Let’s face it: Christianity is about as flawed as anything. Some moronic Christians say “Oh well your brain just can’t understand it” but I understand it amazingly well – it’s written by dumb fucks from 2000 years ago and most of it is entirely fictional with no basis in reality whatsoever. But let’s say it wasn’t and God really did do things the way he decided to. Well, I have a few simple adjustments that God could have used to make things go SO much better! Or he can go back in time and do it, taking a break every 6 days…because…uh…

Use elephants as prophets. They wouldn’t be mistakable as phony people just trying to make money or control people. Also, takes more than one lion to kill…

If you send the Son of God to earth as a man, give him a 43 inch dick. Why? Well, simple. He whips that out and every woman will worship him plus some men. Plus, if he’s being crucified, everyone would be really jealous and complimentary.

Maybe predict something right. You know what would have filled up churches? If 9/11 was in Revelations. If the Holocaust was in Mark. Whatever! If God knows when every man will die, give us a heads up when it’s really fucked up! You want people to believe in you right?

Show yourself to anyone in modern times. TVs and the Internet exist, dude. You know what you could do? One YouTube video. Just one. Do some magic tricks in it or maybe do some God stuff where you guess what the viewer is thinking. You proved yourself to the fucktards that couldn’t write the Bible right, how about now when we can’t get it wrong?

Actually answer prayers. Wouldn’t it be cool if God answered prayers? Because he fucking clearly doesn’t. Ever got strep throat and thought, “I want it to go away now, not in a week.”? Well that’s not an option since God “works in mysterious way.” What if during the Holocaust, Jews could pray themselves out of a gas chamber? Pretty sure that would have been a prayer to answer instead of making a poor family win the lottery.