Review: Goosebumps – Ghost Beach

Ghost_beach

Back with an episode called Ghost Bitch. Evidently, they’re taking a more adult approach and…wait. It’s Ghost Beach. Alright, I’m not at all interested, so that’s more like it.

We open up with graves facing two opposite directions, like east and south. They don’t do that. Graves aim at the direction that people think Jesus will return in (the west or something, which isn’t a universal direction…) Suddenly, Arrow jumps from his TV show to this one and attacks the kids.

After the commercial, we see its just our first fake scare. Kids dressed up to scare other kids. The most diversity from our cast so far is a redhead.

At dinner, when the old man talks, he appears to jack off under the table. He’s apparently chewing a goddamn pack of Bubble Chew too.

They keep referencing Sadler. Maybe from Resident Evil.

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They see a light in the cave. The kids ask the old men about beaches cave, which appears to be haunted. The old people go nuts.

They go back to the cave and see an old pedophile. In his cave, he tells them Sam and Luisa are ghosts. He lets them go and they walk up on Sam and Luisas graves. Luisa looks like Ronda Rousey in the hoodie.

They all end up together by the cave with a barking dog. I hate him. Sam and Luisa are obviously the ghosts. They are defeated.

Finally, the dog alerts the kids that the old people are ghosts and want to eat dog. Korean ghosts? Anyway, it pretty much confirms my distrust for olds.

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