Category Archives: Television

In Your House: Canadian Stampede was a classic event

It’s been a while but we are back to finish all of our In Your House review fun. Now, maybe the best one ever: Canadian Stampede.

The open signature is the one I love. “In over 100 countries – in seven different languages…” We begin with everyone wearing ridiculous cowboy hats. There’s no video incorporated into the In Your House set.

Mankind and HHH are continuing their feud, first. Here, we will see a pretty standard and entertaining match that involves Chyna interfering anytime Mankind gets the upper hand. It ends with the two going into the crowd and fighting to a no contest. They’ll continue the feud with a cage match classic at Summerslam.

Someone took a camcorder to record the Calgary Stampede. Bret walks out on a shitty rodeo track and says hi to all the Canadians. His round black glasses are his heel glasses. He wasn’t giving away his mirror wraps anymore.

So Taka Michinoku comes out next and looks absolutely BORED. It’s funny because we all were too when he entered. He will fight the Great Sasuke, who was the promoter that allowed Taka to come to the US. In the middle of this match, these two get crazy. Sasuke does a karate kick off the top rope onto the floor! It’s crazy. Later, Vince calls Taka a “samurai warrior.” The match is great – except for the finish. Sasuke hits a horrid double underhook suplex and Taka doesn’t make any bump noise. The ref quietly counts to three. Vince is acting happy.

So, the WWE title is up next – already. It’s Undertaker vs Vader. Yeah – a main event none of us wanted to see. It was supposed to be Taker vs Ahmed Johnson, who had turned heel after he attacked Taker at King of the Ring. But, you see, Ahmed was an idiot. Still is. So, he injured himself in a segment with DOA when he got too rough. I guess he didn’t know wrestling was fake. So, Vader has to substitute, last minute. But the truth is, that’s probably the saving grace of what would have been a disaster. Paul Bearer cowers behind the ring apron. JR says “Pretty hard to hide when you’re 400 pounds.” King says, “You oughtta know.”

The angle they’re furthering is that Bearer is saying Kane is coming. And he’s calling Taker a “murderer.” Repeatedly. This is significant because it was one of the only times ever, even in the attitude era, that death or murder was mentioned by name. The match is a clusterfuck. It’s decided that it’s a good idea to let massively obese Vader reverse a Tombstone. He just falls on his ass. Taker then chokeslams Vader off of the top rope, but only after they both count to three and Vader builds up a good bouncy rhythm. Undertaker manages a Tombstone, somehow, on big boy. He pins him and wins. They act like no one has ever kicked out of two chokeslams. I’m guessing they had to promise Vader they would make him look strong.

The main event is up next. First, Stu and Helen and the priemer are honored. Stu and Helen get a great ovation. Stone Cold comes out mouthing off to all the Canadians. But man, the Hart Foundation gets the biggest ovation I’ve ever seen. Bret’s is thunderous. With headphones on, it really is probably the loudest ever. On commentary, JR mentions the cameras ringside filming a documentary on Bret Hart’s life. Wrestling With Shadows was the documentary and if not for Montreal, might have been a production few cared about. But, it just so happened to capture and document the events of Bret Hart’s final year in WWF. It’s great. Of course, WWE hates it because Vince is caught lying in it and HHH is caught lying in it to Bret’s wife.

Austin and Bret really kick off the match in what is basically the conclusion to their legendary feud. I love how that Austin does the Million Dollar Dream, like he did at Survivor Series 96, but this time when Bret counters, Austin escapes. The match goes into some really good back and forth stuff between all the people involved. Bruce Hart tries his damndest to get involved. No one has ever sought as much spotlight as Hamil hair Bruce Hart. Looks like John Denver’s hair bleached.

A cool moment exists where Neidhart tags Bret and they do a double team move – sort of a Demolition style finisher. It was acknowledged on commentary by Vince as being shades of the original Hart Foundation. I wish they had done a Hart Attack. Bret and Shamrock go at it and Shamrock grabs Bret’s leg on the ground. They do this spot twice and the second time Bret begs off, I think Shamrock believed him because he just lets him get up. But Ken may have believed Bret was begging off for real since Bret had knee surgery right before then.

This match has the fans so involved. Almost constantly. Bulldog goes for a superplex on Goldust and he lands kind of sideways on his back – instantly grabbing it. I bet that hurt. Austin comes back out after earlier injuries. He and Bret go head to head again. Then Owen comes out and saves Bret from Austin.

