In Your House 8: Beware of Dog was a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

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In Your House Beware of Dog is two shows. Beware of Dog and Beware of Dog 2, which had to take place after the lights went out and the show went off the air due to weather! Oops!

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It actually begins with the Free for All. Phineas has signed a receipt lol that says Sunny is their comanager. He has duck tape on his wrists…. The Godwins face the Smoking Guns. So uninteresting! These two tag-teams had so little appeal around this time and you could tell no one gave a fuck. The crowd is half empty. Vince mentions a traffic jam. Yeah and a booking jam. During the match, King acts like Sable – appearing later – is ghastly. Smoking Guns win the tag titles after Billy Gunn kisses Sunny, which distracts PIG. Billy Gunn does a post-interview that is about a 1/10 and he says “Hey” like 14 times.

We get a tease for the main event – Shawn Michaels vs British Bulldog, with the absolute charisma vacuum Diana Hart telling HBK “Shawn, I know you want me.” She also misses a drink throw at Shawn and hits a fan!

The tease for Undertaker and Goldust is good. Great build-up. Taker says he will make Dust famous like James Deen and Marilyn Monroe! Goldust comes out with a wig he pulled out of a blender. The lights actually flicker as though Undertaker is responding! But it’s a bit of foreshadowing…

Time for In Your House: Weather Problems! Vince McMahon and Jerry “The King” Lawler on commentary.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley comes out first with some rather plain lady that has a hairdo. He will face the Wildman Marc Mero! Vince calls the turnbuckle a “ladder.” King really makes himself look like an idiot by slamming Sable’s looks. I like you, King – even though I hear you’re a fuck – but she’s the most beautiful woman WWE has ever had. Lana would be number two, I feel. Trash Stratus and Lita (the human piss-bullseye) aren’t even above Moolah for me. Triple H makes Mero look GOOD. Mero appears to really tweak his knee, or his acting suddenly went from a 1 to a 10. He hits HHH with a slingshot to win. At the end, he’s walking around fine…

A backstage interview and we appear to go off the air and come back with the British Bulldog coming out. King fucks with Vince about Shawn in Playgirl! Only Lawler could screw with Vince like that. Vince also mispronounces about 80 words in this match. The match is declared a draw!

Now, JR and Mr Perfect take over for Beware of Dog 2! Stone Cold Steve Austin makes his last appearance with Ted Dibease. I could tell you a lot about this match or how tangled the strap got or how I hate Savio Vega but the truth is, someone fucking pissed me off and right now, I don’t care. Stone Cold pulls Savio into the fourth corner and Savio wins. MDM has to leave the federation for the nWo.

Yokozuna vs Vader is next. The match surprises me by not ending in an cardiovascular intensive care unit. Yoko is at this point so fat, he can barely get up. Yoko goes for Cornette after pulling him into the ring but Vader pulls James E. out of the way and wins with a Vader bomb.

Closing out the show in completely wrong order, Goldust vs The Undertaker for the Intercontinental belt…in a casket match. We see that the night before was the infamous time when Goldust kisses Ahmed Johnson, contributing to several Fun with Ahmed videos years later. Undertaker botches Goldusts move were Dust falls down and slaps him. My cat shits. I think the damn casket lid is broke. Mankind interferes and helps Goldust win. Undertaker vanishes from the casket as RENE GOULET comes out to check things out. He shows up when it’s serious and when you end your show with a heel winning via shit-fashion for PPV, you know it is serious.

That is the show, folks. I’m not sure what the original booking was before the storm but as far as shows go, when compiled, this one may be the worst In Your House. It was horrible and boring.

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