If you look back at the first episode of Raw, it is a different time for sure. However, it also has enough fuck ups in it to be hard to watch without a groan factory in your living room.
The very first episode of Monday Night Raw opens with Sean Mooney outside of the Manhattan Center. Bobby Heenan runs up and is like hey who are you I need to get in. Mooney is like no. Rob Bartlett replaced you.
Decided to review Bad Blood 2003, because why not? The theme for the event was the worst song ever. Headstrong by Trapt. I knew a dude that played that around girls. Idiot. This was also at a time when Stone Cold and Eric Bischoff were co-GMs, so we see their picture randomly during the open.
The Dudley Boys open. DVon has a Gatorade style shirt on. DVon has been wondering why his white brother has been telling him to get the tables…they face Rodney Mack and Christoper Nowinski. Mack is managed by Teddy Long, who will use his theme song forever, despite Mack’s short tenure. The crowd is actually into this and chants Harvard sucks at Nowinski. I am drooling randomly. Why does Bubba grab his dick when hitting people? DVon gets hung up on the tables shit and Nowinski pins Bubba with a cheap shot!!
So we will have a redneck triathlon between Bischoff and Austin. They must do a pie eating contest. It is, however, a pussy eating contest according to Stone Cold. First tho, a burping contest. They’re just doing sound effect burps and it’s dumber than fuck. Terri Hard Nips Runnels holds the microphone. This ends up being just stupid if not gross. Burps are just mouth farts and I don’t want to hear or breathe air from your guts.
Raw is live from Phoenix, Arizona. Sold out, too. On a Tuesday. Ken Shamrock comes out in his street clothes. Shamrock delivers a shit interview but The Great One comes out. Before his music hits actually, still the Nation theme. The Rock delivers pure gold on the mic. Rock is over so much as a heel, at this point, that he probably had more heat than HBK. Shamrock has 2 minutes to beat DLo and just as he is about to, Rock slams him with two chair shots. The second one was brutal to Shamrocks skull, directly, head on.
We open with Rock and Farooq against Steve Blackman and Ken Shamrock. JR mentions how big of the future The Rock is. Maybe he knew. Kevin Kelly foolishly says “He’s in the same boat as Shamrock and Farooq and Dlo.” Shut up idiot. Match ends in a schmoz and Shamrock beats up Rock as Farooq holds back the Nation.
Raw is back with actual wrestlers we want to see! Austin, HBK and Tyson. I hate the effect where they cut back and forth between DX walking out and their titantron. Makes me sick. WWF has a hand drawn logo at the entrance. HBK calls out Iron Mike Tyson. The glass breaks. Rattlesnake is out. Then Kane comes out and says he will kill Stone Cold tonight. Austin says JR makes him sick!! Me too. He says he will kill Kane back. Tyson arrives.
Decided to review an episode of Raw, randomly. We open with Mike Tyson, rapist, beating the arm of Shane McMahon up. Then the next night we see Austin and TYSON get into it…because Austin didn’t like Mike Tyson being into his ring. He flips him off and Tyson shoves him so goddamn hard, Austin looked legit hurt. Why didn’t they do Tyson vs Austin? Literally, Tyson probably could have out worked injured HBK. We are promised…Don King on Raw.!?.