Bad Girls Club has been on for TEN seasons (allegedly) and I’ve never seen one episode – until now.

Season 10 announces it will be in Atlanta. I already feel dirty. And the show begins with a black lady fight, one second in.

Nothing scares me more. They’re so unpredictable and they will cut you.

I tap my 4th gen iPad four times to get it to FUCKING resume but it does, finally. We see the girls together, all getting along. All look a tad rough, too. Some lady name Natalie, from season four and who runs L.A. says she will introduce us to them. A fat chick says “Having sex is too much work.” and is shot immediately, or would have been if I made the laws.

A girl with boobs and attitude is with Natalie, the mayor of LA. It’s a casting special! We get to see the rejects too skanky for THIS show.

Up first, a guy has procured a wig and snuck in.

One girl thinks she’s made it and hasn’t. One girl has fucked every guy on a cardboard collage she made, because someone apparently told her auditions were being held in the form of a 7th grade science fair. Some more ugly ladies appear. And there’s a FAT chick at the end who says she gets taken advantage of. By who, the beef industry?

Paula, our first bad girl, is here. She’s dancing and is pure black from Chicago. She moves her lips so much, I could take random screen shots and it would look insane anytime she was talking.

She also likes to clap when talking down to people. Think about what other creature claps…

Paula admits that she experiences emotional extremes. She’s embraced that she’s nuts. We see our first nipple and Paula melts down and uses the line “burns my biscuit.” The cohost with large breasts and an attitude notices my emotional extremes observation, making me feel validated in the new world of ghetto chick TV.

Nicole is up next. She is an idiot and likes to dance. Dancing looks so dumb. She gets into a fight with Paula and hammers her face. I love it.

Nicole sits down in the most unflattering pose ever and cries on the phone to her “Mommy” who tells her to BREAK THEIR FUCKING NOSE. They fight again! The two hosts put their money on Nikki.

Nikki says she is overtly sexual and mentions fucking in a picture booth at 2 in the afternoon in a Mall. Places you will never find me at, again. She then discusses wanting to know how big a guys dick is because “she’s not going to lay down with a 3 inch dick and pretend that’s OK!” Ha!

The cohost with tits says she would ask how big it is too.

Shannon is up. She likes Mexicans, cars and a great house. She’s got a little bed and a make up cabinet. She looks hideous and has had way too much plastic surgery done. She shows she can be a total skank too. And then some chocolate covered strawberries show up but that’s not enough for our breast-endowed cohost, who wants earrings.

Janae is next from Houston. Her face is weird.

Her voice isn’t great and she rambles. Commercial and when we return, we find out she’s the town crier. She starts snotting when she cries and since she does that all the time, she’s ugly 95% of the time and could be voted off of the show before the episode ends. I don’t even know if that’s the format of this show, either.

Stephanie is actually attractive. She is a total whore, by admission, and is a stripper too (not sure if “too” needs to be there in that sentence). She says stripping isn’t demeaning and in fact, “is empowering.” She almost looks like she believes that in her hollow, shell of a soul too.

Stephanie gets mad and squints her eyes so tight, a piece of dental floss could blindfold her. Valentina says “the stripper bitch is a ho…but she knows how to have fun, she’s a fun ho.” Exactly my thoughts, Valentina.

Her tampon leaks out of her g-string while she was stripping. Disgusting. The hosts agree and tits says she doesn’t want anyone with a “stanky sushi pie.”

Valentina is up next and she’s a 22 year old from Maryland. She’s brilliant, a political science major who spends evenings at the library and of course, I’m lying. She’s a Nigerian who is really into the whole “African” thing.

Shannon calls her “kunta-kinte” and everyone turns on her. Someone even throws scalding water on her! (Note: It wasn’t scalding, but my imagination filled in the blanks. Sorry). The hosts don’t respect her for not standing up for herself. Nikki and her collide though. Valentina took it to her. These ladies suck at fighting.

Alicia hates “abnaxaious” girls and has a tat inside of her lip. Nicole then says Alicia has cottage cheese on her ass. Better than Nicole’s beer gut. Alicia wears weird outfits including a sailor outfit, a dominatrix outfit and pants out of The Breakfast Club. Alicia then beats the SHIT out of some girl! She slings her around like a rag doll! It’s pretty cool.

It wins the hosts over too, who like her and are rooting for her to win this show, however one accomplishes that.

We see a montage of the ladies again and even more zany antics ensue. I’m not sure where or when you may view this, but I would guess PBS.