Tag Archives: Star Trek

Prequels do not work for Star Trek so stop making them.

Making a television series based on the Star Trek intellectual property is like having a license to print money. Basically all you have to do is not fuck up and not be stupid. Somehow the last two Star Trek series have been completely fucked up from the concept stage forward.

The reason is that prequels do not work for Star Trek. Unlike Star Wars, which is fantasy based, Star Trek is based around science advancing, society advancing, morality advancing, and in general, just advancing. Star Trek is about going forward and getting better.

You can’t do that if you going back 100 years and deliberately avoiding the lessons learned in earlier shows. Or, worse, by having learned said lessons and screwing up canon by having people in the future be backwards. (Kirk lusting over people, Janeway committing genocide).

Also, shows in the past do not have world ending stakes. We already know the future is going to be okay because, in STD’s case, we know about the shows which will all happen in the timeline. There’s going to be an Enterprise E and even J. Shits gonna be fine.

I mentioned the advancement of science on the show mattering. It’s not as much the case but it definitely does matter. We’ve built canon around remodulating phasers. No one wanted to see fucking PHASE CANNONS. They’re weak. But also, we learned how the Federation slowly developed new weapons and we had a general sense of power of items. New shows in the past totally throw that out the window. It’s like value being thrown away.

What about societal advancements? Making peace with the Klingons and learning to have coexistence with long time enemies? Prequels throw that out the door and we get to see the enemies. Again. And in STD’s case, they look like hell.

Another issue is real life tech advancing. Prequels should look old school but they never do. People actually ignorantly claimed Enterprise had a bridge that looked old school. It looked like a bridge made in 2002. It looked 40 years ahead of Kirk’s bridge of pastels colored children’s blocks. We all just accepted that until you made prequel. Knowing you can’t have the Match Game looking bridge, you made it have 4×3 flatscreens.

Discovery has similar issues. They had holograms so advanced, they had to write a line about removing them because Pike, who is destined to be in a horrible looking wheel chair, doesn’t like them. This was dumb. What would be someone’s problem with light?

I have a problem with light when it is lens flare

“Get that telephone out of here. I don’t want to receive messages through anything but phonograph!” Logic of STD writers.

The dipshits figured this out on this show and sent the ship into the future. It’s their only hope of saving the show (there’s no hope. This is just me needing to use a line here and it sounding good. I’d rather read a book than watch this shit). Now, they can finally write with true stakes, explore moral dilemmas that haven’t and have been fleshed out already, and fuck up a new era. Yum yum.


We need to be honest. Beverly Crusher was a terrible doctor

If I was facing a life-threatening condition, I would want Dr. McCoy, or the EMH, or even Bashir. Even Hugh Culber or Dr. Pollard from STD would be preferable.

But not Dr. Beverly Crusher.

She’s the most inept person in virtually every single setting. Her patients die all the time. More dead bodies come out of her office than a hospice house. Damn, that felt pretty cold. But not as cold as the bodies in Dr. Crusher’s care.

I’m going to discuss some of the examples.

In “Remember Me,” she went hysterical as members of the crew vanished. I can already here some stupid person saying “What would you have done if everyone disappeared?” I would have been happy. But I would have been calm because I don’t panic. I’m brilliant. After she went nuts, she finally calmed down and figured out how to survive but like barely.

In “Skin of Evil,” she didn’t even try to save Tasha Yar. Tasha just got flung across the set with a special effect zap and wasn’t even bleeding but Crusher just says “She’s dead.” Dude, really? Because in 2019 they yell “Code Blue” on the loudspeaker and at least TRY to save them with technology.

In “Sarek,” she slaps Wesley in the face. That’s…that’s a crime. All medical evidence is suggesting an end to spanking (think about it. Teaching kids to hit people doing things they don’t like. Duh). By 2300, that’s an assault. Worf should have arrested her.

In Star Trek First Contact, she uses the EMH to create a diversion and as Red Letter Media pointed out, took the exact time needed to escape to explain to it what she needed. Worthless.

In this video compilation, she’s shown to be totally incompetent with a basic medical device that appears to work on the same principals as a laser pointer.

