Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Was a popular children’s game show, an unusually-1990’s genre you don’t see as often in the 2010s. Some episodes of the show feature one black kid and a few others but today, were going all-in on the brothers and sisters!

The host guy comes out and asks, on air, if “Ayan-ah is out you say it? Good enough.” Assumingly, showing an ounce of concern is as good as getting it right to this guy. He reminds all three kids that winners get to go to anywhere (in North America. All three young African Americans have left North America and are proud of it, as seen in their introduction. Seems more than coincidental when three children all say, at 12, they’ve been to Africa).

“It’s time for our very first clue. You know what it is,” the host says. Uh, no I don’t man. It’s not happened yet. That’s how time works. A guy on drugs shows up.

Then, the kids are expected to even understand a question with these as the choices…

Each has a different answer, of course. I don’t think they were real places. Next up, the clue is “the nation’s most populace state.” This girl believes she had the answer…

Wrong.

Now, we go from places in Europe that I have never heard of to asking what the Antarctic Donut – a naturally occurring pastry, a trench or a hole in the ozone. One kid assumes it may be a trench.

Next, the children will dig through garbage and find paper and put the lid back on. The first kid forgets step 3 and places second because of it. Carmen informs the rat that, in the 1800s, “blacks and women were kept out of” a location. There seems to be many ways to more poignantly put this.

Next, questions are worth $5 each, meaning most of you could fund this operation. David guesses that the Pacific Ocean is west of Africa.

The Church of Christ-friendly house band reminds us that National Geographic World verified all answers. We are asked which of these three deserts are located between China and Mongolia.

Now, Ayana hatches a well-thought plan. Here are our contestants and their totals:

At 3rd place with 65, Ayana risks 10. TEN I say!

65+10=75 with would leave her…in 3rd place! However, considering her performance, not betting much on herself may inadvertently be the wisest choice of her LIFE, based on accidental logic not applied here. She gets the question correct of course, completely changing the dynamic of the game

none.

The host LAUGHS. Now, fortunately David is here to display logic not found previously. His bet?

…what? His bet, if the answer was correct (and it was), would leave him in his current position too. These kids are stupid.

Now, the leader actually seems brilliant.

Probably a little nerdy but she risks 30 ACME bucks, actually putting herself at risk to be in third! But she gets the easy ass question. Ayana leaves with a pen that can record 15 seconds of audio – useless.

The young black kids are telephone modemed to Mongolia. Didn’t know that was possible. David pronounces Daqing Mountains as “Da Chain Mountains.” I was actually expecting to see “The Chain Mountains” before I saw the board. David scores some luck, finding the loot, remembering to pick White Pagoda for the warrant, and picking the correct place for the crook too! The very intelligent young lady gets a bunch of nerd gear and two “secret senders” that are a pocket organizer and a control for your TV or VCR. This was some sweet shit in the early 90s.

David gets a call from Wonderrat. The rat makes a joke, laughing, but David isn’t amused and doesn’t flinch. However, Wonderrat mentions “North America” and David is all smiles.

It looks like our young contestant will have to label some exotic places, today!

David nails each one. Even after NEVER once getting a wrong answer, David is fucked by this cheap game and this happens.

Ironically, the chief says “no one could have done more,” which is a fact because he got screwed by the shitty layout of the answers.

Then, Acapella plays us out. If you knew what the phrase “to play us out” meant, you’re doing better than Bill O’Reilly.