Meth heads are the scourge of society. I’ve devised a simple guide for helping to spot them and hopefully, avoid any and all contact with them before it is too late.

1. They profoundly age passed where they should.

Notice this lady. In 1998, she was just your average, easy-going homely lady with a necklace. By 2002, she looked 40 years older, has awful teeth and a necklace. Once you start taking meth, you begin a different aging process. Along with a team of scientists at @RagingRedHulk, we have deemed this “Meth Years.”

Meth years refers to how old someone is that uses meth. For instance, the above lady may have been 40 in 1998. By 2002, in meth years, she is 274. Every moment she is alive is a living miracle from God. I can’t imagine what she would look like today, but I can venture a guess.

 

2.They are constantly scratching or think they have bugs in their skin

Meth heads are constantly scratching and thinking they have bugs in their skin. Did you see the photo at the beginning of this article? We will call him Junior. Junior thinks he has beetles in his skin and has taken to ripping his flesh open to get them out. If you showed a meth user an episode of The Strain, they would likely kill themselves. But if you’ve seen that show, this is how they feel. Like worms and bugs are crawling under their skin. And for any meth users here reading this, here is a hint about those bugs you think are crawling under your arms: they really are.

3. Their teeth look like they ate a pavement sandwich.

I was going to post a photo of a meth-users teeth but they are just so gross, I can’t bring myself to see that everyday as I check out my own articles, admiring how funny they are. Meth heads have the worst teeth possible. Sometimes, no teeth. Othertimes, broken off teeth that are half-black and half-yellow. It looks like they put a chunk of concrete in between two pieces of bread and bit down into it.

4. They have absurd amounts of energy and strength

 

A good meth-head should have enough energy to lift several tons over his head. They can stay awake for 8 days easily, get shot and not feel it and generally, be a super-human. The only problem is that they will die, which isn’t really a problem.

5. They’re completely insane

Developing plans for world domination? Exterminating an entire race? Taking apart a television set? These could be signs that the person is a meth user. Nazis did meth and look what happened there? They went nuts and almost conquered the entire world! A tiny country taking over the whole world seems like an insane notion itself – unless the soldiers are all on meth.

That would be about like the state of Mississippi conquering the entire world.

6. They smell like cat piss

This can also be a symptom of a crazy lonely lady. Meth heads aren’t worried about stinking because they’re living in an alternate dimension that doesn’t contain smell. But to the remainder of humanity, it can be painfully, nasally obvious that something is wrong. They sweat a lot and smell weird because of all of the unnatural chemicals in their body.

There are other signs too, but these are easy ones you can use to spot a meth addict. Good luck – and don’t approach them with anything less than a bulldozer. They likely will pit it up and throw it at you.