She’s also irrationally argumentative. In “True Q,” she shouted in the face of God (Q is god in Star Trek, I’ll explain more another time). He turned her into a dog. He don’t give a shit.

In “Genesis,” her incompetence is once again on display. She detects that Worf has some type of ACIDIC COMPOUND in his throat and tells him to open his mouth while she puts her eyes right into it. She gets Reptiled.

In “Ethics,” she doesn’t have the ability to repair Worf’s paralysis. It’s 2300. She can’t grow him a new spinal cord through cloning and implant it? She’s lazy. She doesn’t even bother trying. She tells him he’s never going to walk again. Watch this unaltered scene.

In “All Good Things,” she’s somehow been given command of a ship. She blows it up within five minutes.

In “The Host,” she fell in love and wanted to get married after 8 days. She wanted to quit her lifelong career over it. Idiot.

In “Generations,” Data shoves her into the ocean because she sucks.

She’s known as the “Dancing Doctor” according to the episode where she taught Data how to dance.

She let a Romulan die in one episode and almost caused an interstellar incident with the Romulans.

She also had sex with a ghost.

She’s incompetent. I’ll be adding more to this as time goes on but the bottom line is, she’s deadly.

Why are the dog’s ears cropped in Star Trek Picard

Are the show-runners really this stupid? Did no one tell them that this dog had been mutilated before they stuck it into the Star Trek Universe?


I’m talking about the new poster for Star Trek Picard which has fanboy’s excited but no one else interested. It gave me a headache and I really thought there was a planet in the background. Then I realized it was the return of lens flare.


So I realize Sir Patrick Stewart may like shit-bulls (I don’t) but all jokes aside, that is the dog AFTER its ears have been through the process called “cropping.”

Image result for pit bull crop
Deadly fuckers

See, pit bulls are actually born looking quite like you would expect. Then humans go and start screwing with them. It’s very painful for the dog.


But since the people who are in charge of this think SONAR WORKS IN SPACE, I’m guessing no one told them that pitbulls weren’t born with their ears mauled off by another species. I even had some idiot say online that he thought the dog might have been cloned. Yeah, you don’t clone scars, fool.

Another issue I have with the poster and basically, everything about the teasers of the show so far: it keeps hearkening back to the Chateau Picard vineyard. That was shown in a number of episodes of the TNG series as his future in retirement. It seems like they just keep going back to the familiar stuff instead of showing us how they’re going to deliver on great ideas and good writing. You know. The shit that has been totally absent from Star Trek Discovery.

I’m concerned. Star Trek Picard doesn’t just run the risk of sucking. It runs the risk of spoiling a lot more than that. It could completely suck the life out of The Next Generation by milking each small moment and episode of all its originality, making even a journey down memory lane cringe inducing for the PTSD-like memories it might evoke of the newer Kurtzman series.

I’m still suffering from Season 1 of Discovery, folks. Season 2 didn’t leave me traumatized – it just blew – but season one actually affected me. The animal torture, the absolute absence of a logical main character, the constant fighting and war and screaming and death…it was all just too much. The show writers had no idea what they were doing. They wrote big and big and bigger and BIGGER. They didn’t have an idea as to why you don’t need to try to shove so much down the audiences’ throats. Sure. It’s fun when you do it for a movie like Avengers: Endgame. Those movies took ten years to build up to, though. The payoff is that the movie franchise ended so well (at least, that phase), that it makes the earlier movies MUCH MORE VALUABLE. Tell me at least once you haven’t said to yourself that you want to go back and watch at least one of the old Iron-man movies. Maybe all of them. I have. That’s because better productions enhance previous productions in the same universe.

So I bring you back to my most concerning question: Is Star Trek Picard going to screw up Star Trek The Next Generation?

I realize many of you will point out that even though Generations sucked, it didn’t hurt TNG. That’s an arguable point, since we don’t know how far the franchise might have gone into the atmosphere if not for that fucking turd. But remember how bad things went with Nemesis? That was so bad, it resulted in the near death of Star Trek overall. Enterprise was canceled. And it was all because a bunch of swarmy smart-asses wanted to kill Data, make his replacement retarded, and make Picard look old and sad and tired and wornout.

