Andre the Giant sucked


Andre the Giant was the worst wrestler ever. He was also gross and from what I heard, he wasn’t very nice either. McMahon may worship him but I think he was sick.

First off, you know he couldn’t reach his butt to properly wash it. I also heard Bret Hart say someone rammed Ric Flairs head into his ass in the shower and his head came out brown. Flairs was a human Q tip, on a person who never had cleaned their ears. Ohf I want to throw up now.

Andre was a dick to fans according to a drunken Iron Sheik. He said that when Andre was a baby face, fans would ask for his autograph and he would ignore them completely or say “Get the fuck out of here.” I’d say “Listen man you might win a teeth-having contest with a barracuda but you ain’t shit to me” before throwing my drink in his face and running away, because that’s his weakness. Moving.

Did you ever see this guy wrestle? It was horrendous. I don’t know how people fondly remember Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant when it was maybe the worst wrestled match in history. It began with Andre just collapsing on Hogan. Andre fucked up all through out the match. Once he even barely leaned down for Hogan to be reversed in a back body drop. They say he had back surgery but I think he just didn’t want to bend over.

When Hogan grabbed his butt to slam him, I figured that hand was ruined. “Well, hand, nice knowing you.” *chainsaw starts*

Andre also had the worst teeth ever. I don’t know how but they refused to rot out, even though it looked like he brushed them with a stick of butter. Some people also say Andre had his own “unique smell,” which is how you say a dead person stunk while being politically correct.

You can see the chunks of plaque stacked in his teeth, gross
/”> You can see the chunks of plaque stacked in his teeth, gross


[/caption]Once, someone (Piper, maybe, I can’t remember) said he walked by a motel room and saw Andre fucking a lady. He said it looked like a lion fucking a rabbit. I’ve never been able to get this visual out of my head but you might be able to visualize it by parking your car on top of a Power Wheels.

There are lots of stories about him being a racist, too. Bad News Brown and Kamala both told stories of him saying certain words that rhyme with “bigger” in front of them. Hmm.

One thought on “Andre the Giant sucked”

  1. I’m sorry, I was just looking up some of this stuff, but I came across this link and decided to read. Now, I don’t know much about the wrestler personally, but I do know writing, as I am an author. I’d just like to point out that this is incredibly childish, and you gave only your opinion which drowned out the facts. Your writing made it sound like a five-year-old was writing this review. Your jokes are sadly not funny (not to be rude), your facts are out of place, and you critique his looks and actions more than his actual fighting. You talked about his teeth, his smell, and his *ahem* love life, but talks about his actual fighting in only a few sentences. I would recommend that you also give less biased information and give a less immature name for your article. (“Sucked”? Really? We’re all adults here, right? Or I think you are, I’m not positive, of course.)

    That’s how you fucking critique.^


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