Wrestlemania XI might be the worst one they did. It was a disappointment throughout the night and the card was stupid.
We open with a look back at the celebrities from past Wrestlemanias, including the elephant from Wrestlemania IX, along with Natalie Cole who was just in the crowd.
Also, I want to warn everyone – everyone is wearing ridiculous headphones in this stupid Wrestlemania. Todd’s are the worst, thanks to bad lighting in the area where Jim Ross is. But just prepare yourself…
There are audio difficulties from the beginning and we hear nothing of Vince McMahon who is in the ring, talking. Finally, we hear “Special Special Olympian Kathy Hughy.” And what follows…
Hey, God bless the girl.
The Allied Powers face The Blue Brothers. Luger and Bulldog botch a double power slam (Luger really).
Vince pitches to Nick Turturro, who can’t be heard because of the audio guy being an idiot.
Here’s what he looks like today. An idiot
Double J faces Razor Ramon next. The audio guy sucks again. You might think this would be an exciting match but it really wasn’t. It has a shit DQ finish and Double J leaves as the champion.
After seeing he wasnt with Pamela Anderson, Vince has to act like he might be and tosses to that NYPD Blue guy. It’s a bad segment.
A clunker between Undertaker and King Kong Bundy happens. Vince considered ending the streak here, from what I’ve heard. So he was a step away from being a total fool.Taker wins clean.
Again, with Nick Tuturro. Steve McMichael is just coincidentally by Pamela Andersons dressing room for an interview.
Next, Owen Hart and Yokozuna debut as a tag-team. I enjoyed the combination. The crowd seemed to appreciate the match, even with Owen and an out of shape Yoko wins. How could he wipe his ass? Huge pop for their win.
Bam Bam Bigelow says he will not be known as the guy who lost to LT at Wrestlemania 11. Yeah ok.
We get Bret Hart vs Bob Backlund in an I Quit match. Roddy “Whaddya Say” Piper is the referee. King mentions that the German announcers are ugly. Backlund botches the end by screaming “Yeaaaaaaaaah” and Piper calls for the bell. It was an I quit match. Not a “Yeaaaaaaaaah” match. You can actually hear Bret and Roddy both saying to him “You have to say I quit” but Backlund is an idiot.
Our crack audio person screws up again for one more Nick Turturro.
Diesel botched his interview and gets mad. He says he came here for one reason “And that’s be the…hold onto this belt!” Pettingill looks like an idiot in the headphones.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas, a real megastar in 2015, comes out as the guest time keeper. Nick Tuturro doesn’t look at the right camera and sucks as the ring announcer. HBK comes out with Jennifer McCarthy, at that time more famous for showing her bush than for being against vaccines. Diesel gets Pam Anderson, who trips getting into the ring. The match is poorly booked and HBK ends up looking good, even though Diesel wins. Lots of botches. Worst jackknife ever, Nash’s fault.
Notice Nash has his vest on still in the dumbass videogame. They got everything wrong.
Our final match. Evidently, all of the photographers are too stupid to move. Salt n Pepa gets into it with Bam Bam. They act like trash. Lawrence Taylor comes out. He’s not yet been in trouble for having sex with underage girls but give him a few years. Bigelow hits a moonsault but rolls off for no reason. LT botched a jackknife. No one is hitting that move this night. LT kicks out of Bigelows finish then beats him with a forearm off the second rope. Why this closed the PPV, I’ll never know.
Mania 11 continued the trend of sucky odd-numbered Wrestlemanias. In my not humble opinion, it wouldn’t be until Wrestlemania 15, decent, and Wrestlemania 2000, sucked, that we broke the trend.
Here’s what the card for WrestleMania XI SHOULD’VE been:
1.The New Headshrinkers (with Capt. Lou Albano & Afa) vs. The Blu Brothers (with Uncle Zebekiah) [these two teams had a brief feud on a couple episodes of Wrestling Challenge, so it makes sense for them to get on this card for a quick PPV payday]
2.Jeff Jarrett (with The Roadie) vs. Razor Ramon for the WWF Intercontinental Championship [we’re keeping this match in, and you can still have Razor win by DQ]
3.Davey Boy Smith & The Smoking Gunns vs. Irwin R. Schyster, King Kong Bundy, & Kama (with Ted DiBiase) [just get six guys on the card, and Bulldog and the Gunns get the win when Bulldog pins IRS]
4.Bull Nakano vs. Alundra Blayze for the WWF Women’s Championship [this match was held on Raw the night after, but it would make more to have it take place at WrestleMania with Alundra winning back the title, and THEN you can have Bertha Faye make her debut the next night on Raw by attacking Alundra during an interview]
5.Lex Luger vs. Tatanka (with Ted DiBiase) in a steel cage match [this feud had been building since SummerSlam and Survivor Series in 1994, so the blow-off should happen here, and after the match, DiBiase berates Tatanka, who tries to attack him, only for Luger to return to the ring, beat down Tatanka, and shake hands with DiBiase, thus cementing Luger’s heel turn so he can feud with Diesel, Shawn, and Bret]
6.The 1-2-3 Kid & Bob Holly vs. Hakushi & Yokozuna (with Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji) for the WWF Tag-Team Championship [Kid and Holly should’ve had a longer title reign, and Hakushi would’ve also been a suitable partner for Yoko; we can still have Hakushi and Yoko win the titles here, and then go on to In Your House #1 to defend against the Gunns]
7.The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow (with Ted DiBiase) [since Taker is feuding with the Million Dollar Corporation, it makes sense for him to battle the MDC’s crown jewel, who would obviously be Bigelow]
8.Diesel (with Lawrence Taylor) vs. Shawn Michaels (with Sycho Sid) for the WWF World Championship [instead of wrestling Bigelow, L.T. can be in Diesel’s corner to counter Sid]
9.Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart (with Bob Backlund) in a No DQ match with Roddy Piper as the guest referee [I know that this match was held on the Raw prior to the PPV, but it should’ve occured here, and the finish could involve Backlund trying to interfere, only for Piper to knock him the holy hell out, and Bret manages to make Owen submit to the Sharpshooter, then bringing an end to their year-long feud]
So, what do you think?
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I love it. Seriously! This rules. Nice job dude
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Alternatively, I would have IRS and Bundy teaming with Nikolai Volkoff so Charles Wright (Kama) can reprise his previous gimmick, Papa Shango, and feud with Taker through the spring and summer of 1995, culminating in their casket match at SummerSlam that year as Taker vs. Shango instead of Taker vs. Kama. Imagine the back-and-forth mind games between these two.
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That would have been just incredible. I always read they toyed with bringing Shango back
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Another match I would add to my rebooked WM11 card would be Adam Bomb vs. Kwang with Harvey Wippleman; it would be a quick toilet break match to cool down the crowd between Diesel vs. Shawn and Bret vs. Owen, and allow Bomb to get the win so Kwang can disappear off TV and come back as Savio Vega at In Your House #1.
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