Reservoir Dogs sucked! I just watched it because it’s been in my Netflix queue for years and now I know why my instincts were to never watch it – it wasn’t anywhere NEAR as good as people said. Also, I hate the word “reservoir.”

Ok, so the movie is decent at times but out of the gate, we get more “nigger” and “faggot” usage than the story needed. We can lose that shit from our fiction, at least. Then, teach about how evil it was in our culture.

A bunch of “wise guys” are doing a heist that goes wrong because a cop is undercover and rats them out. Steve Buscemi, the only person that makes it out of this fucking snoozer alive, is on to there being a rat but Harvey Keitel (Kettle if you go with Apple autocorrect) says it isn’t the guy that asked him his name and other personal questions for NO REASON. Then, everyone says “nigger.” No reason. They all just start saying it.

Quentin Tarantino, the director in his debut, shows his ugly old-woman faced-self in this a few times. He used to be on those crappy weekly shows like Tales from the Crypt. I’m trying to remember a time when he hasn’t looked like a total creep but I can’t. These movies are, in a way, proof.

So for the whole goddamn movie, we get to see a single room and people in suits talking about random bullshit. Hey you did it. Nah you did. Then, a guy cuts an ear off of a cop and tortures him. They murder the cop like its nothing. I don’t like most cops, but I would write Tarantino a ticket if I ever pulled him over for that shit.

You know who else is in this? Tim Roth. I don’t know who that is.

Eventually, the movie ends with everyone killing each other except for Keitel and the undercover cop who is at this point harder to kill than Mustafa from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. “I’m still alive only I’m very…badly…burned.” The cops bust in (I think with the braggadocios officer who said “buddy” 4 times in a sentence during one scene) and Keitel kills undercover, then gets blown away.

I, on the other hand, was not blown away by this movie. I hated it. I didn’t even like the ONE FUCKIN ACTION SCENE IN THE MOVIE. It was typical Grandma-Face Tarantino over-the-top action with a billion squibs exploding and blood and gore. We get it, dude. You’re demented.

This movie gets a 5/10.