Tag Archives: resident evil

I can’t see anything in Resident Evil 2 Remake

I love the new Resident Evil 2 game, which everyone keeps calling Resident Evil 2 Remake. Just call it what it is, RE2. No one is playing the old polygon game ever again. Anyway, the game is pretty fun so of course, everyone on the internet has lost all standards and are letting Capcom by with bullshit again. But I’m not. I’m not tolerating this shit. We’re going through everything wrong about it right now.

The game is WAY too dark. What’s up with this? We have all thought it at times…why is this so dark? Am I going to be able to turn on the lights at some point? No. You aren’t. The entire police station is so fucking dark, you can’t see what is going on around you if you have an LED screen or LCD screen, probably. I’ve spent at least an hour or two adjusting my brightness settings. They come default on the worst setting possible. I really wish Capcom would update this and fix this so I could enjoy the game without scheduling laser eye repair surgery.

The game is short. The game is so short, in fact, they’ve already released several free updates which are the developer’s way of saying “we didn’t do enough.” Now, purists will contend that this game actually is as long as the original RE2. Here’s where there’s a big difference. That game had tank controls. This game has over the shoulder action movie controls and you’re moving much, much faster. You’d run into the same problem with RE1. That’s why part of me was a little let down by the remake being in over the shoulder mode, although I do love it and don’t want to suggest I don’t. Wouldn’t it be neat to have a fixed camera angle mode, though? Props to Capcom for doing what they could to add more replayability with medals and records and stuff. Some idiot with a loud truck is driving down my road at 2 AM. You know they’re an idiot because they’ve modified their vehicle to make more noise and not less. Like imagine a predator in the wild just shouting like a fool as it ran up to gazelle trying to eat them. HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY. Yeah, he’d starve to death. But in The South, these people are lauded as good kids when they wreck and die at 20 from drinking and driving (unless they’re not white).

So far, all the bonus modes suck. They’re HARD time trials. Also, The Fourth Survivor has a lot of bullshit bugs like Mr. X apparently bypassing the blocks in the main hallway to meet you up the stairs if you get ahead of him too far. Don’t do too well! I hate Capcum. Remember Mercenaries, Capdum? Just give us something new! You gave us an OVER THE SHOULDER SHOOTER. THINK.

And while we’re at it, can we please have an ability to put on body armor used by the SWAT zombies that blocks damage to parts of their bodies? That’s so cool.

The timing on when you get up from being attacked is off. It’s totally off. Not only that, but the camera is shaken VIOLENTLY enough to disorient the player. Then, as soon as you are able to get up, you have another zombie already mid-lunge at you. No chance or choice to use your menu. Also, pause disabled. Kind of frustrating, this is.

Claire is UGLY. What were they thinking?

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Which one of these is prettier? Let me give you a hint: the one Capcom didn’t make.

The image on the right was redone by a fan to make Claire look prettier. The one on the left is legitimately the ugliest character I’ve ever seen as a protaganist in a videogame. I won’t be surprised if I get SJW shit for saying this, but that’s an ugly ass woman. Claire Redfield was always HOT in the games and stuff. They made her lips too big/no shape, gave her a recessed jaw, a jagged nose, google eyes, balding eyebrows, and the smile…

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I’ve seen crackheads at the gas station who look like this.
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Actual Claire from the original game cut scene. Looks far better than inbred Claire. 
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WILBURRR

Claire’s storyline is also weird and makes no sense. She’s riding a motorcycle in a storm, which would suck. She’s talking to someone, which we never find out who. Apparently, she had a headset on for her cell phone. In 1998. She arrives at a gas station and I don’t want to talk about this part anymore.

Let’s see, what else is there to complain about. They had the audacity to charge $2.99 extra for the original soundtrack while this game is void of content. They’re already selling DLC from day one, too. It’s just new skins for the characters but that justified them selling a deluxe edition, you know.

Weapons don’t cause the correct momentum shift in zombies all of the time. It does a lot of the time but you’ll blast a HOLE into a zombie and he will continue his slow stumble forward without flinching, at times. This makes no sense. The blast of a shotgun will bruise your arm and I guarantee it does a lot more on the other end, especially if it’s tearing a hole through a rotting corpse. I just feel like the player gets shafted here. The average zombie is way faster than you’re used to and can turn on a dime. He will do a 180 worse than my grandma when she’d drive in the rain. Old thing couldn’t drive.

