Halloween Havoc 1999 is the most disappointing PPV I’ve seen to date.

Halloween_Havoc_1999

The crowd was actually going wild! The big inflatable monster thing was out and Halloween Havoc 1999 kicked off with a great deal of promise. What a card! Hulk Hogan vs. Sting. DDP vs. Flair. Goldberg vs. Sid. Goldberg vs. Sting. What? Yeah, get ready, because this was a Vince Russo special and before we’re through, you’ll easily see why this was the shittiest possible show WCW could have put on and why it is impossible to be a fan of WCW when you watch it.

YES! Big inflatable thing!
YES! Big inflatable thing!

The show begins with Disco Inferno pinning Lash LeRoux. I don’t get the disco gimmick and I never have, or will. WCW had been doing it at this point for 3 years. This would also be the only clean finish we would get for a while.

Next, Harlem Heat beat The First Family and The Filthy Animals after Knobs was hit with a plastic mummy. What else is there to say?

Eddy Guerrero beat Perry Saturn by….disqualification. Flair hit Guerrero with a crowbar.

Now, a pleasant surprise. Brad Armstrong came out and I even said aloud, “Who is he losing to?” Well, no one. He beat Berlyn, which was Alex Wrights gimmick that, for some reason, made him appear an awful lot shorter.

Time for some more shit. Rick Steiner beat future murderer Chris Benoit after Dean Malenko hit Benoit with a chair, turning on him for some reason.

Lex Luger, next, beat Bret Hart with a half-boston crab. Bret Hart submitted, actually. This is a feat of enormity and of course, it happened because of a fuck reason…Bret Hart’s knee being attacked. Luger comes out flirting heavily on camera with Ms. Elizabeth, whom he will help kill years later thanks to drugs. He also seems to wipe his nose a lot….

Some real bullshit next as Hulk Hogan fucks around thanks to his sorry ass ego. He comes out AFTER Sting, the champion. He is in his regular clothes. He lays down and lets Sting pin him. Doesn’t this reek of Hulk not wanting to lose to Sting cleanly or something and using his creative control? Sting looks pissed and the announcers are baffled. We cut to a Goldberg/Sid promo.

Piece of shit.
Piece of shit.

Goldberg has a boring match with Sid Vicious, next, for the United States Heavyweight Championship. Why that title, between these two former world champions? Because stupidity. Also, Sid is referred to as “Undefeated” by David Penzer, but then is a “Self-Proclaimed Millenium Man.” Oh ok. So he’s also trying to steal Jericho’s gimmick. Russo. Goldberg wins by punching him until the ref stops the match but it was because of a gash in his head from earlier in the evening, making it illegitimate, as well. Rick Steiner comes out. We have no reason why, but he sells real estate now.

Millenium Man - a nickname given with no reasoning behind it.
Millenium Man – a nickname given with no reasoning behind it.

Next up, a STRAP MATCH! DDP vs Ric Flair. So of course, Page wins by pinfall. Yeah, in a strap match, he won by pinfall. Gets dumber and dumber. Flair is choked out and David Flair comes out, crying just like a Flair would. The announcers say it could be a career ending injury and play it well, so some wrestling shit happens to ruin it. He is then attacked by the Filthy Animals, on a gurney, and they kidnap him in an ambulance. Bobby Heenan speculates that they may throw him out onto the side of the road.

Finally, Sting comes back out again and wants to fight someone. Goldberg comes out and the announcers talk about how awesome it would be if he won both the US title and the World title, forgetting that he did that the first time he won the World title. It gets exciting, then Schiavone says, “Its not for the world title?” Someone, probably stupid Russo, tells him the belt isn’t on the line.

So, for 3 minutes and 8 seconds, Sting, fresh, battles Goldberg, off a tiresome match from earlier. Goldberg wins, and David Penzer announces a NEW WCW champion. He holds the belt up, despite what we heard earlier. This would go on to be screwed with on Nitro the next night, eliminating what we saw happen entirely.

No, it wasn’t just one thing that destroyed WCW. It was many many things. This shitty night was one of those many things and WCW didn’t get any better as it went on.

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