I wasn’t impressed with Avengers: Age of Ultron

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Ready for about 13 minutes of story and the rest of the time, nothing but non-stop brainless fucking loud action? Then Avengers: Age of Ultron is for you but reading books probably isn’t. This movie did nothing for me except made me feel like I had wasted time.

The basic essence of the story is that the group of Avengers are getting the Loki Scepter thing from the other movie. They get it and hey, all is good (for 5 seconds). Suddenly, Tony Stark is a total idiot and creates an artificial intelligence that, like in all movies, can break out of it’s confined parameters and hates humanity. It also has a sense of humor and is an asshole. It computer-rapes Jarvis. Then, it makes itself a shitty broken body that gets destroyed.

But it was too late of course because it used “the Internet” to upload itself to every place on the planet. Now, even if it was just an HD movie, that should have taken more than an instantaneous second. It had to be ridiculously large in storage space and even with the best Internet in the world…I don’t know. Smelled like some shit to me.

So the group of adults dressed like little kids go and have, I swear, like 2 hours screen time worth of pointless, aimless fights. They’re ALL with robots, too, which is supposed to make it OK that they’re being murdered left and right. Reminded me of the puddies in Power Rangers. Literally, they were clay men, so kicking the fuck out of them didn’t matter!

Now, there are only about 720 heros in this movie. Because of that, we have to expect at least a death and a mind-control plot-line. Sure enough, both are in this. Also, we get ANOTHER new character, The Vision, who seems like he probably has to stay 2500 feet away from schools and areas with children.

Most of the scenes in this movie are mindless and the story doesn’t really do it much for me. Felt convoluted and if I saw it that way, I don’t know how kids could absorb it.

The whole movie leads up to The Vision, as I mentioned, being made and him having an Infinity Stone in his head. The Infinity Gauntlet is where this is going, which was a big deal in the Marvel Comics. The Avengers defeat Ultron and his army of plot fillers and then they all go do a bunch of shit. We have to wait until the middle of the credits and we see Thanos putting on the Infinity Gauntlet so he can masterbate. He says he is sick of his pawns doing things and bla bla bla its time for his movie.

Marvel is at this point milking it. I expected a little more thought to be put into this movie but it was just a gap-filler to get us to the movies that will matter. This movie is a 5/10. Watchable but nothing I’ll remember.

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