Show begins with Picard kicking a crewman’s ass at fencing. Suddenly, time begins to loop. Jean Luc is so bad ass, he doesn’t panic at all. He calls the bridge and goes to work. I love him. Continue reading Review: We’ll Always Have Paris (Star Trek The Next Generation)
Star Trek Into Darkness was horrible. This movie opens with Spock and Kirk violating the prime directive to save and indigenous species while worried about violating the prime directive by revealing themselves to the indigenous species.
Since the characters suck, Uhura kisses Spock and makes sure we know she loves him before he heads down to the planet. Continue reading Star Trek Into Darkness was bad and you know it
Star Trek Renegades is a Kickstarter-funded movie that is set in the Star Trek Voyager universe (without concern to the new JJ Abrams movies). It’s about a bunch of stuff. It is basically like a fan-film that somehow managed to get a bunch of the cast members to take part in it. It is truly a mixed-bag and by that, I mean it’s shitty unless you’re a big Trekkie, then it is great.
Star Trek 2, the Wrath of Khan was fucking awesome. I love this movie. It isn’t perfect – but for Star Trek, this was it. The epitome. The apex. The climax. The cum shot. Let’s talk about why in the most foul fashion I can muster.
Star Trek: Generations is absolute shit. It is the first Next Generation movie, the first sequel not to include the number in it (7) and just a train fucking wreck.
I have the biggest craving for olives ever right now but I don’t have any. So I’ll review Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. This was the first Star Trek directed by William Shitner. See, Leonard Nimoy (Spock) actually had directed Star Trek 3 and Star Trek 4. 3 was OK but 4 was bad ass! So Shitner was like “Oh Pricelines I want to do one wah Rescue 911” and they let him.
Folks, this movie was shit.
Alright, time for a unique favorite 10 list. Star Trek games that I loved but that don’t necessarily fit in my favorite categories of a certain system! The idea that life exists elsewhere is cool because it is probably true – it is just too hard to grasp for morons. Some of these games capture that. Some let us wage full on war in outer space and others were unique in and of themselves.
It’s implied that Worf has a larger penis than anyone in the room during a poker game. Pulaski calls him “handsome” as this gets the old thing wet. Picard calls them to their posts because this is a starship, not a cruise ship.
Worf trips over Data’s shit that he’s playing with behind tactical, not happy. Wesley sucks at commanding people. Data stalls forever on the holodeck before telling Captain Picard how he screwed up. Wesley interrupts Riker while he’s pussy-getting in Ten-Forward. Dr Pulaski calls Worf a coward, obviously won’t be on this show much longer.