FTL is harder than a blind lesbian’s nipples in a fish market but I love it


There is something to say about a video game that I have yet to beat, but somehow continue to play for countless hours. That’s FTL.

I first picked up this gem for the PC through Steam. I don’t really like playing PC games because it’s not 2001, but I quickly racked up over 100 hours of playtime on this game alone. Then, it came out for the iPad.

I contemplated the purchase for a while, knowing what it would mean. Finally, I went through with it one night and just left the app there, untouched for about a week. Preparing myself mentally. Then, I started. Again, I’m hooked.

The game puts you in a customizable ship and sends you on your way to a sector of space many light years away. You choose your path. Customize your crew. Once you unlock more ships, you even pick how you want to make the journey. The Zoltan ship is my personal favorite but I’m loving the crystal ship now that I finally got it, too!

Once you reach the end of the game, if you do, you will then die in one of three battles against the last boss. He is extremely difficult to beat. But if you get lucky and I mean, really lucky, then you will achieve a victory worthy of true celebration. The guy is wicked over powered, maybe too over powered, but that’s this game.

The graphics on the game are garbage. Don’t expect much and that’s ok. However, I’m not going to lie about it. It looks terrible.

The sound on the game is a different story. It has an epic soundtrack, fueled by Kickstarter people giving a ton of money and the developers choosing to funnel it into a ridiculous soundtrack, fitting of a big budget console game. I love it and have listened to it outside of the game, when I was driving through an Engi neighborhood.

Difficulty is extreme. That’s why I like it. But most morons can forget about it and go play something simple like Mario Kart.

Overall, it’s a great experience. I find it addictive but I enjoy Star Trek, Star Wars and thinking. Hope you do too.


As fate would have it, I beat the game for the first time shortly after publishing this article. 

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