally acts by impossibly switching memory-erasing medicine with saline in an easy-to-understand briefcase. This was so her husband could murder half of the soldiers guarding him to escape. He runs to his wife, Falcone catches up, all the soldiers surround him, and then…the foreign general (he’s a colonel, we finally hear) turns on Falcone. Wait.

Didn’t this thing just murder half of your troops?

All the soldiers turn their guns on Falcone at the same time, hahaha. This is feeling like a Family Channel Movie. At the end, the family is on a base where they are looking up at the sky. We think it might be earth but it is another planet, apparently. This doesn’t make any sense because they’re alive. They see a larger planet in the sky, fully lit up, while they’re at night. It wouldn’t work that way. Either the large planet would function like a moon, making it daylight, or it would just be a huge black spot in the sky with no stars.

Then, we see the main character. I thought they gave him a 9 inch penis at first but I think that was his hand. It was really dark, though, but I believe that’s because the producers didn’t want anyone to see this movie. He then takes off and he can fly. His body is shaped like a glider so there’s no way he would be able to create an upward draft. All he could do is glide. But nah he can fly. The movie ends with him flying into the camera, haha.

2/10 and a waste of my time.

In Your House: Canadian Stampede was a classic event

It’s been a while but we are back to finish all of our In Your House review fun. Now, maybe the best one ever: Canadian Stampede.

The open signature is the one I love. “In over 100 countries – in seven different languages…” We begin with everyone wearing ridiculous cowboy hats. There’s no video incorporated into the In Your House set.

Mankind and HHH are continuing their feud, first. Here, we will see a pretty standard and entertaining match that involves Chyna interfering anytime Mankind gets the upper hand. It ends with the two going into the crowd and fighting to a no contest. They’ll continue the feud with a cage match classic at Summerslam.

Someone took a camcorder to record the Calgary Stampede. Bret walks out on a shitty rodeo track and says hi to all the Canadians. His round black glasses are his heel glasses. He wasn’t giving away his mirror wraps anymore.

So Taka Michinoku comes out next and looks absolutely BORED. It’s funny because we all were too when he entered. He will fight the Great Sasuke, who was the promoter that allowed Taka to come to the US. In the middle of this match, these two get crazy. Sasuke does a karate kick off the top rope onto the floor! It’s crazy. Later, Vince calls Taka a “samurai warrior.” The match is great – except for the finish. Sasuke hits a horrid double underhook suplex and Taka doesn’t make any bump noise. The ref quietly counts to three. Vince is acting happy.

So, the WWE title is up next – already. It’s Undertaker vs Vader. Yeah – a main event none of us wanted to see. It was supposed to be Taker vs Ahmed Johnson, who had turned heel after he attacked Taker at King of the Ring. But, you see, Ahmed was an idiot. Still is. So, he injured himself in a segment with DOA when he got too rough. I guess he didn’t know wrestling was fake. So, Vader has to substitute, last minute. But the truth is, that’s probably the saving grace of what would have been a disaster. Paul Bearer cowers behind the ring apron. JR says “Pretty hard to hide when you’re 400 pounds.” King says, “You oughtta know.”

The angle they’re furthering is that Bearer is saying Kane is coming. And he’s calling Taker a “murderer.” Repeatedly. This is significant because it was one of the only times ever, even in the attitude era, that death or murder was mentioned by name. The match is a clusterfuck. It’s decided that it’s a good idea to let massively obese Vader reverse a Tombstone. He just falls on his ass. Taker then chokeslams Vader off of the top rope, but only after they both count to three and Vader builds up a good bouncy rhythm. Undertaker manages a Tombstone, somehow, on big boy. He pins him and wins. They act like no one has ever kicked out of two chokeslams. I’m guessing they had to promise Vader they would make him look strong.

The main event is up next. First, Stu and Helen and the priemer are honored. Stu and Helen get a great ovation. Stone Cold comes out mouthing off to all the Canadians. But man, the Hart Foundation gets the biggest ovation I’ve ever seen. Bret’s is thunderous. With headphones on, it really is probably the loudest ever. On commentary, JR mentions the cameras ringside filming a documentary on Bret Hart’s life. Wrestling With Shadows was the documentary and if not for Montreal, might have been a production few cared about. But, it just so happened to capture and document the events of Bret Hart’s final year in WWF. It’s great. Of course, WWE hates it because Vince is caught lying in it and HHH is caught lying in it to Bret’s wife.

Austin and Bret really kick off the match in what is basically the conclusion to their legendary feud. I love how that Austin does the Million Dollar Dream, like he did at Survivor Series 96, but this time when Bret counters, Austin escapes. The match goes into some really good back and forth stuff between all the people involved. Bruce Hart tries his damndest to get involved. No one has ever sought as much spotlight as Hamil hair Bruce Hart. Looks like John Denver’s hair bleached.

A cool moment exists where Neidhart tags Bret and they do a double team move – sort of a Demolition style finisher. It was acknowledged on commentary by Vince as being shades of the original Hart Foundation. I wish they had done a Hart Attack. Bret and Shamrock go at it and Shamrock grabs Bret’s leg on the ground. They do this spot twice and the second time Bret begs off, I think Shamrock believed him because he just lets him get up. But Ken may have believed Bret was begging off for real since Bret had knee surgery right before then.

This match has the fans so involved. Almost constantly. Bulldog goes for a superplex on Goldust and he lands kind of sideways on his back – instantly grabbing it. I bet that hurt. Austin comes back out after earlier injuries. He and Bret go head to head again. Then Owen comes out and saves Bret from Austin.

Once Austin goes outside, Bruce throws a soda on him again (I think he fucked up and did it twice. I think he wasn’t supposed to do it earlier in the match). Then, to Lawler’s delight, Austin grabs Stu. Hell breaks loose as about 32 men who all look identical to Stu Hart (his kids) all swarm. Bruce jumps over the rail and FALLS. Then, he actually gets a small chant.

In the mayhem, Owen rolls up Austin and, grabbing his asshole, pins him. In an iconic moment, Austin comes back, attacks the entire foundation, and gets handcuffed. He flips them off from behind his back as he’s led out.

“Look at this, McMahon. Stu and Helen are responsible for all of this.” – Jerry “The King” Lawler

Papa John is a piece of human garbage

Unfortunately, the worst thing possible in the universe to come out of the mouth of a business owner that named the business after himself happened this Summer to Papa John’s.

He said the N-word on a conference call with executives of his company and a marketing agency.

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Villain

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