After Earth should have been called blow my fucking brains out before you let me watch this movie again. It stars L. Ron Hubbard cult follower Will Smith as a cripple with a boring son who can’t act. M. Night Shyamalan directs it and needs to be canned.

Here is the entire story in one sentence: Will Smith and his son crash a spaceship and his son has to go out and save them because daddy is injured. That’s it. It is sci-fi so it is spun and twisted a little to be clever and all that, but it is really just a boring fucking movie about bullshit. Here’s the juicy deets.

In this 1000 years into the future, Will Smith is able to do something unique, like usual, but this time it is superhuman. He is able to “ghost” by exhibiting zero fear. It also seems like this devoids him of any emotion. Now, I think this was just a plot element added to the movie to make up for the fact that his son can’t act and was going to be a dull, devoid kid…but I guess this guy built up the clout to bomb a project completely just for personal reasons.

Since Smith gets injured, we watch his lanky kid Jaden run through the forest, get carried around by an EAGLE and eventually, kill something that only his father was able to ever fuck up like that. It’s unrealistic because any kid this dumb would have froze, shit himself and been eaten by the monster. Then movie goers would have walked out dejected, except for me. I would be grinning and saying “THAT’S REALITY YOU PIECES OF SHIT.”

The reality of this movie is that it sucked. It was boring and it was a box office flop, which isn’t always indicative of a movie’s quality but when you have a major star and 100 million in advertising behind it, most fucking certainly is. I’ll never watch this movie again even if I have a one in two chance of winning a million dollars for doing it and I rate it a generous 1/10.