Tag Archives: Picard

Why are the dog’s ears cropped in Star Trek Picard

Are the show-runners really this stupid? Did no one tell them that this dog had been mutilated before they stuck it into the Star Trek Universe?

ITS FREAKING EARS HAVE BEEN HALF SLICED OFF.

I’m talking about the new poster for Star Trek Picard which has fanboy’s excited but no one else interested. It gave me a headache and I really thought there was a planet in the background. Then I realized it was the return of lens flare.

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So I realize Sir Patrick Stewart may like shit-bulls (I don’t) but all jokes aside, that is the dog AFTER its ears have been through the process called “cropping.”

Image result for pit bull crop
Deadly fuckers

See, pit bulls are actually born looking quite like you would expect. Then humans go and start screwing with them. It’s very painful for the dog.

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But since the people who are in charge of this think SONAR WORKS IN SPACE, I’m guessing no one told them that pitbulls weren’t born with their ears mauled off by another species. I even had some idiot say online that he thought the dog might have been cloned. Yeah, you don’t clone scars, fool.

Another issue I have with the poster and basically, everything about the teasers of the show so far: it keeps hearkening back to the Chateau Picard vineyard. That was shown in a number of episodes of the TNG series as his future in retirement. It seems like they just keep going back to the familiar stuff instead of showing us how they’re going to deliver on great ideas and good writing. You know. The shit that has been totally absent from Star Trek Discovery.

I’m concerned. Star Trek Picard doesn’t just run the risk of sucking. It runs the risk of spoiling a lot more than that. It could completely suck the life out of The Next Generation by milking each small moment and episode of all its originality, making even a journey down memory lane cringe inducing for the PTSD-like memories it might evoke of the newer Kurtzman series.

I’m still suffering from Season 1 of Discovery, folks. Season 2 didn’t leave me traumatized – it just blew – but season one actually affected me. The animal torture, the absolute absence of a logical main character, the constant fighting and war and screaming and death…it was all just too much. The show writers had no idea what they were doing. They wrote big and big and bigger and BIGGER. They didn’t have an idea as to why you don’t need to try to shove so much down the audiences’ throats. Sure. It’s fun when you do it for a movie like Avengers: Endgame. Those movies took ten years to build up to, though. The payoff is that the movie franchise ended so well (at least, that phase), that it makes the earlier movies MUCH MORE VALUABLE. Tell me at least once you haven’t said to yourself that you want to go back and watch at least one of the old Iron-man movies. Maybe all of them. I have. That’s because better productions enhance previous productions in the same universe.

So I bring you back to my most concerning question: Is Star Trek Picard going to screw up Star Trek The Next Generation?

I realize many of you will point out that even though Generations sucked, it didn’t hurt TNG. That’s an arguable point, since we don’t know how far the franchise might have gone into the atmosphere if not for that fucking turd. But remember how bad things went with Nemesis? That was so bad, it resulted in the near death of Star Trek overall. Enterprise was canceled. And it was all because a bunch of swarmy smart-asses wanted to kill Data, make his replacement retarded, and make Picard look old and sad and tired and wornout.

And folks. That shit was when I was graduating high school. It’s 20 years later. He don’t look any younger. He needs to be lifted up by good writing, engaging stories, and the Picard that we remember from the television series: an ethical man of principal and service. Don’t make him into the war machine from the movies – even though that’s probably what’s coming.

And something tells me they’ll end up killing off more TNG characters or maybe even Picard himself before its done.

Oh my god. I just thought of something. William Shatner is still alive. Yep. They’re going to end up doing Captain Kirk again, too. Just watch. 😦

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Review: Star Trek: Generations

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Star Trek: Generations is absolute shit. It is the first Next Generation movie, the first sequel not to include the number in it (7) and just a train fucking wreck.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: Generations

Review: Star Trek: TNG – Manhunt

Star Trek The Next Generation
Star Trek The Next Generation

Out of the gate, Picard is in a dress.  Some fish heads teleport in.  Picard and his so…I mean Wesley talk about them like they’re not there.

Picard calls Worf “Wolf” then leaves. “Wolf” admires the race’s looks.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: TNG – Manhunt

Review: Star Trek: TNG – Samaratin Snare

Star Trek The Next Generation
Star Trek The Next Generation

Pulaski and Picard (or the actors playing them) can’t stand each other, out of the gate.  Riker doesn’t want Picard taking a piss without shaking it for him.  Ensign Hot Chocolate Spill is back.

The cardboard-box shuttle is cleared for take off/looks nothing like it did in the shuttle bay when it launched.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: TNG – Samaratin Snare

Review: Star Trek: TNG – Q Who?

Star Trek The Next Generation
Star Trek The Next Generation

Ensign Gomez kills her career by throwing hot chocolate on the captain, who doesn’t even flinch, and then pressing it into the uniform, for no reason.

Guinan calls the bridge but Riker is rude. He must not have the same attraction as Ted Danson.  Geordi and Gomez are drinking future water.  Wesley flips out over Picard (his dad).

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: TNG – Q Who?

Review: Star Trek: TNG – Pen Pals

Star Trek The Next Generation
Star Trek The Next Generation

Worf trips over Data’s shit that he’s playing with behind tactical, not happy. Wesley sucks at commanding  people. Data stalls forever on the holodeck before telling Captain Picard how he screwed up. Wesley interrupts Riker while he’s pussy-getting in Ten-Forward. Dr Pulaski calls Worf a coward, obviously won’t be on this show much longer.

Continue reading Review: Star Trek: TNG – Pen Pals