In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings was weird


I’m mad and this shit is on so its getting reviewed.

Kid and Sid vs Razor and Marty up first. Lots of stupid shit. Sid is sweating about 6 gallons a second. Razor and Marty win.

The announcer fucks up and introduces Buddy Landell before he should. Vince makes mention of the flub. King jumps in the ring and brings out Jeff Jarrett. He has a “J L” on his back, designed to be two Js…but the person making it forgot about the letter L.

Dean Douglas comes out. Of course, he is injured and needs to bring out someone who was accidentally introduced. Buddy Landell comes out to Ric Flair’s 1992 WWF theme music. Ahmed Johnson comes out. “He used to hold his report card over his head to raise his grades.” King informs us. Ahmed’s armpit hair appears to naturally grow in a V. He wins a quick squash. Double J and King interview him. King tells him that when Ahmed lettered in high school, he had to get the coach to read it to him. Ahmed calls Jeff Jarrett an “Achy Breaky Heart wannabe” and then turns to the King. “You got one more time to EVER get in my face again. Talking about…you understand that?” Ahmed asks. No, we don’t understand that Ahmed. Then he is clobbered.

I loved every moment of that.

Time for a pig shit match. HHH and Henry Godwin do this. Lots of people get slopped. Hunter included. Vine doesn’t get the Foxworthy jokes. HHH wins. Then he gets tossed in the pig shit. He pretends he’s falling down like 5 times but then… Then the greatest thing happens..

Sorry about the focus. I have an Apple phone and they suck penis like their CEO. But HHH is nailed with the best soda throw.

Diesel destroys Owen Hart and is DQed. No quads were torn.

As Santa and Savio Vega are giving presents out. Million Dollar Man comes out and says he can buy anyone. King speculates that Savio can be bought with two tacos and a burrito. Savio says a bunch in a super heavy accent, including Santa Claw. “Claw?” King asks. “Hey Luthy, I’m home,” says King. Then Santa attacks Savio. King goes nuts when Savio punches him.

The Undertaker battles King Mabel. We see BSK painted on the casket, the group Taker and Mabel both were in.

First tho, buy Wrestlemania The Arcade Game! Doc tells us the SNES version is $64.99, the Genesis version is $54.99 and the PS version is $54.99. Then, we see something totally different.

Holy shit that's high! Also, Hayes is an idiot.
Holy shit that’s high! Also, Hayes is an idiot.

More expensive than games in 2015! And that game sucked. I’ll review it someday.

Undertaker comes out. They have a better match than I expected and Taker wins. Mabel took a big bump falling into that. I bet he smelled like anus.

Jim Cornette delivers a freaking perfect promo. Diana delivers a monotonous boring line.

Bulldog and Hitman are out. This was based on Bret never having defeated the Bulldog. Bulldog even wore the same rights he did in Wembley, 1992 Summerslam, when he beat Bret. We hear an ECW chant, mid match. Bret gets beaten and bloodied. Davey looks like he should have broken his neck from a corner bump where he lands on his head. Bret catches Davey in a roll up and wins.

In Your House Extra occurs and we learn Undertaker is the number one contender and we learn Diesel will interfere because he shows up angry just then. He and Taker stare at each other for about 20 minutes until they cut it to the compilation video

Hey, the show wasn’t half bad. Bret and Davey put on a good match with a real finish. The Diesel match was boring but at least had star power. HHH put on a good show in the pig shit match, too and Taker and Mabel gave a great effort. Not bad for back in the day.

One thought on “In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings was weird”

  1. What’s the best way to absolutely bury a character? Feed him to the Deadman. Taker put us all out of our misery, and himself for that matter, by finally ridding us of Mabel as a big PPV player in that casket match.

    Taker’s 1995, even though his win/loss record was exceptional, was a complete mess. His opponents were IRS, King Kong Bundy, Kama, and Mabel, among others. You were going to have Taker job to any of those guys? Except for maybe IRS, none of those guys had any credibility.

    Well, as we saw at the end of this PPV, things would look up for Taker.

    See ya Mabel, I know you don’t really leave immediately, but now I don’t have to pay attention to you… at least not until 1999, that is.

    And another thing, the tights Bulldog wore here aren’t actually the same ones he wore at Wembley Stadium.


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