Review: Event Horizon

Someone keeps revving an engine and it made me forgot what I was going to type here.
Someone keeps revving an engine and it made me forgot what I was going to type here.

Event Horizon is horrifying, insane, cheesy at times and if my mom were writing this, Satanic. It is also legendary.

I won’t lie, Sam Neill isn’t my favorite actor either. Lawrence Fishburne is also not at the top of my list of people who I want to watch talk. Despite these two cast-shortcomings, the movie turns out to be pretty terrifying, especially for something in the late 90s which experienced a lot of shitty special effects.

What the hell is that thing? Terrifying, that's what.
What the hell is that thing? Terrifying, that’s what.

The story is that Sam Neil made a drive that allowed instantaneous travel to anywhere. He also had to put it on a really enormous ship shaped like a giant sad robot head.

Aww
Aww

Unfortunately, it brings them all in contact with hell and they start losing their minds, killing themselves or others or just dying in gory ways. It’s great.

Eventually, there are scrolling words called “credits” at the end. That was unexpected for me.

Look, I don’t even pretend to understand science but all I know is, I wouldn’t want to be on a damn spaceship. If anything happens at all, you’re totally fucked. Worse than being on an airplane, which I’m currently having nightmares about. Know what I like being on? Old secure Earth. Works great for my little life that I want to be not in horror. But these folks all decide to do this mission and hey, worst case scenario happens.

Old people won’t like the movie. I can assure you of that with almost 99% accuracy. Show it to them anyway.

PRUNES!
PRUNES!
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