I’ve compiled another list of foods that would make a starving Ethiopian shit ten pounds.

Starbucks Doubleshot – Should be called Starbucks Doubleshit. I took a dump, drank one and somehow had to shit a full load immediately. This is natures enemy for sphincters.

Mountain Dew – more like Mountain Poo. (Or Pew). Slicks your innards up so you can take a slimy shit, especially when you don’t need to like on a date.

McDonalds Chicken Biscuit – will make you shit after taking a shit.

FiberOne Maple Brown Sugar Granola cereal – aside from the longest title ever for a cereal, this is a no brainer. Good thing is, most shits end up being a smooth one…but if you mix this with a meal later in the day at Taco Bell….septic destruction.