Once Austin goes outside, Bruce throws a soda on him again (I think he fucked up and did it twice. I think he wasn’t supposed to do it earlier in the match). Then, to Lawler’s delight, Austin grabs Stu. Hell breaks loose as about 32 men who all look identical to Stu Hart (his kids) all swarm. Bruce jumps over the rail and FALLS. Then, he actually gets a small chant.

In the mayhem, Owen rolls up Austin and, grabbing his asshole, pins him. In an iconic moment, Austin comes back, attacks the entire foundation, and gets handcuffed. He flips them off from behind his back as he’s led out.

“Look at this, McMahon. Stu and Helen are responsible for all of this.” – Jerry “The King” Lawler

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Stranger Things got boring for me.

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While it began strong and had me hooked early on, Stranger Things quickly became tedious. The ending was pretty expected and cheeseball. I didn’t like it and let me tell you, I’ve drank a bunch of Tequila.

So, the show starts out strong. Credit given. Four kids quickly become three and they ride around on bicycles being Dungeons and Dragons kids. Someone once told me “Don’t write kids, unless you’re talking about goats.” Well, guess what? I might be talking about goats here. You never know. So one of the four goats gets kidnapped by evil monster dimension. Continue reading Stranger Things got boring for me.

The Season 2 premiere of Gotham sucked.

Yeah, the most creative word they could come up with was "villains." Why not "bad guys"?
Yeah, the most creative word they could come up with was “villains.” Why not “bad guys”?

The new season of Gotham is here and it’s just as shitty as the last one, maybe worse.

Out of the gate, if you don’t know that the Joker guy is the red headed dude, you have the worst guessing in history. That said, I’d be mad if they DIDN’T make ginger into the Joker.

Gordon goes from being a street cop to unemployment back to detective in this episode. Somehow, none of it is interesting at all. The fat delusional king idiot at the beginning randomly encounters Gordon, too.

Continue reading The Season 2 premiere of Gotham sucked.

Storage Wars Texas is pure trash on TV

Look at the goddamn guy with the comedy nose and mustache. Look at the goddamn guy with the comedy nose and mustache.

Storage Wars Texas sucks as much as you’d think. No one on the show is someone I would SPEAK to in public. Pure trash.

It took all of 8 minutes for an Obama joke to happen.

There’s one guy that probably has 3 years left on his heart. He’s huge.

There was like $50 bucks profit made on this show. What a waste of time.

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Review: Catastrophe – Season 1

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Catastrophe is a new comedy show on Amazon Prime, yeah that thing you buy groceries with. It’s a primitive Netflix like service that hey, I won’t lie, kinda sucks next to Netflix. But it’s about good content in the end and holy shit, this show is AWESOME. Rob Something and lady british are FUNNY, but not in the kind of way that Big Bang Theory tries to be (1 joke every second). They know where they’re good and they prove it by doing a riskier, less joke formula but the jokes? They’re like golden eggs vs shitty white eggs.

Continue reading Review: Catastrophe – Season 1

Saved By the Bell – Episode 1 – Summer Love

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I never liked this junk show. Someone bumps into an extra on accident. Screech falls and it’s morbidly fake. Everyone appears out of no where like they’re out of the lockers on you can’t do that on television. The laugh track is used too much (once).

Continue reading Saved By the Bell – Episode 1 – Summer Love

WCW Uncensored 1997 was junk.

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WCW Uncensored PPVs have a history of sucking. How will this one stack up? The third annual event from Charleston, SC couldn’t be worse than the others or the first two shows of the year…right?

Continue reading WCW Uncensored 1997 was junk.

Review: Raw is War – March 2, 1998

Raw is War
Raw is War

Raw is back with actual wrestlers we want to see! Austin, HBK and Tyson. I hate the effect where they cut back and forth between DX walking out and their titantron. Makes me sick. WWF has a hand drawn logo at the entrance. HBK calls out Iron Mike Tyson. The glass breaks. Rattlesnake is out. Then Kane comes out and says he will kill Stone Cold tonight. Austin says JR makes him sick!! Me too. He says he will kill Kane back. Tyson arrives.

Continue reading Review: Raw is War – March 2, 1998

Fox Business needs to go OUT of business. It is HORRIBLE.

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I started watching Fox Business as early as I could. It didn’t launch everywhere but slowly, every cable outlet came to get it. I believe DirecTV had it earliest in my area and I checked it out. From the first day it has been on, it SUCKED and it sucks now.

