In Your House 4: Great White North emanates from Canada. We open to an “up and coming artist” that the ring announcer informs is “Toni Wilson.” I think she botches the first line of the Canadian National Anthem, which most WWF fans at the time likely booed at home, but I don’t know.
When Stone Cold Steve Austin took off in the 1997 and 1998 time, there wasn’t a WWE marketing machine like there is in 2015. Every few months, he might get a new shirt – that was it. When his first VHS came out, ‘Cause Stone Cold Said So, it was BAD ASS because it was rated R basically. WWF was going REALLY far for a few months (Brian Pillman pulled a goddamn gun on Austin one week, come on!). But by the time Austin began his feud with Vince McMahon, they had toned it down from that insane shit…and Austin’s third WWF Home Video came out. “Hell Yeah.”
Reservoir Dogs sucked! I just watched it because it’s been in my Netflix queue for years and now I know why my instincts were to never watch it – it wasn’t anywhere NEAR as good as people said. Also, I hate the word “reservoir.”
Ok, so the movie is decent at times but out of the gate, we get more “nigger” and “faggot” usage than the story needed. We can lose that shit from our fiction, at least. Then, teach about how evil it was in our culture.
Royal Rumble 1989! Time to watch and enjoy, hopefully. Out of the gate, we get a Vincegasm with “HAAAALK HOOOOGAM.”
The Summit in Houston is our location, with Gorilla and Ventura on commentary.
The Fabulous Rougeaus and Dino Bravo will open the show against a popular Hart Foundation and Hacksaw Jim Duggan! Gorilla notes “that piece of garbage, Frenchie” is at ringside. Jimmy Hart is too. Now, the play by play isn’t much of my style but I’ll tell you that I think this is a great six-man tag match. The Rougeaus win the first fall over Bret Hart. Gorilla informs us that people are “literally hanging from the rafters.” Id like to edit a porno with him doing commentary sometime. Hacksaw and the Harts get the last two falls thanks to the 2X4. What if an amateur wrestler came to the ring with a wooden board?
Grandma’s Boy is a movie I discovered early in my weed smoking years. It was when I was in college. Yes, a total stoner movie. I loved it then but can it stand up to my standards today?
Kevin Nash shows up as the guys play XBox and smoke weed. They’re losers. Nash is evicting them in the scene but out of character, they catch him actually saying he will massage cock for money.
I wasn’t that old. I was a big Superman fan from an early age. Superman 64 comes out and I get it and what am I treated to? The most broken videogame I ever played up until that time, arguably since too. $60 – flushed.
At first, it almost seemed fun because you could fly around and that’s literally IT. That’s where the fun ended. You had to fly through stupid race-courses in the air. That’s what I want to do, play a time-trial/racing game. How did you guys guess? Psychic fucks.
In Your House 3 is from Saginaw, Michigan. We are guaranteed to gave a title-change in our main-event, a Triple Header match…right? No. We will get fucked. Vince McMahon will actually totally take a dump on the finish the next night on Raw.
We begin with Waylon Mercy vs Savio Vega. I guess Mercy is a country psychopath. He squishes worms and that’d probably not fly in 2015. Interestingly, the character didn’t go far and I never knew why. As a kid, I just assumed Mercy went insane. Doc Hendrix interrupt us to tell us that Owen Hart isn’t here here yet and the main event could be in jeopardy. King HATES Vega’s hair and suspects it may have been cut in a pet shop. Vega wins, giving Mercy his first defeat, with a spinning heel kick.
A backstage interview where Monsoon says the fans won’t get ripped off. Yeah right.
Star Trek Renegades is a Kickstarter-funded movie that is set in the Star Trek Voyager universe (without concern to the new JJ Abrams movies). It’s about a bunch of stuff. It is basically like a fan-film that somehow managed to get a bunch of the cast members to take part in it. It is truly a mixed-bag and by that, I mean it’s shitty unless you’re a big Trekkie, then it is great.
Ready for about 13 minutes of story and the rest of the time, nothing but non-stop brainless fucking loud action? Then Avengers: Age of Ultron is for you but reading books probably isn’t. This movie did nothing for me except made me feel like I had wasted time.
The basic essence of the story is that the group of Avengers are getting the Loki Scepter thing from the other movie. They get it and hey, all is good (for 5 seconds). Suddenly, Tony Stark is a total idiot and creates an artificial intelligence that, like in all movies, can break out of it’s confined parameters and hates humanity. It also has a sense of humor and is an asshole. It computer-rapes Jarvis. Then, it makes itself a shitty broken body that gets destroyed.
Although it has great potential as a device to connect peoples and places, Facebook has become nothing more than a corporate hack-employing politically correct mess. Now, you can’t even speak truths about Christianity or other shitty religions because they’ll ban you.
“The cross is also the pagan symbol for intercourse” was the only thing I wrote on a post that got me suspended for a day (and another admin suspended for THIRTY DAYS). That is IT.
By the way, it isn’t like I made that up. It has been well documented by others.
However, fuck facts. Christians and butthurt bitches reported me enough that I was punished. Irony? I drive past churches that say that preach the truth to you in LOVE. Well why can’t you fucking pieces of shit listen to my truth, THE truth? Oh that’s right, you’re the most hypocritical, one-way bunch that has ever lived.
Fuck Facebook and fuck butthurt Christians.
I’ve always hated Jared Fogle. He came across like a total fake nerd and like usual, I was right about him. He’s a fucking pedophile.
Superstars is here, on January 6, 1990, Jesse Ventura moons the camera that is waist up. Vince aimlessly covers him.
Storage Wars Texas sucks as much as you’d think. No one on the show is someone I would SPEAK to in public. Pure trash.
It took all of 8 minutes for an Obama joke to happen.
There’s one guy that probably has 3 years left on his heart. He’s huge.
There was like $50 bucks profit made on this show. What a waste of time.
Cleveland Abduction is about Ariel Castro the real winner who abducted and held women for years.
We get to know the victim. She’s got a shitty loser for a mother with no responsibility. Thanks to that hag, she has to walk to a child services meeting. She’s probably too stupid to blame herself, though.
Straight Outta Compton is a movie about a bunch of black people. Actually it’s about the origin story of a group you may have heard of: RUN DMC.
Fantastic Four sucked. It wasn’t as bad as the old ones, but it was only about 1% better. The whole fucking movie is their origin story (and it is just as boring as you thought).
I hate fat old flies.
They’re maybe the most disrespectful pricks in the animal kingdom. Clearly, the trait of being the most annoying thing possible helped the fly to survive throughout evolution.
Pixels sucks, sorry folks. I wrote this line after the first line by the kid in the movie which sounded single take without rehearsal.