The next episode in our list of shows is Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes. Wonder how bad it can get?

Every episode features siblings playing ball. One of them throws the ball too hard – again. This is just like the last episode. R. L. Stine. The old weirdo Army guy steals the baseball. Dork dad shows up and has lawn gnomes. He honks like a dork too. We have quite possibly the worst commercial scare of the show. The gnome falls on the kid who screams like it’s really awful.

We come back, embarrassed for the show being so bad. The Major is a jerk. I’d knock him out. He’s got toothpick arms.

Someone throws the melons at night. The gnomes. They even draw a pic on the melon. The boy stares at them. His hat is on backwards. He finds black ink and a melon seed on the gnome. The seed was lol funny.

The kid goes outside and actually sees red eyes. He isn’t horrified by this. I’m 30 and I almost went inside over it. The gnomes trash Majors garden and Joe triggers the alarm that only a lunatic would set up. The gnomes were right there too.

Joe puts it all back together, while the feminine Major orders him around. His acting isn’t half bad…at least. So the kid has a good plan – video the gnomes at midnight. He forgets tape in the recorder. What an idiot! He tries waking everyone up. His parents are totally stupid. His sister gets up though, and the gnomes charge them!

One of the gnomes trips the kids, teleporting ahead of them somehow, and decide to squish them. There are a bunch of gnomes now. The light freezes them. Of course, the flashlight batteries die. All the midgets in latex suits attack the kids just as my heartburn kicks in and the lights kick on. A gnome murders the Major.

Then a Major gnome appears and the family loses the lawn judging contest.