The news is unwatchable. It’s so hokey and corny. I was driving down the road and heard the dumbest damn story ever. GAS PRICES. Who gives a fuck? Unless it’s up or down 50 cents, I don’t! Nothing is getting done about it so what’s the point of giving the news a minute about it every night

Also, why do people care about a weather forecast? I ask Siri about the weather every morning and GO. I don’t need to plan ahead from the night before unless their is severe weather. When weather takes up more than 30 seconds, it’s bullshit.

What about local news? It sucks ass more than anything. I’m not lying when I tell you that it has been years since I watched any local news, except to make fun of it. Here are basically all local news stories:

• House fire
• Weather damage
• Something happened nationally – how does it affect us locally?
• Local election results (never anything investigative)
• Something stupid about animals
• A bunch of people’s opinions that you could have gone without hearing
• A wreck
• A weird accidental death
• Crime (boring)
• Sports (mostly little kids, or college. I can handle college but schools? Who cares besides good parents). Never even cover wrestling or MMA.
• Black Friday (like its a story. It happens ever year)
• 4th of July Parades (I hate parades)
• Food drives (stupid)
• Stock market (only news to people who already knew. If you relied on the news for your stock information, you’d be broke)

Every few months, reporters will put a little effort into a “special report.” These are ALWAYS during ratings measurement periods (called sweeps). Want to test out the theory? Next time your local news does a promo for a story (where most of the effort actually goes) or the story itself (usually lame), check – I guarantee they’re in sweeps. Whys that matter?

Because if they really gave a shit about you like they act like, they would do these stories all the time. They don’t. It’s a ratings game, which equals ad dollars.

News sucks. You’ll know if something important enough to hear about is going on through social media, now. I don’t even really know why these misleading fucks still exist (oh yeah, corruption).