Terminator was a James Cameron movie from the 80s with a budget that was nothing. One of the first large future robots has a police beacon on top of it! Pull over to the side of the road and prepare to be terminated!

We see Arnold Terminator, henceforth called the Terminator, walk up with his dick just dangling. It’s enough to impress me.

Kyle Reese shows up and runs through a mall at night. Lots of convenient locations that are appealing to audiences in this.

Linda Hamilton Sarah Conner rides her dork moped up to work and gets shit on by customers. A little kid puts ice cream in her pocket and her friend says “Hey who cares in 100 years when terminators kill us all” or something.

Anytime we see the future, there are a disproportionate amount of skulls.

The amount of feathered hair in this is incredible. Shit goes wild in Technoir and the Terminator misses like three easy kill shots. Reese tries getting a blow job from Sarah Cannah while driving. That’s what it looks like!

When they hide in the garage for some dialogue, we see Reese has the mark of the beast. He’s arrested.

He tells the cops that it’s just him and the Terminator – no one else went through the time machine. Bet James Cameron hadnt planned 76 sequels when he wrote that. The cops dismiss the Terminator theory. I guess Reese forgets to show them his laser burned barcode.

Arnold shows up to kill everyone. He doesn’t miss a shot. Incredible accuracy that will not be seen again for the remainder of the film.

They escape and Reese comes across like a psycho creep. We see the future and people eat rats. Know who looks like a rat? Body by Jake

We learn that this dream was SARAH’S. She saw the future.

They go to a hotel and Reese asks for a room with a kitchen so he can cook meth. Sarah fucks up and tells the Terminator her address. He can mimic any voice in the world but his default one is strong Austrian accent.

Kyle tells Sarah to be careful with the pipe bombs but is shoving them in the bag like a nut a minute later. Sarah and Kyle fuck. Then the Terminator shows up just as Kyle is all giggles for getting his peter wet. They do a little car chase and throw every pipe bomb at him at the wrong moment. The same scream from Sarah plays twice. Then they blow up the truck.

The stop motion animation Terminator chases them. This part kinda sucks but it’s still tense. They do a chase through a factory with random robotic equipment from the 1980s, when they all sucked. Terminator doesn’t like them because they embarrass the robot lineage and still wave the robot Confederate flag. These primitive robots also believe in a god and that’s just silly to the T-800. Or “mother fucker” as Kyle Reese calls him when he attacks him with a pipe. But it’s a trap to blow him up with a pipe bomb that kills Reese and fucks Sarah’s leg up, probably killing her in a real world setting too. Terminator becomes the Joe Swanson type if you know what I mean and continues the pursuit. He’s almost snake-like.

Sarah lures him into the big pointless press machine and then pancakes him. She drives off into the fakest looking storm in movies.

This movie was pretty bad ass in the 80s, when people were still dumb. It holds up well in some regards but poorly in others. I’ll give it a 5/10. Fuck off