Continue reading Fox Business needs to go OUT of business. It is HORRIBLE.

WCW SuperBRAWL VII (1997) was garbage.

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We open with Piper escaping from a jail cell – with a spotlight actually on him in the jail. He takes off running like you might expect someone who had hip surgery to run. He’s in his kilt. This is how we open the show just after Souled Out, maybe the worst WCW show up until then. Oh boy.

Continue reading WCW SuperBRAWL VII (1997) was garbage.

Review: Hell’s Kitchen – Season 6

Winner, Dave. Also, Gordon Ramsay in the background, bitching about a toothpick being a millimeter off.
Winner, Dave. Also, Gordon Ramsay in the background, bitching about a toothpick being a millimeter off.

Time for another season of Imaginary Place’s Kitchen. But here’s the thing about this season – it became one of the most famous or infamous, if you will. Reason? because of a guy/grit named Joseph, who decided to challenge Chef Ramsay to a fight. Because he ain’t no pussy.

Continue reading Review: Hell’s Kitchen – Season 6

Review: Raw is War – February 23, 1998

Raw is War
Raw is War

We join you two nights after our last Raw. Because USA COULDNT PUT A DOG SHOW ANYWHERE ELSE.

Continue reading Review: Raw is War – February 23, 1998

Marvel Daredevil on Netflix is fantastic.

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Marvel Daredevil is a really good show. High quality, strong actors and good story. The opening, while a little similar to Hannibal, is also pretty fun. Is that candle wax? What is that?

Continue reading Marvel Daredevil on Netflix is fantastic.

Review: Adam 12 – “Reed, the Dicks Have Their Job and We Have Ours.”

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Adam 12 was a show back in Moses time when cops never did anything wrong and we’re always good guys who got the job done. Oh that’s just how they were portrayed. Each episode is a lot like the formula for Dragnet. No surprise, Jack Webb made this show too.

The episode I will sample today is “Reed, the Dicks Have Their Job and We Have Ours.”

They manage to say “One Adam 12” so much per episode, you could do a drinking game with it. “I’m generally very calm and collected” says the lady who is acting like she isn’t. It’s a call to a fucking cat under a house. I’d shoot the lady.

Some vagrant flags down the cops to narc on a fight. They’re sure to harass him about his past drug habit to embarrass him before leaving. They find a dead body. They basically do nothing until the dicks appear.

A woman is beat up by her wife. The cops ask her to not press charges if he promises. He’s a drunk. The officer doesn’t have time to listen to it and makes her forgive him.

So they chase some people down and the bad guys jump out. They plant drugs on them. The rookie who was mad he didn’t get to investigate the stabbing earlier gets all happy now that he saw a little action. They see the dicks and of course, the stabbing is working them a bunch.

This show sucked.

Review: Goosebumps – Attack of the Jack O’ Lanterns

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Attack of the Jack O Lanterns is our next televised train wreck. Why does RL Stine not even try to catch the flying papers at the open? I think I saw a green pussy in the open collage.

Continue reading Review: Goosebumps – Attack of the Jack O’ Lanterns

Review: Raw Saturday Night – February 21, 1998

Raw is War
Raw is War

This edition of Raw is Saturday, not Monday night! I never understood why USA would preempt their number one show so we could watch a poodle jump through a loop and take a shit on astroturf.

Continue reading Review: Raw Saturday Night – February 21, 1998

Review: Raw is War – February 9, 1998

Raw is War
Raw is War

We open to a camera shaking and Sunny, as Marilyn Monroe, singing Happy Birthday to Mr Blassie. The attitude era and happy birthday opens the show. We recap last weeks episode.

Continue reading Review: Raw is War – February 9, 1998

The first season of Gotham sucked.

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First season of Gotham sucked. I can’t believe the show is still on. I just watch it to see how bad it can be. It is like driving by a car wreck and having to look out of interest.

Continue reading The first season of Gotham sucked.

Review: Goosebumps – Vampire Breath

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Vampire Breath is our next episode because they ran out of episodes that didn’t sound like shit. This episode was so bad, it took me weeks to finish just this measly review of it. I couldn’t watch it. Every time I would start, I would get nauseous because of how bad of a waste of time it was. So just know, this fucking episode is one of the worst of the worst.

Continue reading Review: Goosebumps – Vampire Breath