They’ve removed the option to leave stuff behind for yourself in the second playthrough, I noticed. There’s almost no references to the second playthrough in the first except for running into the other character a little. Do you know what would have been INSANE? Giving two human players the option to play as Claire and Leon both at the same time while doing alternate playthroughs and leaving stuff behind for the other. A lot of the stuff is just lazy copy and paste stuff that doesn’t make any sense, though. How would combinations on statues and codes on computers be changed seconds apart from the other protagonist’s experience? I was disappointed to learn I had to collect the damn medals again for Claire, even though Leon already did that. I played as a man first because men would have a better chance to survive due to being stronger. Sorry ladies, but pageant skills, make-up artists, and going to the mall wouldn’t be valuable hobbies in the zombie apocalypse. However, hunting, shooting guns, being a weightlifter, doing martial arts, these would be incredibly useful hobbies to have. You’d have probably 40% of women who would lose all function compared to maybe 10-20% of men. And you know what another useless pass-time would be, ladies? COMPLAINING ON THE INTERNET.

The game is magnificent, of course. I’m telling you the stuff I don’t like because I want it all fixed. Maybe I’ll get my way. Maybe I won’t but I definitely recommend you play this game if you haven’t.

As a bonus, I want to tell you about one of my favorite aspects of this game.

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Think about it. A police chief who was paid off by a corporation in a tiny town. Very EASY to see as a possible scenario in real life. But this chief was a real monster, apparently drugging and raping women, murdering people, just being an all around jerk. Leon is a rookie and still wants to believe he’s a good guy when he hears about it from the journalist that gets his head popped.

This is gold! In fact, this is worth exploring more. I hope we get some DLC based on this piece of shit and maybe his rise. Wouldn’t it be cool to experience the fall from his perspective? Sending STARS to the mansion and coordinating with Wesker or whatever.


So, check out Resident Evil 2 but adjust the brightness.

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In Your House 9: International Incident was a lot of fun

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In Your House International Incident ended up being a very fun event, thanks to some future stars on the card as well as comedic moments from the King. The event is from Vancouver, BC. We begin with the Free For All. JR, King and the chairman, Vince are all in commentary. The fireworks go off for our free audience, as the instrumental version of Slam Jam plays.

Savio Vega will open up the event with a match against Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw. Of course that’s today’s JBL. He knocked out Savio a few weeks ago on Raw with a cowbell. Savio needed more of it. Guess who comes out managing Bradshaw? Uncle Zebekiah aka Zeb Coulter. Bradshaw is very physical. He wins with a foot on the rope that would have helped him none. Bradshaw hits his lariat but it’s way milder than his future version. Savio gets “branded” by Zeb, but it’s not hot. Just has shoe polish on it or something.

We get an Undertaker music video and because Goldust and Taker will wrassle tonight. Goldust joins the commentary team to do a movie-script-promo. I liked those.

Also, we review that the Ultimate Warrior was replaced by Sycho Sid, who drives a Lincoln into a dumpster. When he gets out of his car, his music plays. Did he have WWF Metal in his CD player?

Continue reading In Your House 9: International Incident was a lot of fun

Resident Evil 4 – Masterpiece in gaming.

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The greatest Gamecube game released was Resident Evil 4. It was also one of the greatest games ever released and was the best Resident Evil game, by a fucking mile.

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Resident Evil Revelations was terrible

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A lot of people are getting excited about the upcoming Resident Evil Revelations 2 title but I have no clue why. The first game blew. It was almost (not quite) as bad as Resident Evil Operation Raccoon Shitty.

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Resident Evil HD Remaster – Still Scares the Shit Out of Me

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I am pissed off that some ugly hairball on Gamespot.com gave the new Resident Evil remaster a low review. When I say I am pissed off, I am not exaggerating. I really am. Something is wrong with me. But the review was total bullshit. 7.5 does not do this game justice.

This game is a survival-horror game, at it’s absolute best, and is a 9/10 game. I’ll explain why.

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Playstation is 20! Here are my 10 favorite PSOne games.

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Playstation just turned 20 and that means two decades of some of the best gaming experiences of my life and probably yours. I decided to write down ten games that came to mind when I thought of the system. All ten were pretty good but a few are better than others. Let me know what your top PS1 games were.

Continue reading Playstation is 20! Here are my 10 favorite PSOne games.

I (surprisingly) like Evil Within

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Evil Within is pretty awesome. I won’t exaggerate and act like it isn’t. But like anything, I’m pissed at it for a lot of reasons and here they are.

(I won’t include any spoilers in the main review, but below, I will include a few notes on the story and spoilers for it are marked clearly.)

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