And folks. That shit was when I was graduating high school. It’s 20 years later. He don’t look any younger. He needs to be lifted up by good writing, engaging stories, and the Picard that we remember from the television series: an ethical man of principal and service. Don’t make him into the war machine from the movies – even though that’s probably what’s coming.

And something tells me they’ll end up killing off more TNG characters or maybe even Picard himself before its done.

Oh my god. I just thought of something. William Shatner is still alive. Yep. They’re going to end up doing Captain Kirk again, too. Just watch. 😦

Wow, I completely hate Star Trek Discovery

I hate everything about Star Trek Discovery except for the cast and I actually think they’re solid. I’ve watched the entire first two seasons and I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch them again, it was so miserable. It was like fan fiction but not good fan fiction. There were a billion problems from the start until Season 2’s conclusion. That’s what I’ll cover here until I get bored.

Let’s begin with a basic list about what sucks about the show. Then, a summary of the dick ass episodes they produced. Alex Kurtzman is a dipshit.

  • It is another prequel. They can’t stop doing these. They suck. It’s an excuse for lazy shitheads to not have to research all the Trek lore.
  • The episode names show you the issue, which is that the show isn’t about anything. It’s about a really stupid woman who makes bad decisions (isn’t it?)
  • It’s on CBS All Access, which no one wants. They won’t even release the numbers because it has flopped so bad. Most people would rather figure out how to install a hacked app and just watch for free.
  • It looks like shit. It’s worse than the JJ Abrams movies, which I never liked.
  • I couldn’t get through most episodes without opening my phone and playing games, texting people, and getting mad.
  • The Klingons are stupid looking and not at all canon. They’re Orcs from LotR
  • The Discovery is an ugly ship. It’s terribly designed. It makes no sense. It spins everywhere which I can’t imagine a fake purpose for.
  • Star Trek is supposed to be based in some level of POSSIBLE reality. This show is more fantasy than sci fi.

Season 1 – Disappointed expectations and a sour taste of what’s to come

  1. The Vulcan Hello: The show begins with the Captain and main character, Michael Burnham, violating the Prime Directive. They get beamed up to a ship that is not the Discovery. It’s the Shenzou. And it’s confusing as fuck because within minutes, that ship is in a war that Burnham starts for no reason. This shit is so awful, they wrote lines in Season 2 by Spock that make fun of this. Captain Georgou dies.
  2. The Battle at the Binary Stars: I forgot that this was a two hour pilot and everything I just described above takes place across two hours. Burnham goes to jail.
  3. Context is for Kings: I hate this episode title. At this point, the Discovery writers begin plagiarizing a stupid game on Steam about tardagrades and spore drives. Now, even tho STD is a prequel, they develop technology to instantly travel ANYWHERE. This ruins Trek lore (totally fucks Star Trek Voyager’s entire premise. Oh hi, that’s still more popular than this show) and must be awkwardly addressed in the Season 2 finale.
  4. The Butcher’s Knife Cares Not for the Lamb’s Cry (yeah, this whole thing is really a title):  Starfleet is at war still and Burnham is on Discovery now. It’s painful. They’re also going to start torturing the tardagrade until it screams and that’s supposed to be fun to watch.
  5. Choose Your Pain: Unfortunately, Lorca, who is so evil they have to write a mirror universe story arc at the end of the first half of season 1 to explain him, meets a totally dull fucking character: Ash Tyler. Also, Harry Mudd is in this, played by Rainn Wilson. Folks, a lot of people will tell you this is their favorite part. I’m here to tell you that this character sucks. It’s annoying, over-played, and supposed to be done like we know who this fucking guy is in Star Trek. I do, but his character was never played like this. They make him a super villain.
  6. Lethe: This episode sucks but I don’t even remember why.
  7. Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad: The dumbass fucking show makes a disco party happen in the middle of a war on Discovery and it’s just awful.
  8. Si Vis Pacem, para Bellum: Discovery has to learn how Klingons cloak for one hour.
  9. Into the Forest I Go: More shitty titles. Lorca uses Discovery to end the war with the Klingons. He ends up in the Mirror Universe (there’s only one lol).
  10. Despite Yourself: The first interesting episode of the entire show happens when they arrive in the Mirror Universe. In a normal Star Trek season, this would be one episode or MAYBE two. It’s the rest of the season.
  11. The Wolf inside: Stuff happens and Burnham is undercover.
  12. Vaulting Ambition: A title that does not describe the writers of this. Stamets is inside of the mycelial network, now. Also, the show is doing a thing where it kills off characters – and then brings them back. Death is meaningless in this show. Georgiou, Burnham, Culber, just about everyone dies and comes back some how. Even if it is the Mirror Version, they end up just using that character and making them good again (Georgiou).
  13. What’s Past is Prologue: Since they’ve decided to devote HALF OF A SEASON to the Mirror Universe arc, we must now slowly drudge through bad ideas for episodes. Lorca is going to take over from the Emperor who is Georgiou.
  14. The War Without, The War Within: They’ve not had one good episode title yet. All Corny cliches. This and episode 15…
  15. Will You Take My Hand?: The season finale episodes. Both were the end of the Klingon war. A show that created its own unneeded conflict expects us to feel satisfaction at its end. I feel like the show needed to end and was stunned by the realization this would not be the last episode. I guess bad investors don’t know when to pull out (also people who are trailer trash that have 50 kids). The possible reason we continued the misery: they fucking made the USS Enterprise RANDOMLY show up.

