I grew up loving Inspector Gadget. A lot is about to change about what I love.

Immediately, French Stewart is our Inspector. His car is voiced by D.L. Hughley, who has an easily identifiable black-mans voice. The movie gets policing correct as the hidden officer decides to pull an old lady over for going .3 miles per hour over the legal limit.

The gag is that none of gadget’s gadgets work right. In other words, he’s made by Apple.

Dr Claw escapes and a new Gadget is revealed. G2 – and our Inspector falls in love. Then, Gadget is reassigned and G2 gets the claw case.

While explaining the skills needed for a good detective, gadgets extra appendage gets a little excited and he gets his own personal mixture on the dog.

The girl and the intelligent beagle engage in their own antics fighting crime.

Gadget is raped in the bar, then he’s punched a while as a cuckoo bird appears in his forehead. Cuckoo birds have now coincidentally appeared in back-to-back reviews. Gadget fires a net, which totally misses one of the bad guys – but he falls down anyway.

More happens and we get a “she’s well equipped” joke by Inspector Gadget. Gadgets glitches prevent a helicopter hat scene that should be in any Inspector Gadget. Gadget then gets himself and G2 captured. This, and a jelly donut, get Gadget assigned to toilet duty.

Everyone overacts. I’m talking even the extras are even taking liberties. There’s a small dog (I don’t like it). It’s not neutered. Just about as appetizing as dog nuts visible on film is gadget eating McDonald’s, which is product placement at its best. The script writers apparently don’t visit McDonald’s, because Gadget then picks up a hot dog, not offered at their chains. A hearse speeds off, probably containing the script.

Gadget is fired. He makes Penny cry (sounds a lot like laughing though). The beagle licks her and then sneezes into their cocaine, sending it into the air. Gadget tries his hand at some new jobs. Hairdresser, chef, and that’s it. I don’t think they had a third, but I wrote that sentence in anticipation of one.

We’re seeing a fully revealed face on Dr. Claw too. That’s not how it was done on the cartoon and something this shitty movie needs to at least adhere to the original material!

Some ugly, unconvincing flash-bulbs go off. Dr Claw shows up with cartoon guns (kids don’t know the difference). He uses his magnet gun as G2 doesn’t shoot any of her weapons for like 30 seconds. Inspector Gadget is unusually inept. While performing as a car valet, he opens the door for Dr. Claw and his crew.

In a fiscally horrible choice, after spending billions creating an android identical to a human woman, the Mayor decides to deactivate G2! But Gadget brings her back online.

As I suspected, “Brain,” or the lack of one, is the deus ex machina. Gadget and G2 are alerted by the dog with the help of a translator, the implication being that a dog has cognitive thought normally, but just can’t express it. I wish we knew what they were thinking when scooping up at cat turd with their jaw.

Claw freezes the city. The African American car is finally awake, after sleeping through the entire movie (its Walt Disney). Gadget and G2 race to the city!

Claws henchmen drop the bank guy, who is still frozen but falls at regular speed, so he’s dead. Ahh, after Gadget and G2 swap chips, we see our helicopter hat. Even though Gadget still has 2 of his chips and G2 only has one, only she is susceptible to glitches. Makes no sense. Also, why not just put some of those new chips in him back at HQ?

G2 teases parents/annoyed critics watching this by saying its “almost wrapped up.” Although its implied this is a joke, I saw it as a message to parents that the pain was close to ending.

Penny is released and Gadget smashes into a stop sign, leaving his facial impression. Gadget takes his time talking to Penny while the clock ticks. They don’t escape and both are blown to bits.

But they’re OK, since they got away at the last second. Like that? It’s what the film did.

The truck driver is doing his best to imitate Jack Black. The effects are horrible at this point, with the truck being slung back and forth repeatedly. The “come out with your claw up” line for the second time. He blasts off but they find out the override code and indeed, crime does not pay.

The Mayor thanks Gadget and G2 for “shaving” the city. Gadget also thanks Penny, and like any Disney movie, everyone is smiling (the dog barks several times and Gadget compliments him with the label “special”).

Then Gadget and G2 kiss. Fireworks go off out of his head (and presumably, elsewhere). The car says “I just luuuv happy endin’s” and a firework explodes on the Chief and Mayor, who scream “Gadgeeeeeet!” as mercy occurs and the film ends.

Netflix viewers reviewed this movie, on average, as a one star movie. When the compilation of reviews averages out to the lowest possible choice, its bad.