Vanished in the Twinkling of an Eye is a Christian based movie that is basically designed to explain why everyone disappeared in the rapture to non-believers, most of whom will be quite stupid and resistant to admit they are wrong. Pastor John Hagee is behind the development of the film.
It begins with everyone disappearing. A police station is pretty much going nuts, but not shockingly, remains almost fully staffed. In fact, only one cop seems to vanish. I knew cops were dirty.
Then, John Hagee rounds the corner…uh. He says he is one of the people who was raptured. This movie is going to be difficult to understand in normal storytelling terms. Hagee said he knew this day would come, but he likely expected it to happen by now as this was released on VHS in the 90s.
Pastor Hagee correctly informs the viewers that they need to find Christ if they want to see their loved ones again.
A lot of vehicles, air and ground, are filmed crashing. An old ass helicopter crashes.
What was this thing carrying? A Kebler elf?
A woman named “Janet Shit” reports for “WNN.” Pastor Hagee keeps popping up in the middle of this. Hagee states that Christian pilots will vanish. So maybe we need to be sure there is always an atheist copilot.
A woman does not look distraught at all but we are told she is, through the dialogue.
This is supposed to be “hysterics”
The dumbest guy alive thinks he knows the answer. “We are gods,” he says. Fool.
The detectives pick it up. They figure out all of the vanished were Christians! Of course. The detective slams the phone down and almost misses! Nobody has a microphone on. I can tell.
The European Union President shows up. He’s the anti Christ and we know this, because some evil chorus music plays.
Looks evil too
Pastor Hagee says hey, don’t worship this guy. He’s going to steal your soul. Easy to figure out for believers but for those who don’t/dumb folks, well, this could be tough. They like screwing up and thinking they can know it all.
A WNN news feed is shown everywhere, including Central Park and the UN General Assembly. Fox News would be pissed, but everyone there was raptured except Alan Colmes and Bob Beckel.
The Beast convinces the fools to follow him by (shockingly) telling them that their poor/wrong behavior actually ok! Hear that before?
Then, my copy of this movie includes a FULL DirectBuy commercial. Christian Networks be making bank. Robert Wagner strolls out, most famous for playing a character in Austin Powers. I think he’s peddling life insurance.
The show comes back on and, funny enough, the Baptist produced documentary shows a Jew and Catholic telling reporters that the antiChrist is the messiah
Lots of folks believe he is the messiah. I’m getting good at predicting when John Hagee will walk back into frame. I take a drink of some lemonade that should have about double the amount of sugar in it that it does.
Pastor Hagee, already rather hefty in the 1990s, bends over to pick up the Bible. I don’t hear an “UGHHHHHHHHH” and “crackkkkk crack crack” as he stands back upright. Maybe they edited that out but the rotund Texan undoubtably has added more mass to his figure.
Santa is deceived by the Beast.
It gets really serious when jolly Ole St Nick follows the antichrist
People are labeled as haters that make sense. A bunch of little Asians club some little guy. They wouldn’t be doing that shit to me. I’d pick one up in each arm and swing them.
We get a music video. It’s Christian music, so it isn’t that good. The worst part about Christian music is that people who would normally be told “You aren’t that good,” are instead encouraged. There are some great Christian performers, don’t get me wrong. I just can’t remember any of them.
A guy goes to his father’s grave and the headstone is lousy, if you ask me. The guy prays for a message though and God sends it to him.
The man, somehow, digs an entire 6 foot grave up with a mere shovel. I think I mentioned this once but I tried burying a cat in a shoe box once and it took all I could do to get that thing buried.
I’ve noticed people are being raptured but having enough time to fold their clothes up and in one case, write a note!
We close with a solid message for viewers – give your life to Christ. Good Christian message. But yeah, it’s cheesy at times.