Season 2 – More stupid decisions while also fixing previous stupid decisions

At this point, the writers decide they’re going to mindfuck the audience. We’ve seen several characters killed off and brought back already. That’s going to be intensified in Season 2. I’ve seen people say OMG SEASON 2 FIXED EVERYTHING. No, it didn’t. Season 2 was a pile of steaming stinking brown runny shiitake mushroom puree. Actually, just shit. It improved in a handful of ways:

  • It realized Star Trek is supposed to be episodic, but it still fucked up by focusing on these elementary school concepts for season-long story arcs that took the focus from each episode (Red Angel. Time Crystals)
  • They make jokes about how if you put the word “time” in front of something, it sounds cooler. This was one of the rare moments I said “Hmm. That’s clever. I like it.” And THEN, they literally say they have to find a TIME CRYSTAL. They had no better name than that lazy shit. The earlier jokes about “time” weren’t involved here and never were acknowledged again.
  • We get another double agent, this time in the silicon cyborg lady on the bridge. Last season, it was Lorca. They kill off this character and give her a funeral for half an episode so I’m pretty sure we can count on her being dead but knowing this show’s writers, they’ll bring her back.
  • Deciding that the Mirror Universe and Klingon War wasn’t dark enough, the writers give us a Section 31 story arc. They’re the branch of Starfleet that will DO ANYTHING TO GET THE JOB DONE. Yeah except that’s all we saw the entire first season. And then…
  • They introduce “Control.” And they totally obsoleted the Borg by doing so. Because “Control” can assimilate you…except it can hide inside of you. It can make you a super human who can’t be killed. In every single imaginable way, Control is fucking superior to the BORG. The most lethal enemy in the history of the Federation.
  • The Red Angel comes back from the future and says Control is the biggest threat ever to existence and is going to wipe out all life. Now, let us think about what this means. This means that they’ve gone into the future and showed us what the worst possible enemy is. It kills everything. So…
  • They kill it. They save the future (from an extinction event we never heard about throughout the rest of Trek lore, which is set in the FUTURE OF THIS SHOW that the writers keep fucking forgetting about. Oh you are going to tell me that’s why we never heard about it, right? Okay, well if that’s the case, then tell me why a far more inferior enemy than Control – The Borg – lasts for ALL OF TNG, ALL OF VOYAGER, ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES, AND ARGUABLY, SEASON 3 OF THIS SHIT SHOW SINCE THEY’VE FUCKED UP ALL THEY CAN IN THE PAST?  Control obsoletes the Borg and if they end up saying Control becomes the Borg, it’s going to piss me off even more because why would the Borg go from superhuman agents that look identical to normal people to SLOW MOVING CYBER ZOMBIES?
  • Everything about this show makes me hateful. The reason is because it’s just an ill-thought out show made my sycophantic corporate ass kisses. It’s not about talent anymore. It’s about sycophancy. Whoever kisses enough ass gets their own chance to do something stupid with our childhood.

