I decided a while back that I should review events I was actually at. This is the beginning of that series. The most prominent event I attended was a little thing you may have heard of. I don’t know. May have heard of it…
I not only was there, but I was front row. $8,200 for two tickets. Seated next to Los Lonely Boys (guests of Stone Cold). I’ll add this unique perspective throughout the event.
Out of the gate, the theme song is very early 2000 – screaming, murder vocals. The show opens with Harlem Boys Choir singing Flag America 9/11 Patriotism or some song. We were all into it back then and of course, we visited Ground Zero. It was boring. At the end of the boring kids’ song, we see a different Freedom Tower. By the way, if you want to see me, there’s a big red head guy front row and I’m the guy next to him. We were huge.
The second episode of Raw was January 18, 1993 and was the lead-in to the Royal Rumble. Makes sense that they’ll BARELY mention it! The siren is going off. It’s Vince, a microphone-less Rob Bartlett and Macho Man Savage, who gets NAILED by Repo Man just as he is about to talk. It is chaos from the get-go! Then our sick ass open hits.
Terrific Terry Taylor comes out next. He has trouble getting passed the model (not Rick Martel). He will face MISTER….PERFECT. (Howard Finkel impression). Bartlett no sells the seriousness of Savage’s attack, asking him if he saw his car. (#10). A We Want Flair chant. Heenan calls in to tell “Ron Bartlett” off. A “This match sucks”chant!!! “Uh oh!” Bartlett says! (#11). Flair comes out to the crowd’s delight. Vince calls the Perfectplex “The Superplex!”
Decided to review Bad Blood 2003, because why not? The theme for the event was the worst song ever. Headstrong by Trapt. I knew a dude that played that around girls. Idiot. This was also at a time when Stone Cold and Eric Bischoff were co-GMs, so we see their picture randomly during the open.
The Dudley Boys open. DVon has a Gatorade style shirt on. DVon has been wondering why his white brother has been telling him to get the tables…they face Rodney Mack and Christoper Nowinski. Mack is managed by Teddy Long, who will use his theme song forever, despite Mack’s short tenure. The crowd is actually into this and chants Harvard sucks at Nowinski. I am drooling randomly. Why does Bubba grab his dick when hitting people? DVon gets hung up on the tables shit and Nowinski pins Bubba with a cheap shot!!
So we will have a redneck triathlon between Bischoff and Austin. They must do a pie eating contest. It is, however, a pussy eating contest according to Stone Cold. First tho, a burping contest. They’re just doing sound effect burps and it’s dumber than fuck. Terri Hard Nips Runnels holds the microphone. This ends up being just stupid if not gross. Burps are just mouth farts and I don’t want to hear or breathe air from your guts.
November 20th, 1993. Pensacola, Florida. Monotonic Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura are ready to call a night of senseless antics and questionable action. This event barely even made sense, with the goal being to team up with some of your worst enemies and win in order to advance to a battle royal. If you win THAT, out of 16 competitors, then you…get a ring. A ring on your hand, not even a wrestling ring. I don’t know what kind of ratings this event did, but I’m afraid to look because if the number is over 8 buys, I’ll be depressed that I’m human again for a month.