Batman: Arkham Knight is an experience all gamers and Batman fans owe it to themselves to enjoy. The game rocks, has such a deep atmosphere and perfectly captures the Batmobile. But it still sucks in some ways and I’m here to point that out.
Catastrophe is a new comedy show on Amazon Prime, yeah that thing you buy groceries with. It’s a primitive Netflix like service that hey, I won’t lie, kinda sucks next to Netflix. But it’s about good content in the end and holy shit, this show is AWESOME. Rob Something and lady british are FUNNY, but not in the kind of way that Big Bang Theory tries to be (1 joke every second). They know where they’re good and they prove it by doing a riskier, less joke formula but the jokes? They’re like golden eggs vs shitty white eggs.
Lee Daniels’ The Butler is one of the most profound movies I have watched in a long while and really made me angry at The South, southern pride, Confederate flag dummies and the way stupid people seem to expect their bigotry to be tolerated by innocent, kind humans just wanted to be treated equal. The movie was an experience I wish I could share with all of you.
Final Fantasy Record Keeper is an original game for mobile and tablet devices featuring Final Fantasy characters. I wish I had known about this game from day one because it is fucking AWESOME.
Batman Arkham Knight is the next-gen Rocksteady conclusion do the Arkham series…or so we are led to believe. Anyway, the game is pretty fun but has a lot of technical problems that only I, the Riddler…I mean, the Critic can do justice to in an article.
Raw is live from Phoenix, Arizona. Sold out, too. On a Tuesday. Ken Shamrock comes out in his street clothes. Shamrock delivers a shit interview but The Great One comes out. Before his music hits actually, still the Nation theme. The Rock delivers pure gold on the mic. Rock is over so much as a heel, at this point, that he probably had more heat than HBK. Shamrock has 2 minutes to beat DLo and just as he is about to, Rock slams him with two chair shots. The second one was brutal to Shamrocks skull, directly, head on.
Happy Father’s Day. My dad is dead.
That’s how much sense it makes, though. This dumb ass day that everyone has to fucking talk about all of the time ends up being a reminder of sadness and grief for anyone who has lost their parents. And why?
All so people will buy things.
I used to be the biggest Stone Cold Steve Austin fan. He would open up a can of whoop ass on Mr. McMahon and stun him, stun Shane, stun Stephanie (?), stun Linda (???) and maybe even stun Debra, his wife. While several of those women that Austin beat up were in the script, at least several that he has beat up in real life were not in any script. Steve Austin is a woman beater, according to his ex-wife.
Bethesda shocked everyone at E3 by doing something really bad ass this year – revealing a game we didn’t know about and releasing it RIGHT THEN on the App Store. Fucking sweet! It is called Fallout Shelter and the game is a blast.
Imagine what it would be like to be an overseer of your very own vault. Now you can. Fallout Shelter is a vault simulator that gives you the power to create and design your very own Vault from the Fallout universe. For those that are unaware, Fallout is a universe where Mike Huckabee was elected President and started nuclear war with Russia over a make-believe god from the Bible that never really existed. The entire world is destroyed and a few survivors must exist in what is left – practically described as hell on earth.
We open with Rock and Farooq against Steve Blackman and Ken Shamrock. JR mentions how big of the future The Rock is. Maybe he knew. Kevin Kelly foolishly says “He’s in the same boat as Shamrock and Farooq and Dlo.” Shut up idiot. Match ends in a schmoz and Shamrock beats up Rock as Farooq holds back the Nation.
Damien: Omen 2 is a movie about some mythological tribal religion that somehow became world-wide. Santa is going nuts because Omen kid is back. Damien Thorne the antiChrist is alarming his old crazy ass. They die.
Flex Seal sucks. It looked like the coolest shit ever. Guess what? NOPE. It’s not anything like what they claim on TV.
The Omen sucked. It is about a fictional character, Satan, taking control of a young boy and becoming THE antiChrist and having super powers. It’s directed by Richard Donner. Gregory Peck is in it, which was a name that probably bothered some older Christians because it sounded like pecker and they can’t stop thinking of sex. An omen occurs at the beginning of this review, as my stomach rumbles, indicating that my large intestine will need to be emptied before this review is over.
I never liked this junk show. Someone bumps into an extra on accident. Screech falls and it’s morbidly fake. Everyone appears out of no where like they’re out of the lockers on you can’t do that on television. The laugh track is used too much (once).
After Earth should have been called blow my fucking brains out before you let me watch this movie again. It stars L. Ron Hubbard cult follower Will Smith as a cripple with a boring son who can’t act. M. Night Shyamalan directs it and needs to be canned.
Hancock should be called suck cock.
Would You Rather is a strange movie that falls under the horror genre, I suppose. It is about a group of people who get together and play a no questions asked game, without being told the rules ahead of time and in a clear fashion.
Star Trek 2, the Wrath of Khan was fucking awesome. I love this movie. It isn’t perfect – but for Star Trek, this was it. The epitome. The apex. The climax. The cum shot. Let’s talk about why in the most foul fashion I can muster.
Star Trek: Generations is absolute shit. It is the first Next Generation movie, the first sequel not to include the number in it (7) and just a train fucking wreck.
WCW Uncensored PPVs have a history of sucking. How will this one stack up? The third annual event from Charleston, SC couldn’t be worse than the others or the first two shows of the year…right?