This show undercuts everything about Star Trek. A Season 3 means they’re going into the future to what, exist in the same time as Star Trek: Picard? (Another fuck up show BTW from what I’ve heard). When will it end? Season 3 is coming, so you better get ready for it. Get ready for more ugly writing. Forced SJW shit. Stupid plot arcs. Dumb, dumb ass episodes that feel like 15 minutes stretched into 40. And who knows. Maybe we will get to see them recast Data, or a young Jean Luc…or something else.

Because that Spock worked out great, right? (eyeroll)

Review: We’ll Always Have Paris (Star Trek The Next Generation)

Show begins with Picard kicking a crewman’s ass at fencing. Suddenly, time begins to loop. Jean Luc is so bad ass, he doesn’t panic at all. He calls the bridge and goes to work. I love him. Continue reading Review: We’ll Always Have Paris (Star Trek The Next Generation)

Star Trek Into Darkness was bad and you know it


Star Trek Into Darkness was horrible. This movie opens with Spock and Kirk violating the prime directive to save and indigenous species while worried about violating the prime directive by revealing themselves to the indigenous species.

Since the characters suck, Uhura kisses Spock and makes sure we know she loves him before he heads down to the planet. Continue reading Star Trek Into Darkness was bad and you know it

Star Trek Renegades blows unless you’re a Trekkie


Star Trek Renegades is a Kickstarter-funded movie that is set in the Star Trek Voyager universe (without concern to the new JJ Abrams movies). It’s about a bunch of stuff. It is basically like a fan-film that somehow managed to get a bunch of the cast members to take part in it. It is truly a mixed-bag and by that, I mean it’s shitty unless you’re a big Trekkie, then it is great.

Continue reading Star Trek Renegades blows unless you’re a Trekkie

Review: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan


Star Trek 2, the Wrath of Khan was fucking awesome. I love this movie. It isn’t perfect – but for Star Trek, this was it. The epitome. The apex. The climax. The cum shot. Let’s talk about why in the most foul fashion I can muster.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Review: Star Trek: Generations


Star Trek: Generations is absolute shit. It is the first Next Generation movie, the first sequel not to include the number in it (7) and just a train fucking wreck.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: Generations

Review: Star Trek V – The Final Frontier


I have the biggest craving for olives ever right now but I don’t have any. So I’ll review Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. This was the first Star Trek directed by William Shitner. See, Leonard Nimoy (Spock) actually had directed Star Trek 3 and Star Trek 4. 3 was OK but 4 was bad ass! So Shitner was like “Oh Pricelines I want to do one wah Rescue 911” and they let him.

Folks, this movie was shit.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek V – The Final Frontier

My Favorite 10 Star Trek Games!


Alright, time for a unique favorite 10 list. Star Trek games that I loved but that don’t necessarily fit in my favorite categories of a certain system! The idea that life exists elsewhere is cool because it is probably true – it is just too hard to grasp for morons. Some of these games capture that. Some let us wage full on war in outer space and others were unique in and of themselves.

Continue reading My Favorite 10 Star Trek Games!

Review: Star Trek: TNG – The Emissary

Star Trek The Next Generation
Star Trek The Next Generation

It’s implied that Worf has a larger penis than anyone in the room during a poker game. Pulaski calls him “handsome” as this gets the old thing wet. Picard calls them to their posts because this is a starship, not a cruise ship.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: TNG – The Emissary

Review: Star Trek: TNG – Pen Pals

Star Trek The Next Generation
Star Trek The Next Generation

Worf trips over Data’s shit that he’s playing with behind tactical, not happy. Wesley sucks at commanding  people. Data stalls forever on the holodeck before telling Captain Picard how he screwed up. Wesley interrupts Riker while he’s pussy-getting in Ten-Forward. Dr Pulaski calls Worf a coward, obviously won’t be on this show much longer.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: TNG – Pen Pals